A week or so ago, i asked this provocative question in my rotating poll: "If Jason Bourne and Jack Bauer were each given orders to kill each other, who would win?"

The results are in. You decided, with 76% of the vote, that Jason Bourne would kill Jack Bauer.

Much as i love Jack Bauer, i'd have to add my vote to the 76%. Jason Bourne kicks ass!

One thing about Jason Bourne, and i haven't read the Ludlum books so i'm only relying on the Matt Damon portrayal here, but he is freakin' deadly all by himself. Without the aid of a memory, or any organizational backup at all, he was able to alternately hide from, or escape from the clutches of, any government's intelligence or police apparatus, including about a half dozen of the world's best assassins sent to get him. Plus he's a hell of a nice guy.

The trouble with Jack Bauer is that he is nothing without CTU. And CTU is unreliable at best. Look what happened last year. In twenty-four hours CTU managed to allow someone to take over all the U.S. nuclear power plants by remote control, resulting in a nuclear meltdown and thousands of deaths, someone then stole an F-117 stealth fighter and shot down Air Force One, probably killing the president.*

Poor Jack Bauer. Without his little palm pilot he's pretty much useless. Unfortunately, that palm pilot links him to CTU, which as Dawn Summers once pointed out, "has more leaks than the Nixon White House."

Jack has his strengths, to be sure. He doesn't quit, and he doesn't shy away from doing what has to be done. Like, for instance, shooting his boss in the leg or in the head, or killing his girlfriend's husband for "national security" reasons, wink-wink. Too bad Audrey Heller couldn't see that he is actually a pretty nice guy, too. Whatta picky bitch.

But the key reason i think Jason Bourne would win this round is that he's so damn fast. And when he fights, he attacks. It's like three punches and three guys go down in one second. i've never seen Jack fight like that, although maybe he hasn't had the opportunity. Next season, when Jack's flying solo, we might get to see what he can do without CTU, so i'm looking forward to that.

Next up: Beatrix Kiddo vs. Lara Croft (not technically an assassin but what the heck.) So go vote.
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* i'm still not clear on that. Did the president die or not?

Posted by: annika at 08:13 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Sheila posted about The Big Sleep last month, and raved about it. i was always put off by the movie, although i love Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Raymond Chandler. It was the fact that i couldn't follow the plot that bugged me. But even the writers, including William Faulkner and Chandler himself, couldn't figure out what was going on.

So when it came on TCM yesterday afternoon, i gave myself permission to watch it without trying to understand the story and just enjoy the great film noir dialogue. Like this:

MARS
(threateningly)
Just a minute. The girl can go. I'd like to talk to you...

MARLOWE (Bogart)
Suppose I don't wanna talk to you.

MARS
I've got two boys outside in the car.

MARLOWE
Oh. It's like that, eh. Mm-hum. Run along, angel.

MARS
Your story didn't sound quite right.

MARLOWE
Oh, that's too bad. You've got a better one?

MARS
Maybe I can find one.
(looks under the rug.)
Blood. Quite a lot of blood.

MARLOWE
Is that so?

MARS
(pulls out a gun.)
You mind?

MARLOWE
No. I'm used to it.

. . .

MARS
Convenient. The door being open when you didn't have a key.

MARLOWE
Yeah. Wasn't it? By the way, how did you happen to have one?

MARS
Is that any of your business?

MARLOWE
I could make it my business.

MARS
And I could make your business mine.

MARLOWE
You wouldn't like it. The pay's too small.

MARS
I think you'd better get out here.

MARLOWE
Oh, by the way, how's Mrs. Mars these days?

MARS
You take chances, Marlowe.

MARLOWE
I get paid to.

MARLOWE
You alone, Joe?

BRODY
(pulls out a gun.)
Yeah. Except for this.

MARLOWE
My, my, my. Such a lot of guns around town, and so few brains. You know, you're the second guy I've met today who seems to think a gat in the hand means the world by the tail. Put it down, Joe.

When Bogey and Bacall were on screen together, in The Big Sleep, Key Largo, To Have and Have Not and Dark Passage they were doubly riveting. Everybody knows the "you know how to whistle" scene from To Have and Have Not (one of the greatest scenes in movie history), but this dialogue from The Big Sleep is just as electric:

VIVIAN (Bacall)
I'm very grateful to you, Mr. Marlowe. I'm very glad it's all over. Tell me, uh, what do you usually do when you're not working?

MARLOWE
Mm. Play the horses, fool around.

VIVIAN
No women?

MARLOWE
Well, I'm generally working on something most of the time.

VIVIAN
Would that be stressed to include me?

MARLOWE
I like you. I told you that before.

VIVIAN
I liked hearing you say it.

MARLOWE
Mm.

VIVIAN
But you didn't do much about it.

MARLOWE
Neither did you.

VIVIAN
Well, speaking of horses, I like to play them myself. But I'd like to see them work out a little first to see if they are front runners or come from behind, find out what the whole card is, what makes them run.

MARLOWE
Find out mine?

VIVIAN
I think so.

MARLOWE
Go ahead.

VIVIAN
I'd say you don't like to be rated. You'd like to get out in front, open up a lead, take a little breather in the backstretch and, and come home free.

MARLOWE
You don't like to be rated yourself.

VIVIAN
I haven't met anyone yet who could do it. Any suggestions?

MARLOWE
Well, I can't tell 'til I've seen you over distance of ground. You got a touch of class but... I don't know, how far you can go?

VIVIAN
That depends on who's on the saddle, Marlowe. I like the way you work. In case you don't know, you're doing all right.

MARLOWE
There's one thing I can't figure out.

VIVIAN
What makes me run?

MARLOWE
Uh huh.

VIVIAN
I'll give you a little hint. Sugar won't work. It's been tried.

Posted by: annika at 08:24 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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A pithy and/or lame movie review.

Okay, somebody wanna explain that shit to me?

So he went back in time? i don't get it. How did he go back in time?

This movie is a bizarre cross between The Shining, Ordinary People and Harvey. Plus, it's a comedy.

Set in the eighties, it features a really cool soundtrack. Tears for Fears, INXS, Duran Duran, Joy Division and Echo and the Bunnymen, who are especially appropriate, since the key figure in this movie is a guy in a grotesque bunny suit.

i think i have identified a new movie genre, the "nostalgic suburban period movie." Add this film to the list that includes The Virgin Suicides and Dazed and Confused.

i can't watch the mom without thinking "kickinggggg bird."

Set design was very good. All the details were there. My family had the same antique Sony Trinitron.

If you were to take a poll of bloggers, i imagine this movie would be most popular with self absorbed LiveJournal types. You know, the type of kids who dress in black and think they're artistic and unique because they write free verse poems about death that sound exactly the same as all the other free verse poems about death written by all the other kids who dress in black and think they're artistic and unique.

In other words, i would have loved this movie when i was in high school.

Stylish enough to earn three Netflix stars from me, but ultimately frustrating. i know i might understand it better if i watched it again, but i just didn't like it enough to go through the extra effort.

Posted by: annika at 09:04 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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