November 05, 2004

Important Safety Tip

What was this guy thinking?

A Romanian father-of-five needed medical help after he superglued a condom to his penis.

Nicolae Popovici, 43, told doctors he didn't want any more children, reports National newspaper.

The man, from Topraiser in Constanta county, named only as NP in the paper, already has five children.

He and his wife decided to use contraception but the condom they bought was too big so he stuck it on with glue.

After sex, the man realised he couldn't remove the condom and went to his village's medical clinic for help.

A nurse said: 'He even said that he thought the condom could be used several times and that he wanted it stuck on his penis so he could use it again later. We barely managed to remove it in the end.'

Good thing none of the glue leaked during the act. Ouch!

From Ananova.

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October 20, 2004

Gavin Newsom: Sex Symbol

Not much to add to this story. It's pretty freakin' funny as is:

Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsom took the stage at Thursday night's big Empire State Pride Agenda fund-raiser.

Guilfoyle Newsom was a last-minute sub for her husband at the gay rights event, which drew 1,100 guests. By all accounts, Guilfoyle Newsom -- who lives in New York and is a regular on Court TV -- gave an inspired speech.

But what really brought the house down was when she started talking about her hubby.

'I know that many of you wanted to see my husband and some of you had questions out there,' Guilfoyle Newsom said.

'Is he hot? Yeah.

'Is he hung? Yeah.

'Is he (she waved her hand to suggest bisexual)? Not unless you can give a better (she mimicked eating a banana) than me,' Guilfoyle Newsom said.

Clinton and Starr, what hast thou wrought?

From SFGate.

Update: Here, Bill and Gavin seem to disagree on what the definition of "hung" is.

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September 20, 2004

"Hi Mom, College Is Fun, And I Finally Found A Diet I Can Stick To!"

Is the following a joke, or is it serious? Probably both.

sexplease.gif

From a site called College Sex Advice comes this:

The Freshman Sex Diet

The dreaded Freshman Fifteen - those infamous extra pounds that new college arrivals inevitably pack on. This weight gain typically results from a diet of dorm food, pizza parties, keggers, and junk-food fueled all-nighters, coupled with reduced physical activity. Luckily there is a fun and easy solution that can keep you in shape - have sex!

Sounds reasonable? Wait, it gets better:
Sex is great exercise and it's more fun than going to the gym. Sex is good for your circulation, improves aerobic fitness by increasing heart rate and respiration, and exercises many major muscle groups. Each time you have sex, you burn between 100 to 300 calories per hour, depending on how vigorously you go at it. If you can't find a partner, don't worry; masturbation burns calories too.

To get the most fitness value out of sex, be sure to include lot of different activities in your session . . . To spot-tone problem areas of the body, here are some specific exercises you can do during sex. Your partner doesn't even need to know that you're working out while you screw. Try to avoid counting reps under your breath - it could spoil the mood.

Some PG rated examples: "Cowgirl Quad Lifts," the "Inner Thigh Scissors Squeeze," and "Missionary Push Ups." You get the picture.
Chilling in front of the TV is prime snacking time for lots of folks. Same goes for listening to music or watching movies. Next time you settle down in front of the tube, instead of reaching into that bag of chips, reach down your pants and spank the monkey or pet your kitty. If you're with friends, don't be shy; try to get them in on the act too.

Umm, Ohhh-kay . . .

My days at Cal were pretty wild, but i think any guy who tried that, even at Berkeley, would've gotten a different kind of beat-down pretty quickly, and often.

i don't know. Has college changed that much since i was a freshman?

Link via Life of Brian.

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August 25, 2004

A Vaguely Olympics Related Poetry Day

It was so funny listening to Bob Costas talking about the Greek island of Lesbos tonight on the Olympics broadcast. He totally skipped over the one question that had half of America giggling. i can imagine all the Beavis and Butthead imitations going on in living rooms across the country: "huh-huh... he said lesbos... huh-huh."

Yes, strictly speaking, a lesbian is what you call someone from Lesbos. So how did that word become transformed into a gay moniker? And what does that have to do with poetry day? Read on:

The most famous lesbian of all was the classical Greek poetess Sappho, who lived in the seventh century B.C. She ran a school for girls on Lesbos that was sort of the artistic hippie commune of its day. She was such a revered poet that people called her "the tenth muse."

Sappho wrote a series of beautiful lyric poetry that survives only in fragments. It was written on stone tablets, which broke over the years and many of the pieces are missing. The only thing left of much of Sappho's work is a line here and a line there, leaving only glimpses of some romantic and evocative poetry, now lost forever.

Some of Sappho's poem fragments have been interpreted as evidence that she was indeed a lesbian, in both senses of the word. Thus the modern meaning of "lesbian." Although there is still some dispute about whether Sappho really liked girls or whether it was more of a sisterly thing she was writing about.

