Annika's Journal Farewell Tour: Part XII, American Skankwomen Rubric Bequest
Many of you enjoyed the rubric "American Skankwomen," which was originally designed to poke fun at Brittany, then morphed into an anti-Lindsay Logan category.
When Annika's Journal is gone, do not despair. Let me recommend that you subscribe to Michael Buckley's videoblog, What The Buck? He is brilliant!
Watch Michael crack on Brittany, Paris and Lindsay.
"The gays can rejoice in their new Liza." LOL, that is too funny.
1
A,
I'm hoping that your final post will include a huge picture of you with "BEEN REAL!" stenciled across your midriff.
Annika's Journal
kisses male readers goodbye
...guess it's back to porn
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Kim at May 19, 2007 10:05 PM (1PcL3)
2
Hey Annika -
Thanks for doing this, I loved it all:
history, politics, poetry, MNF, television, movies, books, comics, stories...even Victor!
I have been coming here for so long (daily since mid 2003), that I'll probably keep doing so for a about a month after you're gone...
Good luck in your new career.
thanks again
j
Posted by: jimi at May 20, 2007 04:30 AM (0r5qc)
3
The Internet's loss is the Law's gain.
Welcome to the Bar of California.
Now go out and ace the exam. We are all rooting for you.
Posted by: shelly at May 20, 2007 05:42 PM (JQe3J)
Another One
Among the requirements for admission into the Skankwomen sorority is an inability to learn simple lessons from personal experience, most specifically evidenced by poor driving judgment.
to wit:
Nicole Richie, with a previous DUI on her record, not to mention a heroin bust, decides to smoke weed, pop vicodin, then get in her SUV and drive the wrong way on an L.A. freeway. Luckily, nobody got killed as a result of that brain fart.
Not to be outdone, Nicole's pal Mischa Barton, whose sister just went into rehab, and whose OC character got killed in a car crash, borrows Nicole Richie's car, slams into another car in a parking lot, then a few days later gets photographed smoking a j while driving her own car.
Congratulations, Mischa, you're in the club. Hopefully you won't kill anyone either. Not that you care, you stupid skank.
P.S. In unrelated Brittany news, it's impossible to pick a favorite in Stereogum's photoshop contest, but #11 is up there.
Brittany Headed For The BottomBrittany is disintegrating in public view. It is very sad. Odds are even that she won't make it to 30. If she does, it will be as some other unrecognizable creature, in the way that ultra-celebrity transformed Howard Hughes and Michael Jackson. Some say she's "crying for help." Unfortunately, the only hope for her would be if everyone completely ignored her from now on. I think this post proves that that is not going to happen.
1
I knew this was too juicy for you to ignore. I'd like to go on record as predicting her demise. It will end in a trailer park in Hemet, CA. Legal guru Howard Stern will be at her bedside.
Posted by: Casca at February 17, 2007 07:12 PM (2gORp)
2
She's already at the bottom; now she's starting to dig...
Posted by: shelly at February 18, 2007 08:29 AM (SLFj+)
3
Britney is DA MAN!
How'd that line go?
Oh, yeah--
"I just wanna slap yer bald head and lick it!"
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 18, 2007 11:00 AM (1PcL3)
4
Annika,
This is pretty hard to watch. She clearly has some serious problems and nobody around her that is able to direct her toward some help. Maybe by shaving her head she is getting closer to a state of mind where she will fail to recognized herself and ask why.
This is a moment when it would be humane if the media would ignore her. People stop all the time to get some mangey dog out of traffic what's the problem here? Dog got too much money?
Posted by: strawman at February 18, 2007 11:22 AM (9ySL4)
5
I agree that it's sad. I just keep hoping that someone she can respect will step in and give her some insight, direction, and support so she can get herself into a better state of mind and take care of her mom duties.
Posted by: Joules at February 18, 2007 05:00 PM (u4CYb)
6
Yeah, and this time she should let ALL of her hair grow back.
Posted by: shelly at February 18, 2007 06:59 PM (SLFj+)
7
Almost makes me want to watch WWF instead of read the news. One day I was wondering, "Why is Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband involved in Anna Nicole's death?" Once I found out the answer, I wished I hadn't asked. I intentionally didn't click on your link, but I assume it has to do with Britney shaving her head and getting tattoos. If this keeps up, Kevin Federline will get custody, no contest. I remember a couple of years ago when you had an "American Skankwoman" category. Things have progressed far beyond that...
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at February 18, 2007 09:40 PM (P8ktI)
8
Consumers of pop culture hit rock bottom
THE transformation of John Q. Public from music fan into freak with no life gathered pace this week as pop icon Britney Spears made headlines for the simple act of shaving her head.
Spears, 25, was the most searched-for topic at Technorati.com, a search engine for weblogs, indicating that many net-users shared Public's obsession.
There are increasing fears that Public and others like him are wasting hours of their lives in pondering the implications of Spears's choice of coiffure, and other, similarly insignificant events in the lives of celebrities.
Friends of Public originally took comfort by blaming mainstream media for his unusual degree of interest in the issue. He was first alerted to Spears's new haircut by his local television station, and subsequently used Google News Alerts to supply himself with a steady stream of reportage and punditry about the affair. But since then he has found ways to proactively waste his time through his own efforts, such as musing on his blog about the possibility of shaving his own head "out of solidarity with Britney".
Regular readers of the blog are not yet certain whether the comment is sincere, or only intended ironically.
"The first step to regaining a sense of perspective comes when the pose of victimhood is put aside", said Dr Souljah Nitsyn, president of the Making A Mountain Back Into A Molehill Foundation. "If only there were evil media somewhere, talking about trivia as if it were important, and it were necessary only to change the channel and never tune in to them again. But the line dividing common sense and unhealthy obsession cuts through the heart of every weblog. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own weblog?"
Spears herself could not be reached for comment.
