just trying to eat my waffles

February 27, 2008

Swedish Humor

Here's some Swedish humor for y'all. Hope you haven't already seen it.

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December 28, 2006

Happy Christmas!

I hope you all got exactly what you wanted!

h/t Pursuit.

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November 21, 2006

Size Matters... Even Underwater

Another study, which confirms the obvious. Females prefer males with bigger gonopodia.

Data in hand, Langerhans exposed about 50 females, one at a time, to video images of a male of average proportions at one end of an aquarium and an outsized male at the other end.
"They chose the larger one over and over," Langerhans said. "All females had the same preference."

Don't feel bad though guys, the study also suggests that you might be able to solve your little problem by simply moving to a "predator free environment."

"We found that in predator-free environments gonopodia size was larger, as there is minimal cost for large genitalia in that environment," Langerhans said. For the record, the sex organs of the predator-free guppies were 15 percent longer, on average.

Oh yah, I forgot to mention it. The study was done on fish.

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September 27, 2006

August 29, 2006

This Time The Paparazzi Have Gone Too Far!

Barbie's honeymoon pictures. [NSFW]

Which begs the question, if Barbie and Ken broke up, what was she doing with Ken on her honeymoon? And where was G.I. Joe?

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July 07, 2006

Hitch Explains The Blow Job

Am I the only one who thinks it unseemly that the author of a scholarly work about Thomas Jefferson should also write an article about fellatio?

Be that as it may, Christopher Hitchens did just that. His article for Vanity Fair, is heavy on literary references, but contains one piece of etymological trivia that I'd always wondered about. Why do they call it a "blow job" when, as Chevy Chase once said, "you're not supposed to blow on it; that's just a figure of speech."

The crucial word "blowjob" doesn't come into the American idiom until the 1940s, when it was (a) part of the gay underworld and (b) possibly derived from the jazz scene and its oral instrumentation. But it has never lost its supposed Victorian origin, which was "below-job" (cognate, if you like, with the now archaic "going down").

Interesting. Of course, "sucking cock" is also a misnomer. If this were a more confessional blog, I might tell you the story of a certain fourteen year old's first encounter with a boy, wherein they both discovered the truth of that last statement, embarrassingly so for her, but painfully so for him.

Hitchens has a theory about why the blow job has become the quintessentially American sex act of late. It's not that Monica was so influential. It's really about the ADA, according to British transplant Hitch.

There is another thinkable reason why this ancient form of lovemaking lost its association with the dubious and the low and became an American handshake and ideal. The United States is par excellence the country of beautiful dentistry. As one who was stretched on the grim rack of British "National Health" practice, with its gray-and-yellow fangs, its steely-wire "braces," its dark and crumbly fillings, and its shriveled and bleeding gums, I can remember barely daring to smile when I first set foot in the New World. Whereas when any sweet American girl smiled at me, I was at once bewitched and slain by the warm, moist cave of her mouth, lined with faultless white teeth and immaculate pink gums and organized around a tenderly coiled yet innocent tongue. Good grief! What else was there to think about? In order to stay respectable here, I shall just say that it's not always so enticing when the young ladies of Albania (say) shoot you a cheeky grin that puts you in mind of Deliverance.

Hitch also mentions the movie Deep Throat, and it's importance to American cultural development.

[I]n 1972 . . . some amateurs pulled together $25,000 for a movie that eventually posted grosses of $600 million. Is this a great country or what? This film, with performances by Harry Reems and Linda Lovelace, was one of the tawdriest and most unsatisfying screen gems ever made, but it changed the world and the culture for good, or at any rate forever.

Having seen Deep Throat at a high school slumber party years ago, I can't say I understand Hitch's praise. It was a pretty sucky film, literally and figuratively. I don't remember much about it, except that me and my friends couldn't stop laughing, which means it was either really cheesy, or we were really stoned. I also remember wondering how Linda Lovelace did that. They must have used some kind of special effects, is all I can think, because what I saw was not physically possible.

As long as we're on the subject, I have a blow job related philosophical question. It's a non-rhetorical one for the comments section if you choose to weigh in. It seems there are two schools of thought regarding the power distribution within a duo a fellatio.

School one views the person doing the sucking as the one with all the power. Quite simply, this school argues that despite the apparent subservience of the fellator's posture, and the work:reward ratio involved, it is the sucker rather than the suckee who is in command. The argument is based on the fact that at any time, at the whim of the fellator, the fellatee might find himself in a World Of Hurt According To Garp. If you know what I mean.

The second school of thought on the power relationship issue vis-a-vis dicksucking, tends to scoff at the former school's "Garp" argument. This more inferential argument can be summarized thusly: Since fellators service a fellatee willingly and almost never cause harm, it can be surmised that the fellatee has power akin to a master-slave relationship. As one arrogant guy said to me during a discussion of this very issue, "A powerful king won't let anyone with a sword near him. But the most powerful king surrounds himself with swordsmen, because he knows nobody would dare hurt him."

Interesting point. But still I would come down on the side of the fellator as the one with all the power. Because she/he still gets to decide whether, when and for how long the job gets done.

And how well.

h/t to Blogger Ale.

Update: Essential reading: Oral Sex for Dummies, by JoanC: Part I and Part II. Even if you think you know the subject, I gaurantee you won't think so after reading Joan.

Posted by: annika at 04:21 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 Women always had the power in a relationship because of their sex. That is until the last few decades where women have discarded their power in the pursuit of.........? Pre 1970's women had the power and the knew how to use it. That's why women in those days got married in their early 20's and today's women are lucky if they get married in their middle 30's.

Posted by: Jake at July 07, 2006 08:56 PM (CT8rN)

2 Robin Williams noted that God gave men both a dick and a brain, and only enough blood to run one at a time. Ven dee voomaan suck, she haav dee paawaaaaah. Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim at July 07, 2006 09:33 PM (1PcL3)

3 I'm stil astounded at the use of "Monica" and "influential" in the same sentence.

Posted by: Ontario Emperor at July 07, 2006 09:33 PM (GMHZ/)

4 Stil?

Posted by: Ontario Emperor at July 07, 2006 09:34 PM (GMHZ/)

5 As a potential California attorney, I think you already know the answer to your own question. Just look at your divorce laws. Just ask Johnny Carson (who, I know is dead) or Eddie Murphy, who lost both ways. If cunnilingal prowess were all it took to gain real estate, I'd be the King of Malibu by now. That I'm just some worthless loser in Toronto tells you all you need to know.

