Homo Sapiens Gigantostalkersaurus Rex. King of the giant stalking lizards.

Dude, you're huge. Dude, i can smell your b.o. Dude, your farts fucking linger twenty minutes after you leave the room.

Dude, stop bothering me while i'm trying to work. Dude, if you stand by my cubicle and want to "just say hi," and i refuse to make eye contact, and i keep typing while you talk about total bullshit, which i don't care about, that means i'm busy. There's a good chance that it also means i don't like you.

No, i don't like you like you either.

Dude, i know Valentine's day is coming up. Don't even think about it. If you slither anywhere near me on that day, i'll hurt you.

More: The thing that really creeps me out about Gigantostalkersaurus Rex, now that i think of it, is a little story he told me when he first started working here. This was back when everybody was being polite to the new temp, before he earned his nickname Norman. As in Norman Bates.

i had the misfortune of standing at the copier waiting for Norman to finish with a copy job one morning and we got on the subject of hiking. i like to hike. Seems Norman also likes to hike. i told him about a recent excursion i'd made up north of S.F., and how beautiful the country was up there.

That's when he shared the fact that he likes to go hiking alone. He also shared how much he loves frogs. At that moment i thought to myself: how interesting, because you resemble a frog so terribly much.

One time, when Norman was hiking in the hills all by himself he spied a muddy waterhole populated by a couple of his favorite ribbity friends. He was so happy to see them, he told me, that he "tore off all his clothes and jumped right in the mud with the frogs!"

i shit you not. The freak actually said that to me. i still can't figure out why anyone would admit that, but he did.

At that moment i decided to illuminate the "Warning, Weirdo Alert" siren in my head and take evasive manuevers. Picking up my own copy job, i made some excuse about needing to check my phone messages or something and retreated the fuck outta there.

That was about three months ago. i've been avoiding him ever since, but unfortunately he seems to think i'm playing hard to get.

Blech! Blech!

Posted by: annika at 12:09 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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