Posted by: mitchell porter at February 18, 2007 11:45 PM (8pdZD)
9
Isn't shaving all your body hair standard when receiving treatment for crabs? LOL
Posted by: BobG at February 19, 2007 10:12 AM (pqIcU)
10
You know Bob, that's what I was thinking. She's trying to get rid of the last traces of the Kevster. Sadly, since she spent fifteen minutes crying in her SUV, after a tumultuous argument with her mother, it's pretty clear that she's stuck somewhere in adolescent rebellion, very sad. She doesn't appear to be equipped to pull out of the emotional nosedive. Why aren't there analysts chasing after a fee like lawyers? Where is Dr. Handy when you need him?
Posted by: Casca at February 19, 2007 11:02 AM (2gORp)
11
For once, I agree with Strawman: If only the entertainment media would stop publicizing ever little bit of what Brittany does...
But, getting them to do a humane act is like converting a dog to vegetarianism: It's against their basic nature.
I forgot where I read this, but in referene to the Grammys, or some recent MTV event, some columnist said "Whodathunk we'd see the day when Christina Aguilera would look better, more classy, and less skanky than Brittany Spears?".
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at February 19, 2007 11:36 AM (xHyDY)
12
On a funnier note:
Ooops she did it again.
She proved that she's dumb.
She's not that smar-ar-ar-ar-art.
Posted by: Casca at February 19, 2007 05:40 PM (2gORp)
13"She's trying to get rid of the last traces of the Kevster."
True, but she didn't count on my ability to ejaculate Velcro-tipped sperm.
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 20, 2007 06:01 AM (1PcL3)
14
Kevin... ummm: EWWWW!!!
Bad enough you talk about ejaculation, worse that you say it was Brittany involved, but the story is that she shaved her head man.
Just what were you aiming at?
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at February 20, 2007 07:16 AM (xHyDY)
15
Poor girl, you've driven her to rehab.
She checked in yesterday to Malibu retreat, the flavor de jour of the shaved private parts flashers club.
That means you are supposed to leave her alone now, right?
So, who's got the kids? Maybe Paris and Nicole?
Posted by: shelly at February 21, 2007 03:22 AM (SLFj+)
16
Now THAT would be a fucking hilarious show. Who's Got Britney's Kids? It could be a different set of fuckups each week. Can you imagine the week Howard Stern gets to watch them in the Bahamas?
Finally the truth is out. She shaved her head to dodge the drug test. Kinda makes sense.
Posted by: Casca at February 21, 2007 07:52 AM (Y7t14)
LINDSAY'S APPENDIX DIAGNOSED FROM PAPARAZZI PHOTO ANALYSIS — EXPERTS SAY BRITTANY OKAY
CENTURY CITY, CA — Sources close to mega-pop star Lindsay Logan have confirmed that her emergency appendectomy was the result of a little known experimental procedure called "toxicological remote analysis of medical photography."
The new technique uses super-high magnification of ordinary photographs to enable early diagnosis of many life threatening ailments, according to doctors at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.
"By analyzing any external snapshot under extreme magnification one can often see inside the patient's body," explained Dr. Valderramma, a pioneer in the new technique. "It all depends of course, on the particular orifice present on the photographic film."
Dr. Valderramma, an otorhinolaryngologist, often uses toxicological remote analysis of medical photography to screen his own patients for tonsillectomies.
"The technique is most useful for diagnosing tonsillitis, since photographs showing a patient's mouth are commonly available," said Valderramma. Evidently, it was only a matter of time before someone applied the same method to check for disorders of the lower torso, such as appendicitis.
"Nowadays anyone can easily obtain photographs of a young lady's cootch on the internet," explained Dr. Valderramma. "So in a way, Ms. Lohan is quite lucky that someone performed the analysis on one of her paparazzi photos. Her own skankiness may have saved her life."
"It's just another example of the wonders of modern science," the doctor added with a wide grin.
Posted by: shelly at January 07, 2007 05:47 AM (SLFj+)
2
I still wanna know who this Lindsay Logan person is.
Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 07, 2007 04:26 PM (9NmRp)
3
Well, not too long ago she was an adorable little red-headed, freckle-faced girl who starred in the remake of "The Parent Trap" in the late 90's but somewhere along the way she traded in that image for her current one. It's actually Lindsay Lohan if you're looking for her on the web.
Posted by: Joules at January 07, 2007 10:34 PM (u4CYb)
4
I motion for a new skank to obsess over. Anyone second this?
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at January 08, 2007 08:54 AM (xHyDY)
5
Poor Britney. She just can't get anyone to pay attention to her anymore.
Posted by: Mark at January 08, 2007 11:34 AM (krump)
6
I was thinking this weekend that Kellie Pickler may have the potential to out-white-trash the Queen of White Trash -- Britney herself. But she could prove to be a great disappointment; those country gals tend to keep it more on the DL.
Posted by: Matt at January 08, 2007 11:56 AM (10G2T)
7
Heh, Britney, Queen of White Trash... and she used to be such a cute little schoolgirl... wearing plaid... in stockings... (*drool*)...
And then she went all trailer park on us going after the second creepiest ersatz celebrity on the planet... eeeeeechhh... and all the desire evaporated. Just how good can her judgement be?
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at January 08, 2007 02:44 PM (xHyDY)
8
Well, thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I've now seen graphic photos of Brittany Spears', Paris Hilton's and Lindsay Lohan's shaved coochies up close and personal; what the Hell is left for me to do in life?
What is in these airheads' minds that they need to cement themselves to car seats???
Posted by: shelly at January 09, 2007 02:22 AM (SLFj+)
Lindsay Logan At Scores
More wisdom from the brain of Lindsay Logan:
I mean we're talkin' like, upper and inner thigh action -bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark. I mean really though, really, I didn't know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body.
1
If I was her manager, I would tell her to keep her panties on and her mouth shut.
Posted by: Jake at December 29, 2006 05:55 PM (V6rxT)
2
Easy there Jake, dumb sluts have their place in the universe too, particularly at closing time.
Posted by: Casca at December 29, 2006 06:20 PM (2gORp)
3
Oh, what, did Ms. Logan (*snicker*) lose control of a particularly active vibrator or something??? I mean ouch! Inner thigh bruises? What the hell, that's more than just the work of a few D cells there, don't'cha know. Car battery, minimum.
VvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Posted by: elmondohummus at December 29, 2006 09:25 PM (BjOjj)
4
Okay, I finally clicked the link (Oh, c'mon!! Not RTFA'ing is a time-honored habit on the web!). In a way, I'm disappointed. Nothing says cliched, " The (former) Drunken Party Ho" like amateur poledancing at a "Gentlemen's" club. Can't she at least try to be innovative in her party ho-ness?
And dammit, if she's gonna be sashayin' around the brass pole, she'd better be two sheets and a bottle of Jack to the wind, and f*** that sobriety s***. Otherwise, she won't be relaxed enough to do it right. Nobody is relaxed enough to do it right unless they're two sips away from being fully honked. I have it on good authority that the professional poledancing rule is "slicker when liquored", and not even the skankiest ho - or best dancer, regardless of ho-ness - can be slinkey enough for the brass pole w/o a liberal application of liquid muscle-relaxant.
Cas, back me up here: you can always tell the sober dancers on stage from the, er... slicker ones. Right???
Posted by: elmondohummus at December 29, 2006 09:44 PM (BjOjj)
5
wow, mondo, you are a font of knowledge.
i think Lindsay is mediocre in just about everything she tries, acting, singing, even being a skank.
Posted by: annika at December 29, 2006 11:58 PM (1EshY)
6
I'll have to think about that. I've never been a fan of pole dancing, unless it's my pole. They tend to put that thing at the back of the stage, and I like a closeup view.
I think LL was right in the first place when she said they were all "whores". I do believe that is their business; i.e. getting as much money as they can while giving as little away as possible. Kind of like... well I won't go there.
Posted by: Casca at December 30, 2006 12:12 AM (2gORp)
7
Again with the "Lindsay Logan"? Annie, are you drunk?!
Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 30, 2006 12:43 AM (ThlbL)
8
Well, you know, that's... uhhh... ummmm... errr... What I've been told. Yeeeaah! That's right! What people have told me!
Not like I have any personal experience whatsoever on this topic ...
Posted by: elmondohummus at December 30, 2006 08:07 AM (BjOjj)
9
Spork, I think Anni's just trying to avoid the search engine hits from using LL's proper name. And getting all those love letters from buck-toothed, lonely, trailer-park loser hill-jacks (e.g. Bubba a.k.a "Lorenzo") thinking she's really LL herself, as well as as all those "love" letters from LL's fans commenting on her view of said (formerly) Drunken Party Ho. She's complained about the problem before. Hell, I think I'd do the same if I kept getting email & posts from the bubblegum and hormones set.
Posted by: elmondohummus at December 30, 2006 08:18 AM (BjOjj)
10
"bubblegum and hormones set", you're starting to sound like Shelly. Speaking of whom, I have not been receiving my daily dozen emails from him. Has anyone checked to see if he's still fogging a mirror? More likely, he's laying low in preparation for his Trojan ass fucking by the Wolverines on Monday.
BTW Anni, congrats on creaming the aggies. They don't make as much noise after they've been beat.
Posted by: Casca at December 30, 2006 11:31 AM (2gORp)
11
I don't know Annika, I think she's got the skank thing mastered.
Posted by: Mike C. at December 31, 2006 06:48 AM (0Co69)
12
Sorry to disappoint, Cas, but I got away to the desert for 10 days R & R, and had to slow down the volume. The laptop is too small and it takes too long to use it.
I wish I had the confidence in this game, tomorrow, but there are two USC teams here. I'm just not sure if the one that kicked the whoopie out of Notre Dame is going to show up, or the pussies who lost to UCLA will be there.
If the real USC team shows up, it should be a good one; if not, it'll be an asskicking, and USC will have the proverbial one leg...
Posted by: shelly at January 01, 2007 04:31 AM (SLFj+)
13
OK, folks, all is right with the world tonight.
USC showed why they will be ranked Number One again next season, but we'll have to wait another year until we can test against The Big Red Nutmegs.
Casca reports that that the OSU blogs contain one that said "Who told USC that they could slap around our bitch?"
Now, that is funny...except if you bleed blue.
Posted by: shelly at January 01, 2007 08:46 PM (SLFj+)
She left a small town in Kentucky, and she was telling me that she got caught up in the whirlwind of New York . . . It's a story that has happened many times before to many women and to many men who came to the Big Apple. They wanted their slice of the Big Apple, and they found out it wasn't so easy.
Sounds like something Steve Perry once sang:
Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin anywhere
Or (long as we're quoting SF bands), as the great Rob Weir once sang:
What in the world ever became of sweet Jane?
She lost her sparkle, you know she isn't the same
Living on reds, vitamin C and cocaine
all a friend can say is ain't it a shame . . .
Lindsay Logan Email Of The Year
I just received the best Lindsay Logan email of the year, from Italy.
Hi lindsay my name is Lorenzo, I'm a italian boy and i think you it's a very beatiful girl and one very talent girl.
You don't know me and i think don't interessed but, i think you all day and speack with you is my dream. You are my dream. Scuse me for my english, i don't speack good but my word it's very important for me, you are my angel and for me you are a very good girl.
I are one boy with one dream and this, are you.
I don't rich and i don't interessed money but my dream is see your eyes.
One kiss by one boy
Lorenzo
How romantic. That's something about Italians, I tell you they must be born with it. Too bad he's wasting that talent on a skank like Lindsay Logan.
Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 13, 2006 12:03 PM (0Co69)
3
yes there is something about Italians, it's called Garlic breath. Also, they rank in the personal hygiene dept only slightly above the French.
They are in general a good looking people I will grant you that. The women, especially in Northern Italy can be great beauties. But they tend to gain about 100+ Kg after the age of 30.
Posted by: kyle8 at December 13, 2006 05:32 PM (is6l9)
4
Wait, wait, wait... how do we know that:
1. The mail is genuinely from Italy, and
2. The emailer is genuinely Italian?
Anyone remember the end of Aerosmith's Sweet Emotion video? Where the "sexy" operator was a babuska-shaped ugly wearing a mumu and holding a brat? Without knowing otherwise, this "Lorenzo" might be some snaggletooth inbred hilljack who's one talent is sending email. I'd take this with a grain of salt if I were you, Anni.