Posted by: skippystalin at July 07, 2006 10:23 PM (ohSFF)

6 All this talk about the power distribution during the act is sooooooo Gloria Steinem. I shouldn't have to tell you this, but I will; blowjobs are about having fun with your partner and if anyone is thinking about anything other than getting each other off, well, its just a little too bad for them.

Posted by: Pursuit at July 08, 2006 07:41 AM (n/TNS)

7 Pursuit, If your not going to be a cynic you should consider taking your pure of heart crap somewhere else. Just kidding. You are so obviously correct when the discussion involves people who are relatively healthy and capable of emotionally intergrated relationships but alas, they are in the minority and nonexistant if you watch shows like Huff, The Soprano's, Weed's, The Shield, Six Feet Under, Deadwood, Des. Housewives, and so many more. I enjoy most of these shows but i would not suggest that my children watch as examples of adults solving the problems of love and life in admirable or healthy ways. Now that that is out of the way I think the Catholics ruinied gettin on you knees for everyone. An important question concering the power balance is: In what position are you most comfortable/uncomfortable when getting/giving a blowjob. Then the anal i sis begins to have a foundation.

Posted by: Strawman at July 08, 2006 08:03 AM (G2Zzw)

8 The power of the one performing said blowjobbery comes from the ability to be able to stop at any given time. They are in control of every aspect of the blowjob -- speed, technique, longevity, rhythm, etc. And as for deepthroating...I assure you, it is not only possible, but not really that difficult once you learn to control your gag reflex. It's the same concept as drug mules swallowing condoms filled with drugs before boarding a plane. Swallow when it's at the top of the throat and then relax your esophogial muscles, letting it slide down.

Posted by: Joan at July 08, 2006 09:07 AM (Ffvoi)

9 Joan, I wonder if you could expand on the esophogial muscle tecnique you learned in Bogata. I have a girl friend down there looking to pick up some extra cash. Butt more importantly, I think your description of why and how the power lies with the jobber is deeply flawed. Am I to believe all the men you've jobbed have cum on your schedule, had their hips strapped to the whatever, and never touched your puffed cheek with their hands? Joan, have you ever jobbed someone who wasn't dead and didn't have an electrode up his ass or wasn't shackled to a wall in your basement??

Posted by: Strawman at July 08, 2006 10:39 AM (G2Zzw)

10 Strawman -- Yes, as a matter of fact, the men I have blown have cum on my schedule. Always. Have they been shackled? Only when they asked nicely.

Posted by: Joan at July 10, 2006 07:30 AM (r/CEY)

11 jOAN, That's great, I think schedules are very important.

Posted by: Strawman at July 10, 2006 08:39 AM (G2Zzw)

12 The second school of thought is just how hoooers delude themselves into thinking they're empowered. It's a penis, in your mouth. A penis, in your mouth. In your mouth, a penis. It's the king of Siam lording it over his lowly subject. In her mouth. With a penis. If you had a daughter and walked in on that, would you be horrified at how she's using him to get all empowered?

Posted by: Dave Munger at July 13, 2006 10:19 PM (eE3Nh)

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April 18, 2006

Bavarian Dingle Loaf?!

I must confess that I've never heard of Bavarian Dingle Loaf. But apparently it's like catnip to a kitten. Or a sex-kitten. The Weekly World News confirms this fact:

HEY, GUYS! You can bed more babes than you can shake a stick at by feeding them a medley of three "sex foods" that drive women wild with desire: Raw oysters, foot-long weenies, and the Old World favorite, "Bavarian dingle loaf!"

I can't eat raw oysters. I got really sick off them about ten years ago, so I won't eat them anymore. I've never noticed any aphrodisiacal properties to the Dodger Dog (although they seem to have worked for Steve Garvey). But the Bavarian Dingle Loaf has me intrigued.

"Nothing is 100 percent, of course. But in nine cases out of 10, women who eat these foods are going to come on strong. And they aren't going to care what you look like or how much money you have.

Riiiiight.

"Bavarian dingle loaf is the icing on your cake. You can buy all the ingredients to make it from scratch. Or you can just do what I do: Buy a can of biscuit dough and knead it all together into a big ball.
"Then roll it out by hand into the shape of manly privates. You can even throw in family jewels on one end if you like."
Bill K., of Franklin, Tenn., says he tried the wonder foods on his female supervisor at work, "a real witch who hated my guts."
"I took oysters and the dingle bread to work, and gave them to her for lunch," he recalls. "The next thing you know we're in the stockroom doing it like Chihuahuas in heat.
"I even got a raise out of it!"

Lol, maybe he put too much yeast in the dingle bread.

Seriously though. I don't know how scientific this research is. But I'd be willing to bet if you showed up at work with a penis shaped pastry for your female boss, you'd probably be cleaning out your desk before lunch.

Update: In case your interested: Penis shaped cake pans. Or if you really curious, and you're not at work, here are examples of some finished products within that genre.

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March 13, 2006

Blog=Sex

You can thank me later.

Via Beth.

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February 20, 2006

Just Get It On Already

Are we gonna see this in print?

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February 12, 2006

V-Day Advice

Purses and bags: NO. Our tastes are way too specific and there's too many variables involved. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can figure them all out. Same goes for shoes.

Pajamagrams, Vermont Teddy Bears or anything else advertised on late night cable tv: NO. Don't announce to your honey that you put no thought into the gift and selected it while watching re-runs of the A-Team.

Jewelry: Depends on the counter. Generally, if you can find it under glass, it's a YES. If it's hanging on a rack, give at your own risk.

Chocolate: Godiva, Sees, Dove? YES. Whitman's, Hershey's, Nestle? There better be another gift behind that one.

Flowers: Always a YES, unless they're the sole gift.

Gift Certificates: Book, record or department store certificates, NO. Everything else a MAYBE, but extra points for something out-of-the-ordinary, like an extravagant spa, a helicopter flight, horseback riding or something like that.

Useful housewares: Like a toaster or a blender? These might get you HURT. But anybody who doesn't know that probably doesn't date much anyway.

