May 18, 2007

Annika's Journal Farewell Tour: Part XII, American Skankwomen Rubric Bequest

Many of you enjoyed the rubric "American Skankwomen," which was originally designed to poke fun at Brittany, then morphed into an anti-Lindsay Logan category.

When Annika's Journal is gone, do not despair. Let me recommend that you subscribe to Michael Buckley's videoblog, What The Buck? He is brilliant!

Watch Michael crack on Brittany, Paris and Lindsay.

"The gays can rejoice in their new Liza." LOL, that is too funny.

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May 09, 2007

Citizens For A Better America

The aptly named group Citizens for a Better America is doing work that I support wholeheartedly. Check them out here. They speak, I believe, for the vast majority of Americans.

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January 26, 2007

Old Celebrities

What the stars will look like when they get old.

Especially check out Tom Cruise, George Clooney and Angelina. David Schwimmer is hilariously grotesque.

And I think somebody mistakenly included a picture of Nick Cage as he looks today.

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November 20, 2006

Scarlett Johansson, Scintillating Intellect...

...on a par with Cameron Diaz,

Johansson says, "We are supposed to be liberated in America but if our President had his way, we wouldn't be educated about sex at all. "Every woman would have six children and we wouldn't be able to have abortions."
I must have missed the President's introduction of the "No Child Gets To Learn About Sex Act." Anybody got a link on that?

The source article also says that Miss Johansson gets tested for HIV twice a year. Honey, if what I heard about you is true, I'd bump that up to about twice a week.

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October 12, 2006

Gibson - Sawyer Interview

I don't know about you, but I'm not convinced.

In all seriousness, I saw part one of the Good Morning America interview, and Gibson did not come off well. He seemed self absorbed. He tried to make lame self-effacing jokes but they didn't sound sincere, and he just looked sort of manic. Plus, he referred to his alcoholism in the second person, which someone should have warned him not to do. It makes him sound like he's still in denial. When he didn't want to answer a question he opened his eyes wide and stared at Diane Sawyer, as if to say "don't go there."

Tomorrow, in part two, they're supposed to get into the anti-semitic stuff more. I doubt Gibson will perform any better. He totally copped out when Sawyer asked him why he said what he said. He blamed it on the alcohol, but that doesn't explain how tequila can turn a non-bigot into a bigot.

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September 27, 2006

Celebrity Sex Videos Nobody Wants To See

Radical Redneck alerted me to the following bit of celebrity gossip:

He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom "Saved by the Bell." But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."

I looked up "Dirty Sanchez" in the Rolodex of Love [nsfw]. Then I wished I hadn't.
Dirty Sanchez: A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
Ugh.

Anyways, there's nothing that might induce me to want to watch Screech and two chicks fucking on video. In fact, John McCain might want to add that to his list of prohibited torture methods, just in case anybody at the CIA gets creative.

So I got to thinking. Who else might make the list of Celebrity Sex Videos Nobody Wants To See?


Free polls from Pollhost.com
I would be most likely to want to gouge my own eyes out after watching a celebrity sex video starring:
Barbra Streisand Little Richard Roseanne Barr Andy Dick Whoopi Goldberg Don Imus Joan Rivers Al Franken Kathy Lee Gifford Jesse Jackson other   



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September 20, 2006

If Madonna Actually Had A Pair

mohammadonna.jpg

If Madonna actually had a pair she would risk a fatwa by insulting people who would kill her in a heatbeat instead of ridiculing Roman Catholics who are so used to it by now that we don't even bat an eyelash.

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September 04, 2006

Countdown To Kiki

The horror...

kikicountdown.gif

VIOLET: Dessert? Here it comes. Blueberry pie and cream!
It's the most marvelous blueberry pie that I've ever tasted!

CHARLIE: Look at her face!

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Holy Toledo, what's happening to your face?

VIOLET: Cool it, Dad! Lemme finish.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, but your face is turning blue!
Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!

VIOLET: What are you talking about?

WONKA: I told you I hadn't got it quite right yet.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: You can say that again. Look what it's
done to my kid!

WONKA: It always goes wrong when we come to the dessert.
Always.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, what are you doing now?!? You're
blowing up!

VIOLET: I feel funny.

GRANDPA JOE: I'm not surprised.

VIOLET: What's happening?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: You're blowing up like a balloon!

WONKA: Like a blueberry.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Somebody do something! Call a doctor!

MRS. TEEVEE: Stick her with a pin.

CHARLIE: She'll pop!

WONKA: It happens every time! They all become blueberries.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: You've really done it this time, haven't
you, Wonka. I'll break you for this.

WONKA: Oh, well, I'll get it right in the end.

VIOLET: Help! Help!

(Wonka plays the pipe whistle.)

MR. BEAUREGARDE: We've got to let the air out of her, quick!

WONKA: There's no air in there.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hmm?

WONKA: That's juice.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Juice?!?

WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) Would you roll the young lady
down to the juicing room at once, please.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: What for?

WONKA: For squeezing. She has to be squeezed immediately
before she explodes.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Explodes?!?

WONKA: It's a fairly simple operation.

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Steve Irwin Is Gone

This is a shocker. Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter just died. Killed by a stingray barb to the chest while filming a show. He made his living taking chances and it finally caught up to him. How sad for Terri.

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August 29, 2006

Fake But Accurate

The professor takes a break from his endless "Porkbuster" updates to link to this bit of CBS photoshoppery.

I guess Adnan Hajj found a new job. That was quick.