Besides, he's tryin' to romance the drunken party ho. How good can his judgement be?
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 14, 2006 08:53 AM (xHyDY)
5
"he's tryin' to romance the drunken party ho. How good can his judgement be?"
Ask Casca.
Posted by: annika at December 14, 2006 11:34 AM (3VCWB)
6
I'd have to rate Lorenzo's judgment high, since he's not trying to get into the pants of a nun, or professional virgin. Yes the drunken party ho is the high percentage target.
Posted by: Casca at December 14, 2006 01:07 PM (Y7t14)
7
Probably should've capitalized, so as to draw a distinction between run-of-the-mill drunken party ho's (hoes? hos?) and The Drunken Party Ho.
You see, Casca's right: The standard issue run-of-the-mill drunken party ho is a very high percentage target, therefore a very high percentage... ummmm... payoff (*ahem*).
But The Drunken Party Ho, aka Lindsay Logan (*snicker*)... I say, the high probability of success does not necessarily lead to desireable gain. After all, what's more high maintenance than the platinum edition, Hollywood issue, The Drunken Party Ho? As well as flighty and potentially annoying, not to mention likely to leave for either the next perfect, chisled, 6-packed-abs, mellifluous voiced actor, or the next leather wearing, dark haired, pale complexioned, emotional-outlook-perpetually-tragic singer who accidentally stumbles down the Block-of-Fleeting-Fame? Let's get real: I don't change my car's oil as much as some of these folks change their beaus. Hell, I probably don't change my socks as often.
Casca's right in general, but in this specific case, I stand by my analysis of Bubba, aka "Lorenzo". Sure, good judgement if it were standard drunken party ho's in question, but he's going after The Drunken Party Ho. Bad judgement, I say. Plus, weak kneed romantics mistake his prose for italian accented broken english, when in reality it's the sad result of a no-higher-than-3rd-grade education at a one room cardboard shack deep in the heart of Kan-tuh-kee. Indulge in the fantasy if you must, but just remember someplace in the back of your romantic imaginations that somewhere, there's an inbred hilljack drooling on the keyboard of his 486 imagining Lindsay Logan being his trailer wife.
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 14, 2006 08:27 PM (dNphw)
8
Shit El, I imagine that there are several, and what's all this stuff dissin' the trailor park homies? Tweakers need love too.
Actually, you have Rex Grossman Syndrome. Just put the fucking ball where it goes, and stop thinking about all of the variations, and ramifications. You'll be happier.
Posted by: Casca at December 15, 2006 07:22 AM (Y7t14)
What The Huh?
Selected quotes from Lindsay Logan's most recent e-mail missive:
"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me."
"If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."
"Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character."
"our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."
"It's my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all. But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my opinion. I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be."
"[I'm at] such a young and tender age in a woman's life. It's enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change."
If you wanna make the world a bet-ter place, take a look at your-self and make that...
...change.
oooh... oooh... nanana na na na na na na...
Sorry.
Back to Lindsay's email. Memo to Lindsay: nobody gives a fuck. Except me of course, because I need a new skankwoman to post about, and you're as good as any.
Posted by: DBrooks at December 07, 2006 03:17 PM (sF8bT)
5
Gosh, it sounds like she is being coached by Barbara Streisand!
Posted by: beth at December 07, 2006 05:00 PM (1OgDG)
6
You know, it just sunk in: "Al Gore will help me"?
Da heck?? LL's invoking Al Gore as a deity now? SARCASM TIME!!!!
Gore is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Gore blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see Gore.
Fear Gore and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For Gore will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.
For Gore who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts and in our movie theaters to give us the light of knowledge of the glory of Gore in the face of An Inconvenient Truth.
Thou shalt have no other Gores before Gore.
Thou shalt not take Gore's name in vain.
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 07, 2006 06:28 PM (xHyDY)
7
Wow... got my year's worth of blasphemy in on one post. Time for this catholic to go to confession...
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 07, 2006 06:30 PM (xHyDY)
8
"Thou shalt have no other Gores before Gore."
Man, if i was still doing Huge Comment of the Week, that would win!
Posted by: annika at December 07, 2006 06:46 PM (oantJ)
9
Forget it; I've heard your confession; say ten Hail Marys and perform an act of contrition, and you are absolved.
Posted by: shelly at December 07, 2006 09:42 PM (YadGF)
10
comparing crotch shots, The Brittany crotch was pretty good, I had to avoid looking directly at the diseased twat of the Paris entity, But Lindsys crotch had a sort of twisted up crumpled look to it, like worn old rethread tire with some of the steel belts poking through.
Posted by: kyle8 at December 08, 2006 04:19 AM (JMNW6)
11
I have to agree with you kyle. It had the look of a road well travelled.
Shelly, I never took you for a pedophile?
Anni, speaking of HCOTW, I notice one name glaringly absent from the Laureates list. WTF gurlfren?
Posted by: Casca at December 08, 2006 07:42 AM (Y7t14)
12
I still think Gore's going to be busy for the next couple of years. This of course means that Lindsay's about three weeks away from appearing in the next Screech video offering.
Oddly, I don't think that she'll mind the Fish Eye or Dirty Sanchez all that much. There's a lot to be said for the heavily medicated.
Be adequite! That's the only way Robert Altman will ever be proud of you.
Posted by: skippystalin at December 08, 2006 08:51 AM (OzEoC)
13
Okay, I'm a prick, but isn't she 20 years old? When she's drinking in those upscale clubs why don't the police arrest her and the club owner? Forget her, she's an idiot, but the bartenders and owners know she's underage. I hate this shit because it makes it seem like they are above the law. No wonder we have problems.
Posted by: Larry at December 08, 2006 09:06 AM (hRx9a)
14
I confessed to Shelly? Damn, I must've been really drunk that night...
