A pithy and/or lame movie review.

Sucked.

Shockingly bad, on so many levels.

Earns the rarely given Netflix one star rating ("hated it.")

Self-satisfied, pretentious new age bull-shit.

Less fun than repeatedly hitting yourself in the nose with a large rubber ball.

A comedy that thinks it's about philosophy, or a philosophical movie that thinks it's a comedy. Whatever, it fails either way.

Not a single likeable character.

For a movie that's supposed to appeal to the narrow demographic of touchy-feely new-agey politically-correct elitist guru-gropin' dolly-llama-lovin' tree-huggin' liberal fuckturds, the main characters sure are an unpleasant passive-agressive lot with major anger management issues.

Far and away the worst entry in last year's Jude Law trifecta.

This shit-fest places its liberal point of view front-and-center. Yet the only persons of color are a tall skinny African, who has about five lines, and two black security guards. Can we say stereotype? How about racist?

Jason Schwartzman, already hideously ugly, refuses to wash his hair even once.

The obligatory anti-Christian jab, which has become de rigeur for American filmmakers these days, is extended to a full scene.

Features an ass-fucking in the mud scene.

'nuff said.

Full disclosure: i once went out with one of those new-age freakos, and i still have unresolved issues about that whole thing.

Posted by: annika at 11:04 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
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1 don't sugar coat it, annika. tell us what you really think.

Posted by: louielouie at May 28, 2005 09:49 AM (i7mWl)

2 Thanks for saving me from seeing this piece of junk.

Posted by: gcotharn at May 28, 2005 10:12 AM (OxYc+)

3 If anything, it was WAY worse even than that.

Posted by: Dave J at May 28, 2005 12:20 PM (kLLbt)

4 Features an ass-fucking in the mud scene. Is that an ass-fuck in regular mud, or the mud that results from ass-fucking?

Posted by: Radical Redneck at May 28, 2005 02:38 PM (emZL6)

5 Issues? What issues? I reviewed my copy of "Cobb" several times in the past week, and as you know, "A man's friends never care what he says or does".

Posted by: Casca at May 28, 2005 03:12 PM (qBTBH)

6 Wow, RR, you resisted the temptation to link that Ted Rall picture. i'm so proud of you! ;-)

Posted by: annika at May 28, 2005 03:29 PM (QqdEX)

7 worst film of year for Jude? I've not yet seen it. Were there any likable characters in Closer? You know, in the play, Natalie Portman's character is heartbroken and kills herself at the end. Why'd they change it and make her a player?

Posted by: lighterate at May 28, 2005 03:57 PM (DiCb8)

8 likeable characters in Closer? Not really, but i still liked that movie a lot. And of course there's Alfie, where the plan was for Alfie to be really likeable (instead he got really annoying by the middle of the movie) and that didn't save the movie. by the way, anyone who hasn't seen the original Michael Caine version of Alfie needs to head straight to Blockbuster tonight... go now. i mean it.

Posted by: annika at May 28, 2005 04:02 PM (QqdEX)

9 Annie: Have you ever considered that it is hard to take an imperative issued in lower case without capitals and exclamation marks seriously? I hope that when you are submitting briefs to the Court that you may reconsider your stylish ways. Sometimes the message gets lost between the messenger and the intended recipient. That having been said, you are right, right, right! So, GO NOW! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200!

Posted by: shelly at May 29, 2005 03:07 AM (pO1tP)

10 everybody's a critic. ;-)

Posted by: annika at May 29, 2005 09:46 AM (pFLNc)

11 Annika, do u remember what was said in that "anti-Christian" jab? Yes, Hollywood is indeed one "tolerant" place.

Posted by: Mark at May 29, 2005 06:55 PM (Vg0tt)

12 Oh thank you Annie, my roommate and I watched that movie I while ago, and I seriously considered throwing the TV out the window and never watching movies again, it was that bad. My favorite thing about it is reading the forums on imdb.com, where everyone loves it and says basically if you don't you are too stupid to "get it". Huckabees takes a place next to "Natural Born Killers" as two movies that showcase the absolute worst self-indulgent tripe that can be made. Rob

Posted by: Rob at May 30, 2005 09:19 AM (TEoqH)

13 Yes, Rob. From the first minute, the movie was intended as an inside joke for people who "get it." It really makes no attempt to appeal to non-meditators, who aren't into yoga and karma and all that shit. But the joke is on them, because i did get it, having done my time with one of those new agey dudes, who dragged me to all his meetings and tried to get me into that crap. So i was familiar with the message of the movie, and i'm not stupid and it still sucked.

Posted by: annika at May 30, 2005 10:33 AM (rrZ84)

14 Could not have said it better. That movie suck-diddly-ucked.

Posted by: Dawn Summers at May 31, 2005 11:55 AM (ZyabD)

15 TOTALLY sucked! Awesome review, tho. Couldn't have said it better myself. I actually saw this junk in the movie theater -- biggest waste of $5.50 ever (thankfully I saw a matinee and didn't waste a whole $8.00 on that garbage).