Fancy housewares: Like a set of delicate wineglasses? I'll give that a NOD.

Sex toys: I have nothing against sex toys, per se. But they're so overdone as a V-day gift, so I'm gonna say it's a NO. Valentines sex should be spontaneous, so don't announce that it's expected. As a surprise gift for no special occasion at all, there's a fun idea.

Lingerie: A possible YES. Here's the tip. Buy what she likes, not what looks good on Adriana. How do you know what she likes? Take a look in her drawer. If you don't see anything stringy, don't buy that three-pack of thongs. When in doubt, try boy-shorts. I don't know anyone who doesn't like boy-shorts.

Wine, beer or other intoxicants: If you have a nice evening planned, YES, by all means work this in. If you're thinking bubbly, I'd go with champagne over beer though.

Select wisely, and have a great Valentine's Day!

P.S. Remember to take the price tags off.

; )

Posted by: annika at 04:56 PM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
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1 Well, back around 1998, I made a gal very happy on V-day with a swell Kate Spade bag... but most straight dudes don't know who Kate Spade is, so the advice is solid overall. I agree completely on the sex toys and the teddy bears. Really elegant candles (with holders) are a go too, I've found.

Posted by: Hugo at February 12, 2006 06:46 PM (Yu24L)

2 I thought the best V-Day gift was a long, slow sensual massage ending in ferocious, take-no-prisoners cunnilingus, but that's just me. Orgasms: for women, they're the gift that keeps... (uuunnnhhh) on... (oooooooh... fuuuuuck...) GIVIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG!!! Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 12, 2006 07:12 PM (TDwc6)

3 I thought the subject of "sex toys" was taboo for conservatives. And, I'd be turned off if I saw a dildo in my gf's room. Now if y'all excuse me, I have to hide my inflatable Mohammed before company arrives...

Posted by: reagan80 at February 12, 2006 08:52 PM (BfbMq)

4 Actually, chocolate is not universally appreciated. Some women would not be pleased to receive it.

Posted by: Ontario Emperor at February 12, 2006 09:05 PM (62+YC)

5 I disappointed. Godiva is crap. So, It's a no too.

Posted by: Pursuit at February 12, 2006 09:19 PM (n/TNS)

6 Jeez Kev, that's my formula at least once a week. I have an account at the essential oils shop, and there's a guy who comes around once a month to fill my 500 gl in-ground AstroGlide tank.

Posted by: Casca at February 12, 2006 10:28 PM (2gORp)

7 Tommorrow is the day, and I have nothing. Guess I will get her a card if I have time, and I remember. If women get Valintines day, and mothers day, and children get Christmas and all the other holidays. We guys need a special day. How about "Steak and blow job Day"?

Posted by: kyle8 at February 13, 2006 03:48 AM (BUWVn)

8 Kyle, in my world, that's every Thursday.

Posted by: Casca at February 13, 2006 06:10 AM (y9m6I)

9 I love Adriana.

Posted by: Rob at February 13, 2006 07:00 AM (9DumO)

10 Luckily for me, she likes to get her own gifts.

Posted by: tesco at February 13, 2006 07:05 AM (c0E+O)

11 i loved that commercial a couple years ago where the woman is agonizing over the card for her boyfriend and spends a long time getting that special card. shift to the guy, who grabs a card from the counter in the fast food place while picking up a six pack of beer. when he gives her the card, the woman is just so excited and grateful that he picked such a personal card, and he just smiles...men are pigs sometimes!

Posted by: tim at February 13, 2006 07:57 AM (JSetw)

12 Actually, my sweetie has very particular tastes in jewelry, and demands that any prospective gift of the same be pre-approved. I'm not complaining, though; my bank account is healthier for it.

Posted by: Matt at February 13, 2006 08:19 AM (10G2T)

13 I don't have to get anyone anything this year. I'll let that console me while the rest of you break out the astro-glide.

Posted by: Scof at February 13, 2006 12:16 PM (a3fqn)

14 I was originally going to post this: Mmmmmmm champagne and chocolates and lacey boy shorts... But now that I've read the comments I'm posting this instead: Kevin, would you be my boyfriend?

Posted by: The Law Fairy at February 13, 2006 11:26 PM (954g7)

15 It's a shame my tongue doesn't stretch from Seoul to Los Angeles, Law Fairy. Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 14, 2006 01:36 AM (TDwc6)

16 You'd be sadly disappointed Kev. Law Fairy purports to be a chick.

Posted by: Casca at February 14, 2006 07:16 AM (y9m6I)

17 Et tu, Casca? Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 14, 2006 08:56 AM (1PcL3)

18 Actually, I thought Law Fairy was a man myself. Don't ask.

Posted by: reagan80 at February 14, 2006 09:27 AM (K9tdw)

19 Greetings Annie, After enjoying reading this article and running it by my wife (of 30 years) I thundered out and bought the last thing that was available at the store, some godiva and a valentine's butterfinger thing. I was quite proud of myself and was told that this is like the 3rd or 4th time in the 30 years that I remembered. Sometime later my wife asked if the blog that reminded me of this said that the price tags should be taken off. I told her, "no, it didn't."

Posted by: Drake Steel at February 14, 2006 10:14 AM (jh4mE)

20 correction made Drake. Thanks.

Posted by: annika at February 14, 2006 10:40 AM (zAOEU)

21 Buying things on an artificial holiday because you're compelled to by a woman is not exactly the acme of romance. Especially when the woman is only satisfied by great expense, as if the dollar amount measures your love and personal commitment.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at February 14, 2006 11:00 AM (1Vbso)

22 "as if the dollar amount measures your love and personal commitment." You say that like it's not true, Chris. ; )

Posted by: annika at February 14, 2006 12:45 PM (APvel)

23 Wow. Strange how many people think I'm a man from my fake internet name. I could comment on the social implications of this tendency... but that's probably more appropriate for my blog (where, by the way, my avatar is a very feminine-looking girl with wings) than annika's

Posted by: The Law Fairy at February 14, 2006 12:59 PM (XUsiG)

24 It's worse than that LF, not just a guy, but a goat-blower.

Posted by: Casca at February 14, 2006 03:32 PM (2gORp)

25 I'm not sure I even "get" that one...

Posted by: The Law Fairy at February 14, 2006 04:30 PM (XUsiG)

26 Neither did I the first time I heard the 1st Sgt say it. In fact he had to repeat himself three times, and finally in frustration reverted to a few more common, yet not necessarily descriptive colloquialisms. "Fairy" would have been a mild one of those.

