November 27, 2007

The Post In Which Annika Reintroduces Herself To Her Readers (Both Of Them) By Answering Randomly Selected YouTube Republican Debate Questions

A Republican YouTube debate? Whose brain farted and came up with that idea. Oh well, welcome to politics, 21st Century style.

Answer: Yes, and yes. Hey, I didn't make the rules.

Answer: I think, or rather, I feel that earmarks should be limited to one per ear, and only in the earlobe. I agree with the questioner that many young people today abuse earmarks excessively. For instance, this latest trend of punching a huge hole in your ear and sticking a pvc tube or a toilet paper roll inside has got to stop.

Answer: You are an idiot. Here's why. 1. Iraq was a debacle, but things are slowly improving. Despite almost four years of incompetence, Bush may just pull a rabbit out of a hat there. 2. Gonzalez didn't fire as many U.S. Attorneys as Clinton. Would you have supported Clinton's impeachment for firing all 93 U.S. Attorneys? I didn't think so. 3. Katrina was a hurricane. Or do you believe that George Bush controls the weather? 4. Abu Ghraib? The only problem I have with what went on at Abu Ghraib, which was not torture by the way, is that some idiot went and took pictures of it. 5. Walter Reed was a bad scandal, but it's being corrected, and nobody seriously thinks the neglect that went on there was official policy. As for Bush being the worst president in U.S. history, the jury is out on that one. I'm still hopeful that historians will rank him somewhere above Carter, but I'm not putting money down on it yet.

Answer: No. That's why I spent 23 years in school, so I don't have to anymore. And I can drive this.

Answer: You are one scary looking dude. It's ironic that you ask about school shootings, because if I ever found myself in a class with you, I'd drop that class so fast it'd make your strange and oddly proportioned head spin. Tell your parents they are idiots.

Answer: What? I didn't catch the last part of your question. I think it was about video game violence. Personally I love violent video games. Especially those war shoot-em-ups like Medal Of Honor and SOCOM, or jet fighter games like Ace Combat. I kick ass at them too. I wish I could make out the last part of your question, sorry.

Answer: I'm sorry. You used the phrase "cruel and dangerous abortions." I think its ironic, because you're so obviously scared that a change in abortion law might cause you to have to be more careful when you're slutting around Huntington Beach. But when I think of cruel and dangerous abortions, I think not of ignorant girls like you, but of the millions of victims of abortion who never had the chance to protest the cruel and dangerous way their lives were snuffed out.

Answer: You're absolutely right Carmen. I would give you the option to take a portion of the money that would normally go into Al Gore's "lock box" and invest it yourself, so nobody can take it away from you and you'd get a much better rate of return than you would if you relied on government to take care of you. I don't believe anyone should ever rely on government to take care of them. The Democrats want you to rely on government because it perpetuates their power over you. But remember, government is usually the problem, and never the solution.

Answer: I love that thing you did with the lid! That was classic! What are you cooking there? I bet it's good. Judging by your waistline you are probably a pretty good cook. Anyways, to answer your question, we got to have an embassy, come on. We can't build an embassy? Where do you want the ambassador and his people to stay, in a hotel? Be realistic, now.

Answer: First of all, thank you Dr. Hawking for that question. I'm a big fan of yours, and like many Americans I thoroughly enjoyed reading the first chapter of A Brief History Of Time. To answer your question, I agree we could all be nicer to our political opponents. Paying them compliments is a good start. I'll pick Senator Dodd, if you don't mind. Senator Dodd, you have a spectacularly thick and full head of hair. It's so much nicer than Senator Biden's failed implant job.

That felt good. I can do more. I'm not back, by the way.

Posted by: annika at 07:42 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 783 words, total size 8 kb.

1 I'm feeling such a mix of emotions after this post, I have to go eat an entire box of croutons. Are you sure you're not back?