You know, I actually don't harbor any hate towards the Brit or LL (BTW: 3 times I've looked at this post, and I just now noticed that LL's name is misspelled in the main post: Logan? Anyhoo...). With the Brit settling down to be a mom, and LL taking a couple of real roles, I was hoping there was a sort of maturation there that would lead them to actually be respectible artists. Sure, didn't think either one of them was in danger of actually becoming deep or profound, let alone winning any Oscars or Nobels or anything, but I was thinking maybe they were making moves towards not being inane and vapid.
Nope. Not so. Reality killed the charitable view. We're seeing nothing more than a spectacle of party ho's. That's all.
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 08, 2006 09:14 AM (hbe/i)
Posted by: Casca at December 08, 2006 11:05 AM (Y7t14)
16
Sorry Casca, I don't know if you remember about 6 months ago, my sidebar was totally demolished. I made the mistake of trying to rebuild the blog from my cell phone and my template got fried. So I had to use an old version of the template, which didn't have your name on the HCOTW section. I still haven't gotten around to fixing it yet.
Posted by: annika at December 08, 2006 01:02 PM (zAOEU)
17
Why not bring back the HCOTW?
I agree your Gore-ism should have won if you were still doing it. That was good shit.
Casca had a good one last week. Can't remember it exactly but it concerned the fact that some dude's posts sucked pretty much all the time. Pretty fucking funny.
Posted by: blu at December 08, 2006 06:32 PM (swnTx)
18
Actually I should revoke Casca's for harshing on my awesome co-blogger!
Posted by: annika at December 08, 2006 07:29 PM (oantJ)
19
Yes you should anni. Sometimes I'm just an unspeakably cruel motherfucker. Ask Moxie. Then again, those who are full of themselves walk through this world with a huge bullseye painted on their chest.
Blu, I love you too.
Posted by: Casca at December 09, 2006 02:15 PM (2gORp)
IAPNYC: I apologize for this question, but I ask everyone: the Britney or the Christina?
THE MANOLO: The Christina. There is for the Manolo no of the contest. The Christina, she is the beautiful lost waif, one who has, like the Violetta in the La Traviata fallen into the whoredom. For the Britney, this it was the sideways move.
And that, I believe, will be (and should be!) the final mention of the American Skankwoman on a's j.
1
LMAO, "fallen into whoredom", that is how so many of us get there.
The subject is SO... '90s! The question is... The Fergie, or The Shakira, or The Emma Bunton? I'll be busy thinking about that all day.
Posted by: Casca at November 29, 2006 07:28 AM (Y7t14)
2
I'm not sure I like the way The Manolo says "the whoredom" like it's a bad thing. (Of course it would be, with respect to my mother, wife and daughters.)
Posted by: Matt at November 29, 2006 02:36 PM (10G2T)
3
Emma Bunton just released her version of Petula's "Downtown" doncha know!
Posted by: annika at November 29, 2006 08:50 PM (oantJ)
4
Close your eyes and it's Aguilera all the way. The sad thing is that I saw a clip of Spears singing as a child, and it turns out that she actually CAN sing - she just CHOOSES to warble or whatever she does.
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at December 01, 2006 11:48 PM (/TGZb)
A Major Announcement From Annika's Journal
The major announcement is this: I don't wanna do any more Brittany Spears posts. After her latest stunt, it's just not funny anymore.
One of my new year's resolutions for 2005, which I managed to keep, was not to blog about Paris Hilton. Now I think it's time to stop blogging about Brittany.
It's obvious she wants to enter the public consciousness again after her marriage hiatus. So she somehow got the brilliant idea that she should hang out with Paris Hilton, and copy the queen of skank's habits. Foremost among those habits is Paris's occasional tendency to show off her twat for the camera.
But the planned crotch flash just isn't consistent with that simple image. It signals that Brittany plans to take her persona in a different direction, post K-Fed — into the realm of super-skankdom.
If I were advising Brittany, I'd say she is going in exactly the opposite direction she needs to go in order to rehabilitate her career. Even Paris knows that; witness the way she tried to close Brittany's legs in the picture above.
Publicity is publicity, negative or otherwise. Paris knows that too. But if Brittany really wants to be taken seriously, she should really take a look at how Christina Aguilera has managed her career. There's a girl who has found the happy medium between skankiness and musical talent.
Okay, maybe that's a little too ambitious for Brittany. No amount of vocal coaching would get her within one tenth of Christina's voice. But all I'm saying is, if you're going to be famous, at least be famous for something — not like Paris, who's famous only for being famous.
So if Brittany is just going to be a Paris Hilton clone, I'm not going to abet her anymore. It would only make me feel skanky by association.
1
It's the end of a skanky era. I hope Paris gets a few days off probation for good behavior.
Posted by: d-rod at November 29, 2006 12:00 AM (ATPlK)
2
Personally, I think she was just too wasted to know what she was doing, which is still way up there on the skank scale!
Posted by: Brad at November 29, 2006 02:39 AM (9ADYb)
3
All these ho bags want to do the super-slut thing because they think that is how Madonna made it to superstar status. And while that is true to an extent, Madonna, I have to admit, had something none of these imitators have, talent. She made some good songs and had a voice that while not great, was at least not whiney like a lot of female vocalists.
My favorite females now are Shakira,(but her stuf is either real good or real bad, no inbetween) and I like the new stuff Mariah Carey has (hate her old stuff)
Paris Hilton is actually so but ugly I could neither achieve nor sustain an erection even if the lights were off.
Posted by: kyle8 at November 29, 2006 04:13 AM (3QxNM)
4
It is time to open the Lindsay Lohan department in the Annika Media Empire.
Posted by: Jake at November 29, 2006 08:39 AM (V6rxT)
5
"Paris Hilton is actually so but ugly I could neither achieve nor sustain an erection even if the lights were off."
Sorry to hear that Kyle. Obviously it's true what they say about you brokeback longhorns. They make pills that can help if you ever want to fake it. BTW, I'm not a spelling maven, but it's butt-ugly, and being an ass man, I've never understood the deprecatory nature of the appelation.