Posted by: Casca at February 15, 2006 06:40 AM (y9m6I)

27 St. Valentines Day is no big deal. My dear wife of almost 17 years gets the same thing every year. Two boxes of Elmer's Chocolates (sold at Walmart, its her favorite). A potted plant (tulips, or some other bulb that she can eventually transplant into the garden. A funny card. She claims my sense of humor is what attracted me to her originally so I try and go with what got me here. I usually try and write something mushy in it. Lunch together. This is a small town with limited restaurants that are way to crowded on special nights. I get the lunch, candy and a card. We prefer to spend St. Valentines Day ruining each other's diets. Telling her I love her is what the other 364 days of the year are for. But I usually sneak one in sometimes during the day anyway.

Posted by: David at February 15, 2006 10:55 PM (auHyx)

28 Annika, I wished my mate read your column prior to V-Day, as he showed up with GODIVA choclotaes, knowing that I am dairy intolerate, no flowers, no card, a bag of chips, and a cheap bottle of wine. I had all these presents, plans of sexual excitement, a special card and made the dinner reservations. Needless to say the party was over so no blow job or sex. Prior years were thong underwear and a funny card, next was flowers only. Get a clue guys! I agree with you Kevin, but we need to hear I LOVE YOU TOO!

Posted by: shelly at February 16, 2006 09:30 AM (0nDEs)

29 All that, and a bag of chips too?

Posted by: annika at February 16, 2006 08:24 PM (fxTDF)

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December 04, 2005

U.C. Extracurriculars

At Berkeley, we had "the naked guy." Not to be outdone, U.C. Irvine can now boast about its "couple fucking in a professor's office."

Way to go aardvarks!*

Via Darleen.
_______________

* Or whatever they call themselves.

Posted by: annika at 08:46 AM | Comments (38) | Add Comment
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1 This is unbelievable! When I lived and worked down in Irvine people were always hooking up in the office and the fucking went all the way to the top. The president was busted with his secretary on the kitchen table one Saturday. It was a fun place to work.

Posted by: d-rod at December 04, 2005 09:29 AM (raaYV)

2 Only in California.

Posted by: Mark at December 04, 2005 11:04 AM (Vg0tt)

3 I wouldn't want to live somewhere where it wasn't possible to fuck in the office. As for this guy and his site... what a pussy. Other people fucking in MY office is a different story. I'd have taken his license, after all, he knows where I live. I want to know where he lives. Actually, I have more stories than I can remember on this front... indoor fire escapes in public buildings make excellent fornicatoriums.

Posted by: Casca at December 04, 2005 01:41 PM (qBTBH)

4 Couldn't agree more with Casca's assessment: What a pussy! I like to think that I'd have had the presence of mind to say to the dude, "if you didn't bring enough to share, get out."

Posted by: Matt at December 04, 2005 03:57 PM (O2NXM)

5 Why take his license? Hell, I'd take hers.

Posted by: shelly at December 04, 2005 07:53 PM (6mUkl)

6 Suppose for a moment the couple had been guys? Would the professor then backed out quietly? Afterall, one must respect diversity on campus right?

Posted by: NOTR at December 04, 2005 09:03 PM (izx0t)

7 What if it had been 2 girls? Cue the waka waka guitar and lock the door behind you.

Posted by: annika at December 05, 2005 11:04 AM (zAOEU)

8 A couple of remarks in my defense: I didn't want to exacerbate an already awkward situation by casting them out into a public space. They deserved it, no doubt, but the students I had on the way also deserve to not have to deal with half-naked people scrambling to get dressed in public...esp. when the male student seemed enraged. What would have happened if I threw them out and he came at me? Would I take a swing at a student, even though I'd have every right to? Esp. when I know that just because, in a common sense way, I would have had every right to, I'm also smart enough to know that in a legal sense, I may not have. After all, that office isn't actually "mine" but the university's; could a lawyer have made the argument that the student had every right to use the facilities as I did, and that I therefore had no right to take a swing at him, &c. I don't know how plausible this is, but since the student didn't strike me as being all that bright, I knew that if I did anything drastic I'd probably have to fill out MOUNTAINS of forms, attend a few hearings which, even if they exonerated me, would involve time better spent doing other things, &c. With all of this running through my head, I opted for the action which would result in the least number of forms filled out (zero to date) and amount of time wasted. As for whether I'd react differently if it had been a same-sex couple, I can answer that one quickly enough: No. I wouldn't have. The only situation in which I imagine acting differently is if I had known the couple. Or if there had been toddlers in the room. I would've sheparded those toddlers out of there lickity-split. All children have the right to learn about porn from internet like we did.

Posted by: The "Pussy" in Question at December 05, 2005 01:21 PM (MOIDT)

9 Thanks for removing all doubt.

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 02:51 PM (qBTBH)

10 Geez, the Internet has changed. Usedtabe you could call a guy a pussy on the Internet and he'd never even know. Now he follows a Technorati link or a trackback to its source and the next thing you know you're feelin' all guilty an' shit. Truth is, I don't actually know what I would've done under the circumstances. I do know that the male student's outrage would've outraged me, because I have a demonstrated tendency to react badly to unwarranted claims of right by wrongdoers attempting to paint me as the bad guy. (E.g., Neighbor A, who recently chastized me for merely asking Neighbor B if the barking of neighbor A's dog bothered Neighbor B as much as it bothered me. A and I were having a calm, reasonable discussion until he decided to express his outrage about that. Oops. There goes the adrenaline. Ah, shit ...) But that isn't necessarily a good thing. All-in-all, discretion is often the better part of valor. So I may've been a little quick with the name-calling. Sorry, dude. Annie, Re two chicks and a waka waka guitar: now I'm going to have to go to confession or something. And I went the weekend before last! Thanks a lot! ;-) (Not that I've ever had much trouble generating my own, er, impure thoughts.)