Posted by: Preston Taylor Holmes at November 28, 2007 03:54 AM (b6+qN)

2 You need to throw your hat in the ring, girl.

Posted by: Gordon at November 28, 2007 05:49 AM (NIvR3)

3 "A Republican YouTube debate? Whose brain farted and came up with that idea." It's an attempt to be "hip" and "with it", dreamed up by some political hack with no clue about being either, who dreams up silly attempts to mimic that behavior but is blind to the irony that active attempts at such result in nothing more than stultified parodies of what he's/she's aspiring to be. And when the Democratic version of this comes around, just add some 4 letter language, be more hyperbolic, and remind folks why the current incarnation of modern political liberalism as practiced by sheltered, shallow, collegiate-thinking but real-world clueless hacks lends itself more to bumper-sticker philosophy and facile sloganeering than it does substantive thought or pragmatic solution-finding, in stark contradiction to the older style, more intellectual Patrick Moynahan sort of liberalism that even I as a conservative could respect. Otherwise, same answer. You know, opening questions up to You Tube is worse than a stage actor soliciting the Peanut Gallery. It's an act begging for response from the superficial, unthinking, knee-jerk portion of the population. No matter how many rational, thinking people rush to use You Tube for the first time, they'll find that space already occupied by the same geniuses who post bathroom humor, idiotic screeds, or dumbass conspiracy theories. If they're looking for substantive questions with real thought, and not just the postcards and sound-bite talking points version of true political thought, they've gone to the wrong place. On the other hand, those sheltered, shallow, collegiate-thinking but real-world clueless Democratic hacks surrounding the candidates should feel right at home there. "But remember, government is usually the problem, and never the solution." With that one line, Anni's shown more substance and belief in reality than even most current Republican office holders, let alone Obama, Clinton, or any of the other cardboard cutout, cliché-ridden Democrat candidates display. The principle of government as a blunt tool, not a surgical knife, seems to have been forgotten by too many today.

Posted by: ElMondoHummus at November 28, 2007 06:28 AM (xHyDY)

4 Hehheh... You see, with Cas not being around, someone's gotta pick up the bile quotient. Anyone wanna lend a hand? Yes, I know my syllable-to-word ratio is higher than his ever was, but I'm only trying to replicate the level, not the form. Damn, I miss him. Where the hell is he?

Posted by: ElMondoHummus at November 28, 2007 06:30 AM (xHyDY)

5 nice Mondo! hey don't you know I stole that line from Reagan!

Posted by: annika at November 28, 2007 07:26 AM (i+Wwa)

6 No, I didn't recognize it. But it sounds like something he'd say. It's good advice to take; too many people don't stop and think about that, and only see government as something to enable their wishes (well intentioned or no). Anyway, my "blunt tool" statement was stolen from George Will (although I think his line was actually "blunt instrument"), so we're both sorta in the thieving mood today.

Posted by: ElMondoHummus at November 28, 2007 09:22 PM (UNQLe)

7 But remember, government is usually the problem, and never the solution. Anarchist.

Posted by: Ramsay Glaser at November 29, 2007 01:51 AM (U13vA)

8 These things are not only a prime example of why the average citizen shouldn't participate in debates, they are perfect in explaining why they shouldn't be allowed to fucking vote in the first place.

Posted by: skippystalin at November 30, 2007 10:12 PM (TUjSW)

9 So I wonder if the dude wearing a Chicago t-shirt is from U of C.... It would explain so much.

Posted by: The Law Fairy at December 05, 2007 11:40 PM (njcvI)

10 Flock! The flocking law fairy got here before me? I'm ashamed.

Posted by: Casca at December 11, 2007 12:48 PM (xGZ+b)

11 Iraq a debacle? My dear, war is a messy business, and like the rest of life, imperfect. Gallipoli was a debacle. Iraq's perceived jumble was the price of doing business. We couldn't have got them where they are today without going through the messy part.

Posted by: Casca at December 11, 2007 12:50 PM (xGZ+b)

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