Posted by: Casca at November 29, 2006 09:19 AM (Y7t14)
6
One thing about Christina: Anyone else remember a year or two ago when she wanted to be called X-tina and she dressed in such a way she wouldn't be able to get work in a Las Vegas ranch because she looked too slutty?
Somewhere, someone smacked her upside the head and told her it wouldn't work. Since then, she's tried to go for the 40's-50's era glamour goddess look, and for some bizarre reason, it seems to work on her. Plus, she really has a voice and doesn't need massive electronics to make her sound like a polished singer.
I have no such hope for Britney.
Posted by: Victor at November 29, 2006 07:10 PM (l+W8Z)
7
gees...stop calling her brittany for fuck sakes l.o.l
well...it seems that brittay is going down down down
Posted by: lux at December 08, 2006 12:07 PM (L7rSK)
Brittany Dumped K-Fed By Text Message
Just heard about this:
A video of Britney Spears' soon-to-be ex-husband apparently getting a text message informing him that the pop princess had filed for divorce became the most viewed item on the YouTube Internet site on Thursday, with more than 1 million hits.
The Web video shows Federline taping a reality television show and talking about Spears being his biggest fan -- until he gets a text message. Then he puts his head in his hands, rips off his microphone and disappears, returning 30 minutes later visibly upset.
Posted by: Casca at November 11, 2006 07:43 AM (2gORp)
3
Actually it's Canadian television, sooooo I guess their next.
Posted by: TBinSTL at November 11, 2006 12:35 PM (MSiPb)
4
Once more we see that women are inherently cold and evil. They seek out vulnerable men for the express purpose of dragging them out into public and humiliating them.
That's the thanks we get for letting them vote!
Posted by: TBinSTL at November 12, 2006 12:59 AM (MSiPb)
5
I normally don't comment on post of this type, but I could help but see this as true 'reality' TV.
Posted by: will at November 12, 2006 05:15 AM (h7Ciu)
6
I found myself laughing my --- off watching this. Ain't technology wonderful?
Posted by: Mike C. at November 12, 2006 07:24 PM (Eodj2)
7
Artists play different parts not only in their professional lives, but in their private lives, too. Tears and running away won't make him the great star he wants to be. Anyway, their relationship won't last long.
Britney Spears has filed a petition for divorce from Kevin Federline.
TMZ obtained the legal papers, filed today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing "irreconcilable differences." In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple's two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.
As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support.
She keeps the house, and the cars, and the clothes, and the boat, and the horses, and the jewelry, and the dogs. He gets to keep the bong.
She's also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney's fees.
Spears gives the date of separation as yesterday, the same day she flaunted her incredible revamped physique during a surprise appearance on David Letterman's show. Sources tell TMZ there was no single reason for Britney pulling the plug, rather, it was "a string of events."
Spears has hired powerhouse celebrity divorce lawyer Laura Wasser, who has repped a number of celebs, including Angelina Jolie, Nick Lachey and Kiefer Sutherland.
I can't remember who had this month in the divorce pool.
Posted by: Casca at November 07, 2006 05:37 PM (2gORp)
3
Good point, Casca. Now that K-Fed's no longer a kept man, he's going to be looking for a way to make a few bucks. Selling off the homemade porn could keep him in weed for a few years.
Posted by: Matt at November 08, 2006 07:34 AM (10G2T)
Kooky Firecrotch Fan Mail Of The Week
Yes, people keep sending them to me. Usually people ask me for her e-mail and normally I send back a curt response. But this one was unusual because somehow the dude thinks I'm her. How insulting is that?
Here it is, verbatim:
hi lindsay lohan
i'am your biggest fan and because i love all your movies you stared in and one more i want you to go out with me sometime if you want to and please write back biggest sweetheart
I should write him back:
dear freako,
you are a sick stalker, and probably very dangerous and meen. do not come near my house.
instead, i'll mete you behind Jerry's Deli 2nite at midnite. Bring some rubers and weed
1
In other news, ElMondoHummus yawns and gets out the words "Who gives a f..." before getting mobbed by a crowd of angry teenagers dressed in schoolgirl outfits screaming "BRITNEY'S MY HERO!!" and "I (heart) BRITNEY SPEARS FEDERLINE!!".
Rescue workers tried valiently to extract Mr. Hummus from the mound of CD's, posters, barbie dolls and bubble gum, but were unsuccessful.
Reactions from the street:
Beth, Bamapachyderm: "Britney, that f****n' ho!"
Shelly: "Al Davis, that f****n' ho!"
Casca: "So how do I get mobbed by teens in plaid skirts?"
Strawman: "About Bush and Iraq..."
Blu: "About that f****n' Strawman"
Casca: "SO HOW THE HELL DO ***I*** GET MOBBED BY TEENS IN PLAID SKIRTS??!!"
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at September 13, 2006 03:47 PM (xHyDY)
2
Pretty close, but I've moved beyond teens. I prefer thirty-somethings.
Posted by: Casca at September 13, 2006 04:07 PM (2gORp)
3
Hmmm... I know a couple of thirty-somethings, and a nearly thirtysomething I'd luuuuuv to see in a plaid skirt & white shirt. Mmmmm...
Yes, they're all female! No Scottish bagpipers in my fantasies! Get'cher minds outta the gutter!
Posted by: ElMondoHummus at September 13, 2006 04:51 PM (xHyDY)
4
annika, I was thinking the same thing. She's not giving that thang a snowballs chance of regaining any snap.
Posted by: Victor at September 13, 2006 04:52 PM (l+W8Z)
5
good stuff mondo!
casca: i don't believe u
victor: eeeew!
Posted by: annika at September 13, 2006 05:18 PM (qQD4Q)
Coolest Thing On The Internets Of The DayThis game is awesome. You play a bouncer, and your job is to pummel Kevin Federline into a bloody stump. Not surprisingly, it is a lot of fun. Don't forget to mix in a lot of body shots too.
A controversial sculpture of Britney Spears – naked, life-sized and crouching as she is giving birth on a bearskin rug – is due to go on display April 7 at Brooklyn's Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery as part of a pro-life exhibition.