Posted by: Matt at December 05, 2005 03:10 PM (10G2T)

11 I was expecting that response from you, Casca. But damn, you're quick on the trigger.

Posted by: Matt at December 05, 2005 03:12 PM (10G2T)

12 Same thing happened at My wifes office building coupla years ago. We had several couples meeting in the parking lot to go to a party and someone points to a second story office, there are two bodies on a desk going after it. It was quite funny at the time. it really goes on a lot I'm sure. I always heard that the guys who get the most poon on the job (except for porn actors) is Cops.

Posted by: Kyle N at December 05, 2005 03:17 PM (sRVwT)

13 C'mon Matt, you're not that far from your tribal roots. You'd have told the trespasser to get the fuck out, all the while leering at the sperm recepticle. I'd guess that most guys with a hard-on are more prepared for flight than fight. Jeez, I have a great story of standing duty the first night the battalion returned from deployment, and the patriotic hoochie who offered to be the locomotive for bus fare. Truth is stranger than fiction. BTW, don't bother reading this guy's site. He really does squat to piss.

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 03:19 PM (qBTBH)

14 Hey BTW, if you havent seen the Johnny Cash movie yet, It's the best thing I have seen in years. Oscar level performances for both Phoenix and Reese Diddlespoon.

Posted by: Kyle N at December 05, 2005 03:20 PM (sRVwT)

15 Let's just say, if you come to the beach on Coronado north of the Hotel Del, don't eat off the picnic table next to the lifeguard tower.

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 03:24 PM (qBTBH)

16 Matt, not only am I quick... I'm accurate!

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 03:27 PM (qBTBH)

17 Casca, no doubt you'd have been more manly, thrown their asses--which you'd then beat--out of the office and then wasted weeks of your life filling out forms; attending mandatory sessions with university approved sexual harassment and/or anger management counselors; standing in line at the unemployment office; &c. That certainly would have been the manly course of action. I chose the rational one because I have more productive things I could be doing and, to be frank, no real investment in having strangers think I'm masculine. That I'm comfortable with my masculinity says a lot about me, just as the fact that you're not comfortable with yours says a lot about you.

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman at December 05, 2005 03:56 PM (MOIDT)

18 Eeeeew, Casca. Of course, regarding office hijinx, longtime readers know i'm not the one to be throwing the first stone either.

Posted by: annika at December 05, 2005 03:57 PM (zAOEU)

19 Matt, thanks for that. I find it impossible to believe that some people advocate the hot-headed, potentially-litigious response over the clear-headed, eminently-rational one. Nevermind. I don't find it impossible at all: as you point out, if you're not in the position and don't have to face the consequences, it's easy to say what you would've done and spin your actions in whatever way you think flatters you the most. Exhibit #1: Casca.

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman at December 05, 2005 04:02 PM (MOIDT)

20 As one who has an office (so filthy that no sane people would wish to copulate in it), let me say that I would be fairly generous about letting the kids finish. I remember being young and desperate for a "place" in my day, and though I have no intention of offering my office for such purposes, I'm immensely sympathetic to the youngsters who simply felt the need and went in the first unlocked door.

Posted by: Hugo at December 05, 2005 04:26 PM (a64wL)

21 "I remember being young and desperate for a "place" in my day ..." Well, yeah. But it is college, after all. Don't they have dorm rooms? Good roommates have arrangements for this sort of thing. If not, isn't there an empty closet somewhere? (I mean, at least the janitor probably doesn't feel much sense of ownership toward his closet.) A rooftop? A quiet study room in the library that can be locked from the inside? Something besides someone else's office?!

Posted by: Matt at December 05, 2005 05:14 PM (nVlQX)

22 SEK, Casca, not comfortable with his masculinity? Gosh, I never noticed. THanks for the heads up. I just thought he was a dumbass x-soldier. Who knew he had any real masculinity to be anxious about although we know he's got plenty of the kind that came in the box with his uniform and gun.

Posted by: Strawman at December 05, 2005 05:17 PM (0ZdtC)

23 I don't know who Casca is, but if he's an ex-soldier, I respect him for putting his life where his principles are. You saying I don't respect the soldier because the person was a little too anxious to declare my lack and his implied excess of masculinity is preposterous. In my experience, a man who feels the urge to impugn another man's masculinity usually has issues with his own. If that's not the case here, then it's not the case. Don't know what else to say that I haven't already said. Except that I have this theory about people who snipe anonymously...

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman at December 05, 2005 05:37 PM (MOIDT)

24 Not the first time in these threads that Strawman's "arguments" have been declared preposterous. But he is not that anonymous since we know his name is Mike, he doesn't like bush and enjoys pretending to be gay.

Posted by: d-rod at December 05, 2005 07:26 PM (V+SkO)

25 Oh fuck that d-rod. Strawman's been blowing goats since he was knee-high to a grasshopper. As for all you manly wymin's studies community college professor wannabe's... I'm sorry that you don't have the stones to defend your own turf in a fashion that will deter any and all retribution. I simply have no desire to sit in another man's splooge, and will communicate that message with an appropriate level of force. I will not be run off from my cave by some punk full of spunk. Just keep telling yourself how secure you masculinity is, while you count up all the risks in life you've avoided. I'm sorry, but pussy is the best sobriquet, that I can dig up for you.

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 07:47 PM (qBTBH)

26 This is one of the seminal subjects of what's wrong with our culture. We (neanderthals) make a big deal of how we turn young men into Marines, but the reality is that all we need to start with, is the guys who aren't afraid to get in a fight on the playground. It's that simple. Somewhere along the line of denigrating masculine virtue, we lost site of virtue altogether. We live in a society where being a man is against the law. Taking the downside into consideration is prudent. Hiding around the corner so that tresspassers may exit with dignity is nutless. As an old friend of mine used to say, "Cowards die a thousand deaths... " Heh, anyone notice how SEK threw up a strawman?

