More wisdom from the brain of Lindsay Logan:

I mean we're talkin' like, upper and inner thigh action -bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark. I mean really though, really, I didn't know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body.

Posted by: annika at 03:56 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 If I was her manager, I would tell her to keep her panties on and her mouth shut.

Posted by: Jake at December 29, 2006 05:55 PM (V6rxT)

2 Easy there Jake, dumb sluts have their place in the universe too, particularly at closing time.

Posted by: Casca at December 29, 2006 06:20 PM (2gORp)

3 Oh, what, did Ms. Logan (*snicker*) lose control of a particularly active vibrator or something??? I mean ouch! Inner thigh bruises? What the hell, that's more than just the work of a few D cells there, don't'cha know. Car battery, minimum. VvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Posted by: elmondohummus at December 29, 2006 09:25 PM (BjOjj)

4 Okay, I finally clicked the link (Oh, c'mon!! Not RTFA'ing is a time-honored habit on the web!). In a way, I'm disappointed. Nothing says cliched, " The (former) Drunken Party Ho" like amateur poledancing at a "Gentlemen's" club. Can't she at least try to be innovative in her party ho-ness? And dammit, if she's gonna be sashayin' around the brass pole, she'd better be two sheets and a bottle of Jack to the wind, and f*** that sobriety s***. Otherwise, she won't be relaxed enough to do it right. Nobody is relaxed enough to do it right unless they're two sips away from being fully honked. I have it on good authority that the professional poledancing rule is "slicker when liquored", and not even the skankiest ho - or best dancer, regardless of ho-ness - can be slinkey enough for the brass pole w/o a liberal application of liquid muscle-relaxant. Cas, back me up here: you can always tell the sober dancers on stage from the, er... slicker ones. Right???

Posted by: elmondohummus at December 29, 2006 09:44 PM (BjOjj)

5 wow, mondo, you are a font of knowledge. i think Lindsay is mediocre in just about everything she tries, acting, singing, even being a skank.

Posted by: annika at December 29, 2006 11:58 PM (1EshY)

6 I'll have to think about that. I've never been a fan of pole dancing, unless it's my pole. They tend to put that thing at the back of the stage, and I like a closeup view. I think LL was right in the first place when she said they were all "whores". I do believe that is their business; i.e. getting as much money as they can while giving as little away as possible. Kind of like... well I won't go there.

Posted by: Casca at December 30, 2006 12:12 AM (2gORp)

7 Again with the "Lindsay Logan"? Annie, are you drunk?!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 30, 2006 12:43 AM (ThlbL)

8 Well, you know, that's... uhhh... ummmm... errr... What I've been told. Yeeeaah! That's right! What people have told me! Not like I have any personal experience whatsoever on this topic ...

Posted by: elmondohummus at December 30, 2006 08:07 AM (BjOjj)

9 Spork, I think Anni's just trying to avoid the search engine hits from using LL's proper name. And getting all those love letters from buck-toothed, lonely, trailer-park loser hill-jacks (e.g. Bubba a.k.a "Lorenzo") thinking she's really LL herself, as well as as all those "love" letters from LL's fans commenting on her view of said (formerly) Drunken Party Ho. She's complained about the problem before. Hell, I think I'd do the same if I kept getting email & posts from the bubblegum and hormones set.

Posted by: elmondohummus at December 30, 2006 08:18 AM (BjOjj)

10 "bubblegum and hormones set", you're starting to sound like Shelly. Speaking of whom, I have not been receiving my daily dozen emails from him. Has anyone checked to see if he's still fogging a mirror? More likely, he's laying low in preparation for his Trojan ass fucking by the Wolverines on Monday. BTW Anni, congrats on creaming the aggies. They don't make as much noise after they've been beat.