Posted by: ginger at May 31, 2005 06:47 PM (jK/kA)

16 This is late in coming, but thanks for saving me $9. Burn Hollywood Burn.

Posted by: Mark at May 31, 2005 08:50 PM (QO8Wc)

17 When Schwartzman reads the poem in the very beginning, I just got a whiff of Max Fischer bringing a slight smile to my face. I only made it to the dinner scene with Jean Smart as the African dude's adoptive mother, then I got the f*** out of Dodge. What a waste of time. Ever seen the bathos that oozes at "Inside the Actors Studio?" That's what's f***ing wrong with Hollywood. Imagine John Ford or Sergio Leone or Peckinpah or James Stewart or McQueen or John Wayne sitting with James Lipton?? I can't either.

Posted by: Jason O. at June 01, 2005 06:52 AM (2CAKL)

18 Or John Huston, or Clark Gable or Henry Fonda. McQueen i could see. He was pretty full of himself at times.

Posted by: annie at June 01, 2005 04:26 PM (zAOEU)

19 Spot on review. I saw this movie at the dollar theater a few months ago. Not good. Although, I do like the music and I thought Marky Mark did a decent job. It's a real shame, too, because the writer/director made one of my favorite movies, "Flirting With Disaster."

Posted by: Micah at June 02, 2005 07:47 PM (v/oTo)

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Fifty-six votes on my semi-scientific Jim Carrey poll and i'm ready to call it. the question was this: "The best Jim Carrey film was..." And the results, in order of the vote totals was:

The Truman Show 25%
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 18%
Dumb & Dumber 14%
Bruce Almighty 11%
The Mask 7%
Me, Myself & Irene 7%
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 5%
Liar Liar 5%
The Cable Guy 4%
The Dead Pool 4%

First of all, it was kind of a trick question. Or at least a question subject to dual interpretations. What was the best "Jim Carrey movie" or what was the best "movie in which Jim Carrey appeared." If you ask me, each interpretation of the question should get a different answer.

If you're talking about "best movie in which Jim Carrey appeared," in my opinion that's clearly Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is one of the best movies to come out in recent years. But it's not a typical Jim Carrey movie. Sure, his performance was great, and there were flashes of the madcap, but Carrey wasn't the star. The script was the star and i was more blown away by Kate Winslet's complex performance.

The fact that 25% voted for The Truman Show is interesting. That's the movie that broke the Carrey typecast mold. Not a great film. Interesting enough to chat about for fifteen or twenty minutes during the obligatory post-movie Panda Express run, but no more than that. Still, without The Truman Show, we would have seen Nick Cage in the lead role of Eternal Sunshine. And what a mistake that would have been. i like Nick, but he couldn't have pulled off the baby under the table scene.

Funniest "Jim Carrey" Jim Carrey movie? i'm appalled that the comedy classic Ace Ventura: Pet Detective was so low on the list. Too many lines from that movie are worth memorizing and sprinkling into everyday conversation. It's also the only comedy movie i can think of with an offbeat hero, where the hero is not a bumbler of some kind. Think of the Pink Panther movies (also classics), when you have a wacky lead, he usually succeeds despite himself. In Ace Ventura, the lead is not a stereotypical lovable loser, instead he's the only one smart enough to crack the case.

Dumb and Dumber is hilarious, but except for the scene where the two of them are squirting ketchup and mustard into their mouths, i don't laugh as hard throughout as i did when i first saw it.

The Mask was just bad, never funny, and too reliant on special effects. Bruce Almighty is a one punch line movie, and i think it came in fourth on the strength of Jennifer Aniston's titties. Finally, by all rights The Dead Pool should have scored higher than The Cable Guy. Jim Carrey was great in that final installment to the Dirty Harry franchise. He played a strung out Axl Rose type rock star named Johnny Squares. This was a couple of years before In Living Color.

i was interested in that poll question not because i'm a huge Jim Carrey fan, because i'm not. i like him well enough, but what fascinates me is how a guy who everyone was so hot on in the nineties suddenly lost favor when everybody realized that he only had one act, and it got old rather quickly. He career kind of mirrored the dot-com boom/bust cycle of the nineties. Suddenly Hollywood realized he was obscenely overvalued and his career went through a "market correction." Carrey has dramatic talent and it's been interesting watching him try to re-invent himself for his last few movies.

Posted by: annika at 11:58 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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1 I'm pretty much alone in this opinion, but I think The Cable Guy was Jim Carrey's best work. It was both dark and funny. Didn't know whether to laugh or be creeped out.

Posted by: Ron at May 23, 2005 01:32 PM (N2E4z)

2 Why does every comic actor feel the need to do at least one "seemingly innocent guy who's really a creepy axe murderer" movie? For instance: Robin Williams in that one hour photo movie, Michael Keaton in Pacific Heights. i'm sure there are more examples.

Posted by: annika at May 23, 2005 02:38 PM (zAOEU)

3 Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is a guilty pleasure along with Dumb and Dumber. But I have an elegant persona to maintain so I will not admit I like those movies.