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 08:02 PM (qBTBH)

27 Casca, I respect what you were willing to give up for your country, but you're a blowhard. I've known Marines--in fact, I've roomed with two since I've been in grad. school--and you know what? Neither of them thought any less of me for how I handled the situation. Both of them took the "finger the brass" attitude and applauded the way I avoided what would've entailed the involvement of officers in grunt disputes. If you think my attitude is what's wrong with our culture, take it up with your fellow Marines. Then there's the fact that I'm the occasion for you to repeat what's obviously a regularly scheduled diatribe. Blah blah blah, men can't be manly, blah blah blah. Wonderfully rehearsed, but it lacks the power it had the first couple hundred times you mouthed it. For example: Taking the downside into consideration is prudent. Hiding around the corner so that tresspassers may exit with dignity is nutless. Maybe. But I was also considering the feelings and well-being of my student, who shouldn't be subjected to the vitriol or violence this punk might've been capable of. Let's do a thought experiment: pretend that instead of a student, I was there with my child. If I had confronted the student and the student had turned violent, I would've endangered my child. I would not have acted prudently because I didn't have the interests of others in mind. Flip it back to what actually happened: I chose to duck around the corner because I wanted to avoid having a confrontation in front of my student. You can say that I shouldn't consider my student the same way I'd consider my child, but I take my responsibility as a teacher seriously and would no more want to endanger my student than I would my flesh-and-blood. Was that an irrational fear? Thankfully, I'll never know. Here's the thing: I'm a former baseball and soccer player who has, I admit, become a bit of a pussy since I had cancer and am not itching for a fight the way I used to. Before chemo I weighed in around 190 lbs. Now I'm around 140 lbs. I feel, how should I say it, not quite as strong as I used to be. But you know what? Fuck that. One stereotypical standard apply to all. I'm everything that's wrong with our culture blah blah blah. In all seriousness, if you are/were a Marine--something I'm taking on faith, because you never know what nut will claim combat experience when it suits his or her argument--you have my utmost respect and gratitude. You've done my country a service, and for that I can't heap enough praise on you. But if you honestly think that I'm what's wrong with our culture, you're an ideologue who can't see the facts for the dogma. I'd hate to think you're both, but I honestly don't know.

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman at December 05, 2005 08:38 PM (MOIDT)

28 It was nut cancer wasn't it. Can't they sew a marble in or something? LMFAO, you don't know how hard you've made me laugh. In any case, your writing sucks. It's all over the place, and weak. Fuck, I've been writing this for fifteen minutes and i'm still LMAO.

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 08:54 PM (qBTBH)

29 25 other trackbacks on that post and the flamewar ends up here? What kind of luck is that?

Posted by: annika at December 05, 2005 09:08 PM (xdXob)

30 Shit, if you laugh at Marines and cancer survivors, you're lying about your service and don't deserve my respect. Simple as that.

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman at December 05, 2005 09:09 PM (MOIDT)

31 Annika, I didn't mean to start something here. I do think that my actions have been misrepresented by someone with an agenda, and I do feel obliged to refute the mischaracterizations since they are, well, mischaracterizations. If Casca would like to take his complaints elsewhere, I'd be more than happy to do so. Of course, I know what my courtesy will be construed as...

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman at December 05, 2005 09:13 PM (MOIDT)

32 Gawd you're pathetic, just crawl away and live in obscurity with your shame, AND your pathetic blog. Nobody at that estrogenfest will ever challenge you. NUTcancer, LMAO, how did I know? It's a gift.

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 09:27 PM (qBTBH)

33 Casca, I'd come to your defense, but I think you are doing just fine without me. Only one question: Why go back to pussy, when "squats to piss" is just so much more graphic. Stay with a winner. LMFAO, too. Aren't you a little bit embarrassed to be playing with the little kids?

Posted by: shelly at December 05, 2005 09:28 PM (6mUkl)

34 At some point one does begin to feel guilty. Kind of like the Seahawks tonight.

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 09:47 PM (qBTBH)

35 Casca, I protected my student, myself, and preserved the dignity of those who didn't deserve it--which, to some minds, is analogous to defending the freedom of liberals--whereas you have declared me a pussy. I'm sorry, but I know Marines and former Marines, and you lack the gravitas that characterizes them. If you were a Marine--a fact which becomes more dubious with every word you write--from what I know you'd be the "hero," i.e. the idiot there to kill Kill KILL and gets his buddies killed more often than he does anything constructive. That, or your'e a liar and weren't in the service. I'm more inclined to believe the latter, since all the "heroes" I've heard about died (and took half their squad with 'em) the second they entered a combat zone. So would you like to tell us how it is you survived, being that you're such a manly man? Oh, I almost forgot, you're still mocking Marines and cancer survivors. Not that Shelley has an opinion worth listening to, but I'd love to hear why you think you're so better than Marines and cancer survivors. If you respond to this challenge with another post calling me a "pussy," everyone will know you for the fraud you are. Respond to my specific claims and concerns or be branded a fool and coward. Simple as that. I know you're scared shitless to debate this on its merits, since all you have on your side is an inflated sense of your own self-worth, but I'd really love to see you try. Please, discredit the Corp and the people they've vowed to defend it. If you do, you're an unpatriotic hypocrite who would take arms against America if it was considered manly enough.

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman at December 05, 2005 09:54 PM (MOIDT)

36 SEK, in this situation your acts were cowardly. Now that doesn't preclude you from ever NOT being cowardly, but if you don't learn from the lesson... you probably will continue your downward spiral into a life where you'll never write your name in the snow. Also, as others have noted, you're a child. You're arguments are childish, and you badger like a woman so I'll throw the towel in and let you have your way. Aint gonna happen, not to some guy with no marbles in his sack.

Posted by: Casca at December 05, 2005 10:07 PM (qBTBH)

37 I offered a very specific challenge: refute what I said or be proved a liar. You chose to not refute what I said, so you've been proved a liar. If it ever snows in southern California, as a Southerner I assure you I'll piss my name in it...as well as my wife's, all my friends and everyone I've ever known. Besides, who else has said I'm a child? You're flinging straw at me with the hope it'll become a man. It won't. Let me repeat: I've known Marines. You strike me as a little shit who likes to claim he's a Marine because he's worked at Pizza Hut his entire adult life. Prove you're a Marine by words, actions or plaudits and you'll earn universal accolades. As it stands, you're all masculine talk and no action. In fact, according to thems that stand over my shoulder, I should call you out as a fraud who wants to hijack the authority of the Marines for his own personal gain. But you know what? Real Marines shit on posers like you. So deal or be dealt with. Tell me your name, rank and service or disappear into the night like every other crank who's lied about their service. Because, and I know you'll think me a pussy and possibly a fag for saying this, but I love anyone who puts on the uniform to defend my rights and my freedoms, and you seem like a spineless fuck who wants to piggyback on their sacrifice for your own personal gain. Sorry if I don't respect you, but there are actual heroes out there to pay tribute to...or what? Do you think your posturing is more important than their sacrifices? Please, enlighten me as to their worthlessness. I'll send them some emails. Sure, they're in Iraq, but I think they'd love to hear how much better you are than them. Again, I apologize for going on at length, but people I love are putting themselves on the line in Iraq, and this guy is sitting at home talking about how great he is. You'll have to pardon me if I don't think he's hot shit.