"I admire her. This is an idealized figure," the Connecticut-based artist, Daniel Edwards, tells the Associated Press – also admitting that he's never met or even spoken to his 24-year-old subject.
"Everyone is coming at me with anger and venom, but I depicted her as she has depicted herself – seductively," says Edwards. "Suddenly, she's a mom."
"This is a new take on pro-life," said Edwards, whose life-size sculpture will appear at the gallery next to a display case filled with pro-life materials. "Pro-lifers normally promote bloody images of abortion. This is the image of birth." (Actually it seems more like an image of conception.)
The sculpture shows Brit naked and pregnant, crouching face-down on a bear rug as the baby's head appears at her opposite end.When some bloggers heard about the exhibit, the gallery received about 3,000 e-mails from around the world, split between pro-choice and pro-life opinions.
Sounds disturbing. Sometimes pop culture is just too fucking weird for me to even comment.
1
Anni,
Being in WIlliamsburg I guess I'll have to go and take a look. I haven't seen a baby come out of the opposite end in quite some time. I'll let you know if Brit's baby changes my attitude from pro-choice to no choice (as pro-life should be called). I am pro-choice but still very much in favor of all things living, but I draw the line at telling anybody what to do with things growing inside of their bodies be they cysts, tumors, abcesses, fetuses, or polyps.
Posted by: strawman at March 29, 2006 04:29 PM (0ZdtC)
2
That Britney sculpture is enough to make a person lose sleep though, isn't it?
Posted by: Axinar at March 29, 2006 04:57 PM (NTgqN)
3
ROFLMAO - I can't believe this guy [the "artist"] are for real -- who the F!CK wants to look at a sculpture of THAT?!
And something in me believes he chose Britney as a subject to cash in on her celebrity status.
Disturbing indeed.
Posted by: Amy Bo Bamy at March 29, 2006 05:01 PM (Wz2Gp)
Posted by: Amy Bo Bamy at March 29, 2006 05:02 PM (Wz2Gp)
5
If you go, take pictures and send them to me, Strawman. You can be annika's journal's exclusive reporter on the ground! Especially if you have to get on the ground for the best camera angle.
Posted by: annika at March 29, 2006 05:56 PM (fxTDF)
6
You see, its stuff like this that brings out the totalitarian dictator in me. Why do I feel the overwhelming compulsion to stick this Artist in a gaint cuisinart?
Posted by: Kyle N at March 30, 2006 03:44 AM (2+PQi)
7
this has gotta be a publicity stunt cooked up by britney's PR people
btw, i read somewhere she didn't even conceive vaginally, but was afraid of the pain and chose to have a non-necessary c-section
i too would love to see a "money shot" of this thing, if strawman can get a pic...
Posted by: keith el otro at March 30, 2006 01:02 PM (/MDEc)
8
Then I guess its a good thing that there are no gallerys or modern art museums down in the holler by Kyles trailer. And soon, when he's old enough to have sex outside the family he could take an art appreciation course over the Grange where he will lean about others like himself in history who wanted to take take a hammer to Michelangelo's David.
Notice how it is almost always Rebublicans that have trouble with sexually provocative art? They don't get it, want to ban it, find it offensive, don't want children to see it, want to kill the maker.
I saw a Discovery Channel documentary about the LAs Fallas festival which is a variety of a pre lent kinda thing. Without going into an in depth description of the whole event which is very beautiful and goes on for two weeks, I was struck by a mother and her 8-9 year old son walking through a museum of sculptures kept from previous festivals and explaining to him the symbolism contained in a scene of a streetwalker with her breast out suckling a sailor. It seemed perfectly natural but of course it was not America, where Kyle's mom would have shielded his eyes as they went past and been tounge tied, embarrassed and unable to explain in an age appropriate manner to her son the what was going on. So, now, go figure, Kyle as a semi-adult has fantasies of putting creators of provocative art in blenders. And people wonder why America is so violent, in love with guns and militarism.
Posted by: strawman at March 30, 2006 02:04 PM (0ZdtC)
9
How did I know that a leftist asshole like you would like this kind of stupid worthless shit?
Posted by: Kyle N at March 30, 2006 06:45 PM (CC59i)
10
Straw,
You must practice in the mirror to be so condescending. Let me guess, you're about twenty and know everything. We're so lucky you choose to share with us poor, humble rednecks. It must really suck, not to be you, right?
Because it's so easy, insulting people about whom you know nothing. Piss Christ, bring it on. Those Christians won't do jack. Mohammed cartoons, well we are respectful of minorities. Real reason: we don't want to insult anybody who might do something about it.
I suspect a lot of what you consider art, I consider trash. The subject of this post doesn't move me a bit - you might consider it art, I call it a waste of time. It might be different for you. I'm not going to tell you what to think, or feel. And I'm not going to generalize about democrats or liberals based on you. I am going to say that forcing people to pay taxes, like they did in NY, to subsidize the exhibition of the "piss Christ" is wrong. If the Britney statue is private, have at it. They won't be getting my money - I'd rather spend it on the theater.
Posted by: MarkD at March 31, 2006 06:12 AM (X9njN)
11
Heh, i may not know art... but who can naysay a comely woman's upturned ass?
Posted by: Casca at March 31, 2006 06:19 AM (y9m6I)
Posted by: Ethne at March 31, 2006 09:05 AM (miAG4)
13
Kyle,
Never said I liked it just that on first glance i didn't have homicidal fantasies. Could be good art could be bad art. I'll see. What an artist does is make art.
MARK,
All of our taxes go to support all kinds of stupid shit. The problems start when people like you or me think we should decide what it should or should not be spent on unless of course it is being spent on the destruction of churches, or Iraq. I think paying W a salary is contrary to the best interests of our society, an offense to my religion and a crime against humanity of an order that makes christ's piss wet feet about as offending as a rainy day in Phoenix.
Posted by: strawman at March 31, 2006 10:33 AM (0ZdtC)
A Great Disturbance In Paradise
Just when i was about to give up on boring old Brittany and start blogging about Lindsay full time, the rumors start up again.