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August 17, 2006

"Firecrotch" Explained

For those who don't follow news about the famous and semi-famous, here's the May 16, 2006, origin of Lindsay Logan's "firecrotch" nickname. It's one of the funniest things I've seen on YouTube in a long time.

So there you have it. "It's orange and it fuckin' stinks like diarrhea . . . she has freckles coming out of her vagina, and her clitoris is seven feet long."

That was spoiled rich kid Brandon Davis, who later apologized to Lindsay, saying:

What started out as a joke got completely carried away and I am horrified at the words that came out of my mouth. I consider Lindsay a friend and I hope she accepts my sincere apology for my reprehensible actions last week.
If he considers Lindsay a friend, what must he say about people he don't like? Apperently, Brandon is now in rehab for alcohol and coke. Big surprise there. When he gets out, he ought to consider stand-up comedy.

Here's another "firecrotch" related thing I found while cruising for the Davis video. It's also amusing.

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August 16, 2006

Bravo, Nicole Kidman!

NK.jpg

I always liked her.

h/t Wizbang

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August 02, 2006

More Bombay TV

Finally, another pop culture excuse for me to play around with Bombay TV.

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June 15, 2006

Lindsay Stalker E-Mail Of The Day

The lack of humor out there never ceases to amaze me. Here's the latest Lindsay Logan related email sent to me by one of the teeming rabble. The subject line is " HI..... F U!!!"

Whay dont you get it? uuuuu you have, or had her email,so?
leave the girl alone, dont you have other things to do in youre fucking
life
exept for hunting down celebrities? i guess not! plz tray to learn that
they
are still ordinarry peaps, she just lucky to have that opportunity and job!
and she certanly strugles with for her best more then you do to
yourself!
GET A LIFE MAN, I MEEN CMON ,HAVE SOME RESPECT!
The irony of this dude telling me to get a life is just precious.

Let me clue you in on something Mr. Jariv Voroshilov. Anyone who would spend even five seconds writing the e-mail you wrote to me is by definition a loser. That's a scientific fact. Look it up.

Plus anyone who does a google search for "Lindsay Logan's email" is a stalker as well as a loser. That would be you. Seek help.

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June 11, 2006

From The Secret Video Files

A recent conversation between Randi Rhodes and Jerry Springer, dealing with subjects of a more personal nature.

Rhodes & Springer

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June 08, 2006

My E-Mail To Robert Redford

So you're totally not going to believe this, but I got an e-mail from Robert Redford, the famous actor!

Here is what it said:

Dear annika,

When President Bush took office in 2001, the average price of a gallon of regular unleaded gasoline was $1.47. Today the average price is $2.89 and it’s much more in many places. This surge in gas prices has hit a nerve for many around the country, reminding us of an economy that is increasingly uncertain for the middle-class, a growing addiction to oil that draws us ever closer to dictators and despots, and a fragile global position with a climate that is increasingly out of balance.

It's time to rise to the challenge and Kick the Oil Habit.

Join me and thousands of others by taking action at www.KicktheOilHabit.org

We just launched a campaign to take on Big Oil companies and demand better energy solutions. Please take a moment to visit our site and watch our powerful video that shows how Big Oil and their backers in Washington are profiting while working Americans are paying more.

Our first action is to challenge oil companies to double the number of E85 ethanol fuel pumps at their stations within a year and pledge to offer renewable fuel at half of all gas stations within the decade.

Please join our effort and take action now: http://www.KicktheOilHabit.org

Thank you,

Robert Redford on behalf of the Kick the Oil Habit campaign.

I was so excited that I e-mailed him back right away!

more...

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April 14, 2006

Lindsay Stalker E-mail Of The Day

Fresh out of the inbox:

hi, i read ur email and dam it ihave a crush on lindsay so could u pleasetell me her phone no nd email id please i promise i'll not misuse it.please hope u wont ditch me this is pretty serious and i am serious while writing this.I promise to never misuse it andif i do so kill me cause now i cant live without her if some how i get an oppurtinity to go to america i'll definately will proposeher my name is [redacted] and i am frm India.Thanking and waiting for ur support please.

Your Faithfully
       
[redacted]

Um, well, good luck with that.

Aaron Carter, Wilmer Valderrama, Chad Michael Murray, Adam Levine, Sean Lennon, and finally... [redacted] from India.

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April 04, 2006

Kiki Gets Over

Congratulations to Kiki Couric for moving over to CBS, where she will occupy the celebrated anchor position once held by "the most trusted man in America." As the newest member of the CBS News team, she adds her name to a list that includes some of the greatest names in journalism history. Names like Kuralt, Mudd, Murrow and Sevareid.

And now "Kiki."

Sickening, ain't it?

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March 25, 2006

Page Two Of Dick Cheney's List

That list of items that Vice President Dick Cheney requires when he visits a hotel is kind of interesting. But not nearly as interesting as what was on page two of the list, which was not given to The Smoking Gun.

However, the crack team of investigators here at annika's journal has obtained the top secret second page of Dick Cheney's list, which can now be revealed exclusively for you.

more...

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March 16, 2006

Hanoi Jane News

From the AP:

Jane Fonda's 1972 trip to North Vietnam is haunting her again. The Georgia Senate on Thursday nearly unanimously defeated a resolution that would have honored the actress' charity work in the state.

. . .

"I can think of no living American who is less worthy of this honor," Republican Sen. John Douglas declared. "She is as guilty of treason as Benedict Arnold and Tokyo Rose."

Nice one, senator.

Via commenter Shelly.

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