Sappho's poems have consistently resisted translation into English in a way that reveals their beauty to the non-Greek speaker. Or so i'm told. i took Latin, not Greek in high school, so i'll just have to take the poetry scholars' word for it.

Mary Barnard's recent translation is very nice, although i'm not sure how faithful it is to the original. Today's poem is an especially pretty translation by Barnard, which seems to be from a more intact fragment.


Yes, Atthis, you may be sure

          Even in Sardis
Anactoria will think often of us
of the life we shared here,

          when you seemed
the Goddess incarnate
to her and your singing
          pleased her best

Now among Lydian women she in her
turn stands first as the red-
fingered moon rising at sunset takes

precedence over stars around her;
her light spreads equally
on the salt sea and fields thick with bloom

Delicious dew pours down to freshen
roses, delicate thyme,
and blossoming sweet clover; she wanders

aimlessly, thinking of gentle
Atthis, her heart hanging
heavy with longing in her little breast

She shouts aloud, Come! we know it;
thousand-eared night repeats that cry
across the sea shining between us


i think it's appropriate that this week's poem is a selection from Sappho, in honor of the Olympic Games in general and a couple of American gold medalists in particular who, perhaps unintentionally, paid homage to the spirit of Sappho the other night.

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July 14, 2004

F*** The Vote

On his radio show tonight, Alan Colmes mentioned the website of a new liberal propaganda tool called "Fuck the Vote" The site is absolutely not work safe, so here's the idea, in their own words:

SEXY LIBERALS OF THE U.S. UNITE in taking back the government from the sexually repressed, right-wing, zealots in control! Everyone knows liberals are hotter than conservatives - we look hotter, we dress hotter, our ideas are hotter, and we are infinitely hotter in the sack. We must use this to our advantage - as one more weapon in a diverse arsenal to strip the conservatives of their power (by stripping them of their clothes first).

Believe it or not, even the most seemingly deeply rooted right-wing ideologue can be manipulated by sex. As we all know, the sex drive is a powerful beast that has the potential to change people. People lie for sex, they cheat for sex, they even kill for sex - and you can be sure that they will change the way they think (and therefore vote) for sex. All you need to be armed with are your sexy progressive values, a razor-sharp wit, your genitalia, and a mindset that doesn't mind taking one for the team.

At Fuck The Vote we provide a Pledge Sheet that can be used conveniently before becoming physically intimate with a conservative, The Pledge Sheet asks the signee to make a promise to vote for anyone but George Bush in the November election. FTV has not endorsed a single candidate but recommends strategic voting. We also encourage FTV fans to take road trips this summer to swing(er) states to collect pledges. If you collect a pledge let us know about it on the Swinger States page! Have safe fun fucking over Bush while fucking for votes.

Interesting idea. However, i say what's good for the goose should be good for the gander. And really, what makes them think liberals are better in bed? i take issue with that whole premise. i can say from some little experience (i did go to high school and college in the Bay Area) that conservatives are just as hot, if not hotter,* just as sexy, if not sexier, and just as rockin' if not better in bed than any liberal. It's all that repressed sexual energy.

So, why not have a conservative version of this thing? Using the liberal pledge as a template, it might go something like this:

I, the undersigned, pledge my vote for George W. Bush on November 2, 2004 in return for getting laid by a hot freaky conservative.

I understand that this pledge is a symbol of good faith that I will cast my vote for a strong, safe and vibrant America, for a president who will stand up straight and tall for the values that make this country great, who will defend this country rigidly as we plunge forward into the future, and for a tax policy that stimulates growth by pumping more and more money into the private sector again and again and again. I further promise that i will not vote for candidates who promise a flaccid foreign policy or a limp and disappointing economic plan.


* Case in point.

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July 01, 2004

Washington Skankwoman

Here's a great idea for getting rich. Actually, it's not a new idea. It's really a very old idea. It used to be called whoring. Now, you just add blogging, politics, and a ghost writer, then wait a year or so for the big cash advance.

In May 26-year-old Jessica Cutler was fired by Senator Mike DeWine, an Ohio Republican, from her $25,000-a-year job sorting mail in his office after she was discovered using the Senate computer to write a blog that supposedly chronicled her sexual exploits with six unidentified Washington men, including one she described as a prominent appointee of the Bush administration. Now Ms. Cutler has taken what, for generations of young women who have become involved with the powerful, has been the next logical step. She has become a writer. Yesterday she sold a novel based on her exploits to HyperionDisney (Walt). Her agent, Michael Carlisle of Carlisle & Company, said the price was "a substantial six figures," and Hyperion would not be more specific. Not only did he sell her novel, he said, but she will also pose nude for the November issue of Playboy. Ms. Cutler's novel will be called "The Washingtonienne," after the name of her blog. Mr. Carlisle said that Ms. Cutler would not speak to the press until the book was published, perhaps a year from now.
Via Michelle Malkin's blog and column.