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman at December 05, 2005 10:37 PM (MOIDT)

38 Sorry, I'm not really susceptable to rhetorical trickeration. I'm sure that it works all day at UC Irvine, but among the travelled grownups of this world. It doesn't wash. This is all about your inability to stand up for yourself as anyone with gumption would. That girl wasn't crying when she left your office, she was laughing at your pairing of man-bag with your skirt and pumps.

Posted by: Casca at December 06, 2005 05:50 AM (qBTBH)

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October 05, 2005

It Was Bound To Happen...

Brittany Sex Tape release feared.

My prediction: she still has no talent.

Update: Her lawyers concur.

A copy of the original tape viewed by the couple's lawyers elicited laughter and disgust.

That's harsh, dudes.

Update 2: My sources in the media have obtained for me a copy of the tape. It's dark and filmed in night vision green, but i was able to transcribe some of the audio for you.

Brittany: "is that better hun?"
Kevin: "uh-uh"
Brittany: "here let me..."
Kevin: "I don't..."
Brittany: "it's not..."
Kevin: "just..."
Brittany: "uhhh..."
Kevin: "maybe if you just..."
Brittany: "huh?"
Kevin: "ow"
Brittany: "sorry, I..."
Kevin: "no keep going..."
Brittany: "I'm..."
Kevin: "there... no... "
Brittany: "ow"
Kevin: "what?"
Brittany: "let's try it this, uh..."
Kevin: "wait..."
Brittany: "how about now?"
Kevin: "it's gone..."
Brittany: "what?"
Kevin: "it's no good..."
Brittany: "huh?"
Kevin: "sorry I'm just..."
Brittany: "huh?"
Kevin: "you're..."
Brittany: "i can't..."
Kevin: "ow"

It goes on like that for several minutes. Quite boring, actually.

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July 26, 2005

Condoms And The Beaver

This is hilarious. Via The Cotillion.

By the way, this week's hostesses for the Ball are: Sadie (warning: femme fatale alert), Beth (warning: sticky fingers alert), Claire (warning: shoe fetish alert), and Denita (warning: Sweet lyrics alert)

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May 16, 2005

"She's A Crazy Girl"

Like many people, i've been expecting to hear that Wilbanks, the runaway bride, was on a cross country booty call when she disappeared. The fact that i was right, merely confirms that human nature is soo predictable. It's a great example of Occam's Razor at work.

The New York Post reports:

Jennifer Wilbanks wasn't just running away from her wedding, she was running toward something Â— an old paramour with whom she had a steamy sexual relationship.
The bolting bride set her sights on New Mexico sometime during her three-day cross-country sprint from the altar because it's the home of a short-lived fling, several sources told The Post.
But if Wilbanks harbored hope of reigniting an old passion, she would have been sorely disappointed.
'I would have turned her ass in, no question,' former flame Todd Kendrick told The Post.
'And then,' he joked, 'I'd have asked for the $100,000 reward.'
. . .
Kendrick said that though 'worried' for Wilbanks, he 'had a feeling' foul play wasn't involved when she vanished in Georgia four days before her planned lavish wedding to fiancÃƒÂ© John Mason.
'She's a crazy girl,' said Kendrick, who said he had a brief Â— and sexually charged Â— relationship with Wilbanks.
. . .
Said Kendrick, 'When I heard she was here, I thought, "Oh, God, why not Idaho?" Â— anywhere else, really.'
. . .
Kendrick, 41, said he knows Wilbanks, 32, through his younger sister Â— who was to be a bridesmaid in Wilbanks' jettisoned wedding and had thrown her a bridal shower.
'About three years ago, she and my sister came out to New Mexico together to visit me; I dated [Jennifer] a couple of times,' he said.
Like other men who've gone a few rounds with Wilbanks Â— several firemen, a dentist and gym buffs among them Â— Kendrick said Wilbanks had a healthy sexual appetite.
'She liked sex,' he said.
Nevertheless, Wilbanks' fiancÃƒÂ©, Mason, has famously boasted he and his intended had abstained during the 18-month courtship leading up to their planned wedding.
Kendrick found it 'very disturbing' that Wilbanks tried to feed police a phony kidnap-and-rape story after she landed in New Mexico after a side trip to Las Vegas.

Posted by: annika at 06:51 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 376 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Wow, I didn't think I had anything in common with the runaway bride, other than my name...until I read this story...yikes.

Posted by: Jennifer at May 16, 2005 08:22 AM (GrE2T)

2 Typically classy of the NY Post to advertise the woman's sexual history to the world... Lesson to the ladies: don't back out of those 600 person weddings- you'll have more than just the caterer to pay.

Posted by: Preston at May 16, 2005 09:27 AM (wkfsI)

3 Looks like you got spammed.

Posted by: Preston at May 16, 2005 10:36 AM (wkfsI)

4 Mason, has famously boasted he and his intended had abstained during the 18-month courtship leading up to their planned wedding. is this behaviour normal, circa 2005?

Posted by: louielouie at May 16, 2005 02:55 PM (i7mWl)

5 Do you buy a car without testdriving? Most women are nucking futz, present company excepted, but some take it to an extreme. I'm thinking that this story will keep going and going because this bitch isn't about to start acting sane anytime soon, and her fiance is a douche nozzle too. The hypocrisy is icing on the cake, hehehe, cake, get it?

Posted by: Casca at May 16, 2005 03:35 PM (qBTBH)

6 Mason should start running now and not come back. This woman is a head case. (How's that for a double entendre?) If you will recall, I also predicted that there was another person involved. Now I think more than just one. I don't believe the bus (the station is in the next town); I think she had a guy drive her to Vegas and she tired him out and headed for New Mexico. Talk about sowing wild oats before the wedding; she sure gave herself one Hell of a stag party.(or is it "batchlorette?)