Her mom is very clear about the fact that she doesn't think Kevin is right for Britney . . . And [she] even suggests that maybe she shouldn't have married him to begin with.
Ya think?!
So here we are, less than a year after the big wedding, and there's talk of a break-up.
Hard as that is to believe.
The marriage started off well. Brittany promising to pay for everything. Brittany buying Kevin a Ferrari. Brittany promising to help the child of Kevin's ex, whom he kicked to the curb when he found true love (and Brit's bank account). Kevin promising to help clean up after Bit-Bit more often. Brittany giving Kevin a hand-job in public. Ah, those were happy times.
Then came the thrilling news, after weeks of pointless denials that no one believed: Brittany was pregnant! And we all watched breathlessly as she went baby clothes shopping. We laughed adoringly while she "ate for two." We supported her, as i'm sure Kevin did, when she tried to quit smoking for the baby's sake. Then, when little SPF was born, like George Bailey we wept and prayed.
Wept and prayed.
i think i speak for all of us when i say i hoped things could have always stayed that perfect. After Brad and Jen, and Ben and Jen, and Renee and Ken, and Barbie and Ken, and Nick and Jess, and Paris², and Paris and Nicole, and ... i just don't know how many more celebrity break-ups i can take. But Kev and Brit, now that was one that was meant for the ages.
i mean, it was only two short weeks ago that we saw this happy scene: Kevin and Brittany strolling and waddling, respectively, out for a lovely day at a private beach.
But now we hear rumors of a great disturbance in paradise. As if dozens of Brittany fans suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
Did Brittany throw Kevin out on his ass? Did she cut off Kevin's credit cards? Did Brittany's mom meet up with Kevin's ex, just to collect more dirt on the guilty guy? Did Kevin beg Brittany in Vegas to give him another chance. Did our girl hang tough. Did Kevin respond by saying: "Yo, least let me have the Ferrari back, bayatch." Did Brittany call him toxic? Did she throw his ring back, the one she paid for? Is it all over?
1
Give it time. Reconciliation never works with celebrities (or most other people for that matter), especially when they're as stupid as these two. (Most celebrities are dumb, but these two are a couple of standard deviations below the mean, even by celebrity standards.) And Brit hasn't even come close to living up to her full slut potential yet. If she's to hold true to her white trash roots, there must be at least one other kid -- by a different daddy, of course. It'll happen. You just watch.
Posted by: Matt at December 08, 2005 06:07 AM (10G2T)
2
Off topic, sorry - annika, email me please. Thanks.
(didn't see your email address after a quick scan)
Posted by: Ted at December 08, 2005 08:57 AM (blNMI)
President To Replace MiersThis just in. Bowing to criticism, it seems that President Bush will replace Miers with another woman whose credentials, some might argue, are similarly noteworthy.
i'm talking about Brittany, of course.
President Bush said that Spears, who is an expert in rhythmic 'dancercise' and has achieved notable success marketing recorded entertainment to the under-14 WASP demographic, will make 'a real good judge'. While the choice of Washington outsider Britney Spears is clearly intended to help deflect growing accusations of cronyism and insideropeia within the Bush administration, pundits on both sides of the isle nevertheless predict an uphill confirmation climb for the youthful entertainer.
Britney Spears, who joined the nomination announcement via video uplink, said she was 'totally excited' about the opportunity. 'This is like so cool,' said Ms. Spears. 'I mean, like, the Superior Court and everything. It's like a dream come true. I mean for somebody, I guess.'
As for me, i'm disappointed. i'm sure Brittany might make a fine justice, but i'd much rather have someone with "Meals On Wheels" experience.
1
Brittany threw her bra out in the public arena and she was called to serve.
Posted by: Jake at October 12, 2005 07:57 PM (r/5D/)
2
This is a decision I could get...umm, excited about. Actually the cruel irony here is that Britney is getting less and less attractive whereas Miers might actually get more so if she doesn't "pull out" soon.
Posted by: Uncle Ben at October 13, 2005 06:34 AM (/I1/i)
3
Tonya Harding has "Meals on Wheels" experience
as a result of beating a boyfriend with a hubcap.
Posted by: anonymous at October 13, 2005 12:47 PM (Lb7Td)
4
This showed up in [CENSORED BY MU.NU]. Note that Bush is courting the Louisiana crowd, although there probably aren't a lot of white Kabbalahers down yonder.
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at October 17, 2005 09:37 PM (6Stiu)
Scroll down for Brittany's personal message to her fans.
i'm very confused by this auction. The item description is full of contradictory statements. Is the item for sale or isn't it? Do proceeds go to Hurricane Relief or to Brittany's foundation?
Developing...
[Hat tip to Steve at Poker for the Masses, who asks the following questions about playing in a charity poker game at the Playboy Mansion:
1) should i bring a towel?
2) how should I play 99? (strong is the correct answer)
3) should i tell my wife where the charity event is?
4) if yes, should i tell her before?
1
SORRY, this isn't a Brittany comment, But Texas just beat oklahoma 45 to 12!! Usally when a game gets that one-sided it gets boring, But not this time! The last touchdown was just as sweet as the first.
Suck it Sooners!
YEEEHAWWW
Posted by: Kyle N at October 08, 2005 02:22 PM (OPeck)
his bra was worn by me during promotion of my HBO special, however it is not the one I wore onstage during the Baby One More Time performance."
It's just bizarre to me that an item that was worn during an onstage performance would have more value than an item that was merely worn during promotion. But that's the way supply and demand works, I guess.
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at October 08, 2005 11:56 PM (x+05V)
3
My wife was selling her Coach bags (out of style ones) on eBay saying she was giving profits to the Katrina victims and eBay pulled them stating that you can't use them for donations or something like that...
jus sayin
Posted by: tesco at October 11, 2005 04:50 PM (c0E+O)
4
tesco, what is up with that? doesn't sound right to me.
Posted by: annika at October 12, 2005 06:14 PM (b2vYZ)