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May 26, 2004

A Meme

Hugo had a great post on Monday about the number. Curiously, it generated no comments. Then tonight, a local radio talk show host named John Ziegler did a segment on the number. One caller made the point that women always lie about theirs, and i would agree. Whether it's inflated or under-stated, women tend to fudge the number in conversation.

i have this urge to reveal my own number, my true number, not because i'm either proud or ashamed of it, but because it's a topic that people have been talking about lately, and therefore a good subject for blogging. Also, it might be an excellent way to generate hits. Still, i'm reluctant to just blurt out my number. Even though this is my blog and one point of having a blog is to enable complete honesty, i do have a minor amount of tact left.

Then i thought, what if it were a meme? How's about this for a blog meme: Visitors try to guess the blogger's number and if anyone guesses correctly within a reasonable time, say before midnight, the blogger has to post a picture of her ass.

Part of me asks: is this a good idea? Another part of me says, what the hell, i'm curious what y'all think of me. And what i lack in tact, i can always make up in tackiness.

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May 19, 2004

There's That Mysterious Zipper Pull Again!

Really, what the heck does it mean?


Remember the last time we saw it?


Humility Update: i continue to be perplexed by the blogosphere's lack of response to my own brilliant, satirical photoshopping efforts, which in my humble opinion are consistently freakin' hilarious. Many thanks to Rick and Kevin for the comments. Otherwise i'd be wondering if my site was down today.

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May 06, 2004

They Saved Rasputin's Cock?

Yes they did. And this Ananova story informs us that a prostate professor is "particularly proud of the pickled penis."

Well, who wouldn't be proud of a penis that gives rise to inflated comments like the following:

"Napoleon's penis is but a small pod - it cannot stand comparison to our organ of 30 centimetres."

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April 18, 2004

"U need a good ********, I need a good **** and as well as your **** I would like to give u a good ******* as well."

Don't we all?

That's a text-sex quote from David Beckham, star of the kick-ball team Real Madrid. i'm not a big kick-ball fan, but i am curious as to how Beck can accomplish those things without using his hands.

Beck is a Sinatra fan too, i see. He also cracks on Singaporean men, how rude.

Alerted to this bit of naughtiness by Breanagh McTavish.

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February 09, 2004

The Clinton Effect

Two Houston middle school students caught in flagrante delicto.

There were five students total in the classroom at the time. They were in a class that was supposed to be under constant adult supervision, but when the teacher left, two of those students allegedly started doing something that has no place inside a school.

. . .

When an adult finally came back, two kids were allegedly having oral sex.

. . .

'They should punish, whatever they need to do, as far as the person that's involved in the situation,' said parent Patricia Western. 'That's outrageÂ… Very outraged that it would take place in a school.'

You know, really, what's the big deal? As long as they're doing their homework, it's really nobody's business, right?

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February 02, 2004

Proof That These Stupid Quizillas Are Unscientific

She does wear her hair like me, though.

Innocent
Innocent


What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

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February 01, 2004

Another Nipple Related Post

This appears to be the week for me to blog about nipples, seen or unseen.

Kevin's Wizbang is the place to go for pictures of Janet Jackson's boob and what i now know is a "nipple shield," not a pastie or a piece of tape as some have suggested. That's fucking sick. And i say that as someone with a pierced tongue. Anybody who thought that Janet might be the only normal one in that family . . . think again.

Oh, by the way, i was named Wizbang's Blog of the Day. Thanks Kevin! (Let me know if that PayPal bribe didn't go through.)

And, in reference to my previous nipple related post, where Brant commented that he thought Brittany's nips were lower than normal due to a botched implant job, lookie here. Kin, posting at Jen's has the photographic proof, not only of the American Skankwoman's augmentation, but also of the below the equator orientation of her little nippies. Good work Kin!

Update: Ginger opines on Nip Slippage.

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January 28, 2004

No Jokes About How Deep That Play Was

For a spicy theatrical experience, come to Chile!

Update: Newman links to another Chile related story:

Men and women, most of them in their 20s, poured onto a cordoned-off street in central Santiago, ChileÂ’s capital, to smooch for at least 10 seconds in a bid to set a world record for the largest number of people kissing simultaneously.

. . .

With more than 4,400 kissing couples, the Chileans easily eclipsed the current Guinness World Records mark set in February 2000 in Sarnia, Ontario, Canada, when 1,588 pairs locked lips.

Something weird's been going on in Chile. They're starting to go wild down there.
Chile, one of Latin AmericaÂ’s most socially conservative nations, began showing a more exhibitionist bent last year when over 3,000 people turned up on the same street to be photographed naked on a cold winter morning.
Maybe it's a side effect of being upside down for so long.

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