Posted by: shelly at May 16, 2005 05:36 PM (6krEN)

7 Hmmmm. The Post's assertions seem more like speculative muckraking than certainty. She never contacted him and ended up two hours away from him?? I need something more than vague connect-the-dots what-ifs. If she were indeed on a cross-country booty call, it seems like she would have contacted him, and would have gone to the same town. And this guy sounds like he's got an ego and lapped up the press attention Â–- a real class act.

Posted by: Todd at May 16, 2005 07:33 PM (rywVr)

8 Todd, you've got to be kidding. When did you ever know a woman who logically planned things out? You're applying male traits of thought to hormonally driven whackdoodles. It doesn't compute.

Posted by: Casca at May 16, 2005 10:06 PM (qBTBH)

9 This post should come along with sound. Perhaps Rick James's "Superfreak."

Posted by: Mark at May 17, 2005 12:20 PM (Hk4wN)

10 OK, Casca, you got me lol with "homonally driven whackdoodles". Is that copyrighted, or is in the public domain? Doesn't really matter because I intend to lift it anyway. Thank G_d I lived most of my life before this generation...

Posted by: shelly at May 17, 2005 12:52 PM (pO1tP)

11 this is the kind of stuff you should link to: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/17/science/17orga.html?ex=1273982400&en=cfd291023ce879b1&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss

Posted by: louielouie at May 17, 2005 05:33 PM (i7mWl)

12 I know, we're swirling down the vortex of the decline of Western Civilization.

Posted by: Casca at May 17, 2005 11:00 PM (qBTBH)

13 The poor woman blew off her "douche nozzle" (LOL) and made it all the way to NM...the least he could have done is provided her a nice dinner and some freaky sex. It's the right thing to do.....

Posted by: Jason O. at May 18, 2005 10:18 AM (2CAKL)

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April 24, 2005

i Have Been Grumpy Lately...

...but that's no reason to jump to any conclusions.

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1 I'll be right over!

Posted by: Casca at April 24, 2005 09:54 PM (cdv3B)

2 Sorry, I couldn't resist posting this email my wife sent me yesterday: Why Women are Crabby We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then come their teen years. Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. So we progress into the grand finale! : "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

Posted by: shelly at April 25, 2005 12:21 AM (pO1tP)

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April 21, 2005

Italian Sausages Judged Biggest

From Reuters:

Germans have average lengths of about 3.4 inches, Israelis 3.27 inches, Turks 3.07 inches and Filippinos 2.89 inches. Italians were the longest at 3.54 inches, and Americans averaged 3.46 inches.
The study did not measure the penises when they were erect.

All i can say about that is...

LMAO!

And that there's one group that's conspicuously absent from the study.

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January 05, 2005

I Hear The Law Firm Of Gypsy, Rose & Lee Is Hiring

And in the "aren't there too many lawyers already?" department, we have this story:

An assistant Broward County public defender who was forced to quit after charges of sexual misbehavior was cleared, reinstated and promoted on Monday.

Promoted!

Jayme Cassidy, who was forced to quit Nov. 28 by former Public Defender Alan Schreiber, was rehired on the first workday of new Public Defender Howard Finkelstein.
. . .
She was accused by Schreiber of harassing two male lawyers in the office, slapping a private lawyer at a Halloween party and dancing nude at a conference on sex cases in Orlando.

Well if a lawyer's gonna dance nude, where better to do it than at a conference on sex cases?

Finkelstein said Cassidy never danced nude but may have acted inappropriately on other occasions. He said any incidents happened outside the office and did not meet the definition of sexual harassment or creating a hostile workplace.
He blamed Cassidy's misbehavior on the breakup of her marriage.

Or could it be that her marriage broke up because of her behavior? Just a thought.

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January 04, 2005

They're Lonely And They're Spectacular

This one belongs in The "Huh" Files.

Teri Hatcher has revealed she hasn't had sex in four years.
The beautiful actress, famous for her role as Lois Lane in '90s hit TV series 'The New Adventures of Superman', has confessed she hasn't had any fun between the sheets since splitting from actor husband Jon Tenney in 2000.
The star, who also plays a frustrated single mum in the acclaimed US series 'Desperate Housewives' told Britain's The Sun newspaper: 'There just isn't any space for it.

'I don't have a boyfriend because I don't go out on dates.
But it's okay - I'm not sad because of it.'

Four years? Dang.

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December 23, 2004

Finals Update

Finals are done. Overall i feel good about it. i tried to avoid the extensive post-mortems that everybody warned me about. i'm just glad they're over and i can relax for a few weeks until grades come out and we start all over again. Yesterday's test was property and i think i really nailed that exam, despite it being such a huge subject.

Afterwards there was much drinking and merriment. We hit the local law school hangout and the night included loud music of course, lots of beer, a few white russians which i made the b/f buy me, some pool, some smoking, more heavy drinking, and a heated but good-natured debate about the relative merits of Divac versus Osterslug at the center position.

Charissa and i are driving to L.A. this morning so Mike drove us home early. i was stinky drunk. We lost track of my roommate Colleen halfway through the night and were a little worried when she wouldn't answer her phone. But we figured she was okay after we saw a strange car in our driveway. As we stumbled towards the door, we also found this on the lawn. i took a picture to preserve the evidence and also because i was stinky drunk.

My environment was beginning to spin, so i went straight to bed. Early this morning, when Charissa got up to make coffee she was greeted by more evidence in the kitchen. Ho ho ho! Way to go Colleen!

What do you do when you find something like that? There are two options: One, pretend you didn't notice and maintain secrecy so as to preserve everyone's dignity. Or two, call attention to it in a way that will maximize embarrassment for the guilty parties. Charissa and i discussed the matter and, quite predictably, we chose option two.

Oh that gossip mill is going to be on fire next semester!

Alright, it's already late and we should have left an hour ago. i wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas in case i don't post before then. May Santa be good to you all! Ho ho ho!

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November 15, 2004

What About Dick?

Kevin at Wizbang has the photo of Cheney's . . . umm . . . dick. Kinda puts W's flight suit "package" picture to shame.

Best comment to Kevin's post is by Christopher Cross: "That must be what they mean by 'gravitas.'"

Heh.

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