Posted by: Casca at December 30, 2006 11:31 AM (2gORp)

11 I don't know Annika, I think she's got the skank thing mastered.

Posted by: Mike C. at December 31, 2006 06:48 AM (0Co69)

12 Sorry to disappoint, Cas, but I got away to the desert for 10 days R & R, and had to slow down the volume. The laptop is too small and it takes too long to use it. I wish I had the confidence in this game, tomorrow, but there are two USC teams here. I'm just not sure if the one that kicked the whoopie out of Notre Dame is going to show up, or the pussies who lost to UCLA will be there. If the real USC team shows up, it should be a good one; if not, it'll be an asskicking, and USC will have the proverbial one leg...

Posted by: shelly at January 01, 2007 04:31 AM (SLFj+)

13 OK, folks, all is right with the world tonight. USC showed why they will be ranked Number One again next season, but we'll have to wait another year until we can test against The Big Red Nutmegs. Casca reports that that the OSU blogs contain one that said "Who told USC that they could slap around our bitch?" Now, that is funny...except if you bleed blue.

Posted by: shelly at January 01, 2007 08:46 PM (SLFj+)

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Trump tells the story:

She left a small town in Kentucky, and she was telling me that she got caught up in the whirlwind of New York . . . It's a story that has happened many times before to many women and to many men who came to the Big Apple. They wanted their slice of the Big Apple, and they found out it wasn't so easy.

Sounds like something Steve Perry once sang:

Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin anywhere

Or (long as we're quoting SF bands), as the great Rob Weir once sang:

What in the world ever became of sweet Jane?
She lost her sparkle, you know she isn't the same
Living on reds, vitamin C and cocaine
all a friend can say is ain't it a shame . . .

Posted by: annika at 07:57 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I just received the best Lindsay Logan email of the year, from Italy.

Hi lindsay my name is Lorenzo, I'm a italian boy and i think you it's a very beatiful girl and one very talent girl.

You don't know me and i think don't interessed but, i think you all day and speack with you is my dream. You are my dream. Scuse me for my english, i don't speack good but my word it's very important for me, you are my angel and for me you are a very good girl.

I are one boy with one dream and this, are you.

I don't rich and i don't interessed money but my dream is see your eyes.

One kiss by one boy

Lorenzo

Update: More Lindsay news at 6MB.

Posted by: annika at 02:21 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Selected quotes from Lindsay Logan's most recent e-mail missive:

"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me."

"If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."

"Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character."

"our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."

"It's my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all. But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my opinion. I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be."

"[I'm at] such a young and tender age in a woman's life. It's enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change."

...change.

oooh... oooh... nanana na na na na na na...

Sorry.

Back to Lindsay's email. Memo to Lindsay: nobody gives a fuck. Except me of course, because I need a new skankwoman to post about, and you're as good as any.

Posted by: annika at 12:07 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
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1 Sorry Lindsay, Al Gore is going to insist that you wear panties when you get in and out of cars

Posted by: Jake at December 07, 2006 12:55 PM (V6rxT)

2 ... which would be the exact opposite advice Bill Clinton would've gave. Boom!! Yeeeow!! Wham!!!...

Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 07, 2006 02:21 PM (hbe/i)

3 y u hatin on linzee cuz shez mor butiful

Posted by: Casca at December 07, 2006 02:55 PM (Y7t14)

4 Wear panties locally, expose yourself globally.

Posted by: DBrooks at December 07, 2006 03:17 PM (sF8bT)

5 Gosh, it sounds like she is being coached by Barbara Streisand!

Posted by: beth at December 07, 2006 05:00 PM (1OgDG)

6 You know, it just sunk in: "Al Gore will help me"? Da heck?? LL's invoking Al Gore as a deity now? SARCASM TIME!!!! Gore is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Gore blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see Gore. Fear Gore and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For Gore will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. For Gore who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts and in our movie theaters to give us the light of knowledge of the glory of Gore in the face of An Inconvenient Truth. Thou shalt have no other Gores before Gore. Thou shalt not take Gore's name in vain.

Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 07, 2006 06:28 PM (xHyDY)

7 Wow... got my year's worth of blasphemy in on one post. Time for this catholic to go to confession...

Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 07, 2006 06:30 PM (xHyDY)

8 "Thou shalt have no other Gores before Gore." Man, if i was still doing Huge Comment of the Week, that would win!

Posted by: annika at December 07, 2006 06:46 PM (oantJ)

9 Forget it; I've heard your confession; say ten Hail Marys and perform an act of contrition, and you are absolved.

Posted by: shelly at December 07, 2006 09:42 PM (YadGF)

10 comparing crotch shots, The Brittany crotch was pretty good, I had to avoid looking directly at the diseased twat of the Paris entity, But Lindsys crotch had a sort of twisted up crumpled look to it, like worn old rethread tire with some of the steel belts poking through.

Posted by: kyle8 at December 08, 2006 04:19 AM (JMNW6)

11 I have to agree with you kyle. It had the look of a road well travelled. Shelly, I never took you for a pedophile? Anni, speaking of HCOTW, I notice one name glaringly absent from the Laureates list. WTF gurlfren?

Posted by: Casca at December 08, 2006 07:42 AM (Y7t14)

12 I still think Gore's going to be busy for the next couple of years. This of course means that Lindsay's about three weeks away from appearing in the next Screech video offering. Oddly, I don't think that she'll mind the Fish Eye or Dirty Sanchez all that much. There's a lot to be said for the heavily medicated. Be adequite! That's the only way Robert Altman will ever be proud of you.

Posted by: skippystalin at December 08, 2006 08:51 AM (OzEoC)

13 Okay, I'm a prick, but isn't she 20 years old? When she's drinking in those upscale clubs why don't the police arrest her and the club owner? Forget her, she's an idiot, but the bartenders and owners know she's underage. I hate this shit because it makes it seem like they are above the law. No wonder we have problems.

Posted by: Larry at December 08, 2006 09:06 AM (hRx9a)

14 I confessed to Shelly? Damn, I must've been really drunk that night... You know, I actually don't harbor any hate towards the Brit or LL (BTW: 3 times I've looked at this post, and I just now noticed that LL's name is misspelled in the main post: Logan? Anyhoo...). With the Brit settling down to be a mom, and LL taking a couple of real roles, I was hoping there was a sort of maturation there that would lead them to actually be respectible artists. Sure, didn't think either one of them was in danger of actually becoming deep or profound, let alone winning any Oscars or Nobels or anything, but I was thinking maybe they were making moves towards not being inane and vapid. Nope. Not so. Reality killed the charitable view. We're seeing nothing more than a spectacle of party ho's. That's all.

Posted by: ElMondoHummus at December 08, 2006 09:14 AM (hbe/i)

15 It's ugly watching children raise themselves.

Posted by: Casca at December 08, 2006 11:05 AM (Y7t14)

16 Sorry Casca, I don't know if you remember about 6 months ago, my sidebar was totally demolished. I made the mistake of trying to rebuild the blog from my cell phone and my template got fried. So I had to use an old version of the template, which didn't have your name on the HCOTW section. I still haven't gotten around to fixing it yet.

Posted by: annika at December 08, 2006 01:02 PM (zAOEU)

17 Why not bring back the HCOTW? I agree your Gore-ism should have won if you were still doing it. That was good shit. Casca had a good one last week. Can't remember it exactly but it concerned the fact that some dude's posts sucked pretty much all the time. Pretty fucking funny.

Posted by: blu at December 08, 2006 06:32 PM (swnTx)

18 Actually I should revoke Casca's for harshing on my awesome co-blogger!

Posted by: annika at December 08, 2006 07:29 PM (oantJ)

19 Yes you should anni. Sometimes I'm just an unspeakably cruel motherfucker. Ask Moxie. Then again, those who are full of themselves walk through this world with a huge bullseye painted on their chest. Blu, I love you too.

Posted by: Casca at December 09, 2006 02:15 PM (2gORp)

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