1 There once was a hosehead named Spears, Who studied Seuss, Rod McKuen, & King Lear, Her quarter hour done Before it'd even begun, Now she opens for Carrot Top at Frontiers

2 Opening for Carrot-Top, one couldn't get any lower than that. Unless one opened for Pauly Shore, i guess.

3 Many, many years ago, I flipped thru a book of gawd-awful poetry in a book store: Touch Me by Suzanne Somers. It's like comparing crap to shit, but I'd have to say Brittney's are a bit bitter. But 20+ years of trauma might have something to do with that.

4 A coquettish young harlot named Spears wrote out her dreams and her fears though it isn't quite verse, what is clearly far worse is that the memory will linger for years....

5 She fancied herself a new Bard; I say, it is not in the cards! The young skank called Brit Has curiously changing tits, And viagra won't get her husband hard!

6 Here’s a really weird site that you’ll want to link to your website: www.captainozone.com This site features a video documentary about Captain Ozone, who traveled backwards in time on a toilet from the year 2039. He has a futuristic tattoo on his arm that visually changes when he drinks Stoli’s vodka. Captain Ozone is also renowned for being the most radical environmental activist in America. In this video documentary, watch as Captain Ozone: • recycles used toilets into fine works of art (see The Toilet Museum http://toiletmuseum.com/news.html) • demonstrates hemp oil as an alternative lubricant to petroleum • touts the benefits of pollution-free hydrogen fuel • teaches school kids how to promote ecological awareness on television • crusades for the conservation of endangered salmon • stars in a music video about industrial pollution There is also an intriguing interview with Captain Ozone at www.captainozone.com Thank you, Michael Schutte Exc. Director Environmental Media Northwest