Posted by: Jake at May 23, 2005 04:58 PM (r/5D/)

4 Sorry, I didn't vote in your pool, and truthfully, I don't know how I would have answered. I probably would have had to vote twice: Once for Dumb and Dumber, because that is my all time favorite stupid comedy -- Jim Carrey at his finest being typical Jim Carrey. Another vote would have gone to Eternal Sunshine, because his performance in that is just heartbreaking -- one of my favorite performances, by anyone, in any movie, ever.

Posted by: ginger at May 23, 2005 05:42 PM (jK/kA)

5 WTFO! 1. Dumb & Dumber 2. Ace Ventura 3. The Mask (which really was good no matter what some skinny-assed blond thinks) 4. and all the rest which are unremarkable.

Posted by: Casca at May 23, 2005 05:52 PM (qBTBH)

6 Oh yeah, "Laces OUT!!!"

Posted by: Casca at May 23, 2005 05:53 PM (qBTBH)

7 Well, I liked Liar, Liar! Secretary: Joe Shmoe is on line 1. He just robbed another liquor store and needs your legal advice. Carrey (into the phone at arms length): STOP BREAKIN' THE LAW, ASSHOLE!!!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at May 23, 2005 07:11 PM (hKkrR)

8 Casca, my brother loves The Mask too. No surprise, you're both freaks.

Posted by: annika at May 23, 2005 07:24 PM (YiEf8)

9 Excuse me, but The Mask is augmented with effects like Cameron Diaz when she still looked good.

Posted by: Casca at May 23, 2005 08:26 PM (qBTBH)

10 eternal sunshine was the best, but nothing beats the scene at Medieval Times in cable guy. i start to cry when i watch that...

Posted by: scof at May 23, 2005 11:32 PM (x8hF4)

11 Nobody mentioned The Majestic, which is admittedly overwrought and painfully sentimental, but I still liked most of it.

Posted by: DBrooks at May 24, 2005 08:20 AM (w6ScD)

12 Scof - "Down, down, down! Red knight is goin' down!" That just happens to be one of my fave scenes from that movie too. I loved Eternal Sunshine, but I have to say my all-time fave would be Dumb & Dumber. It's guaranteed when I need to put something on that will make me laugh.

Posted by: Amy Bo Bamy at May 24, 2005 09:55 AM (kxatG)

13 i've been trying to get "the most annoying sound in the world" to use as my ringtone, no luck so far. nothing like a bunch of good laughs, and carrey is always reliable for that.

Posted by: scof at May 24, 2005 10:23 AM (7z8ua)

14 Who was the better idiot? Jim Carrey or Jerry Lewis? Hmmm. Wait. Better review some Three Stooges, Buster Keaton and . . . wait . . . this IS a trick question. THERE ARE NO GOOD JIM CARREY MOVIES!!! You almost had me for a minute there. :-)

Posted by: Hawkeye at May 30, 2005 09:45 AM (Hn+2k)

15 I am shocked, shocked [!] that Man on the Moon did not get any votes. Carrey channeled Andy Kaufman and was jobbed when he didn't get an Oscar nomination. (The biggest travesty since the Academy ignored Val Kilmer's performance as Doc Holliday in Tombstone.)

Posted by: Ralph Kostant at June 01, 2005 09:20 PM (lDA9f)

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This weekend, i re-rented The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, the cheesy 1981 BBC version that i used to rave about. i won't be doing that anymore. It does not hold up to a second viewing.

The fact is, i only saw it once before, many years ago, when a friend let me borrow the videotape. i was really blazed at the time. i seemed to remember thinking the low budget special effects (none) were much funnier than they actually are.

The BBC version, in fact, is pretty sucky. Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect seem gay. The chick who plays Trillian is simply annoying and unpleasant to watch, as is Zaphod Beeblebrox, who can't decide what accent to use. i wanted to strangle Marvin the depressed robot by the end of the three hours.

Zaphod Beeblebrox's extra head is comical. It moves on its own, but it looks worse than a papier mache replica. It's really bad.

i did like the little interludes when the narrator read from the Guide. These are illustrated with typical 80's videogame style graphics that seem to still work for me. The narrator delivers the funny lines with perfect deadpan timing. All the scenes on the Vogon spaceship were well done and funny too. The Vogon captain's poetry was classic.

i also detected a slight British high-brow anti-Americanism, which i hadn't noticed the first time i saw it. i'm more sensisitive to these things now. For instance, a couple of the characters spoke in caricatures of American dialects. Some guards talked like they were from Brooklyn, and Trillian sounded like a gum chewing waitress. And when Ford and Zaphod sing a death song in one of the later episodes, the melody is the Star Spangled Banner. Why is it that the Brits all know our national anthem?

That's something that has always bothered me about the British intelligentsia. They love us, yet they hate us. They act superior, yet we give them an inferiority complex. They're obsessed with us. It's kind of pathetic.

Anyways, i don't recommend the old BBC version, except to Dr. Who fans, who are all desensitized to bad sci-fi effects already.

i'm a big fan of the book, and i do plan on seeing the newest feature version. i think Douglas Adams is a modern day Swift.

Posted by: annika at 10:41 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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