I got to see Woody Allen's Match Point today during its limited release. The movie is showing on only a couple of screens in the whole country. (I love L.A.) I saw it at the new Century City AMC 15 theater, right by where I used to work.

On a side note, the City of L.A. has finally decided to get rid of "little" Santa Monica Boulevard. For those of you unfamiliar with this idiosyncratic roadway, "little" Santa Monica ran alongside "real" Santa Monica from West L.A. to Beverly Hills. It's a very busy east-west route, and there was no logical reason for the redundancy. It looks like when they're done it will be twice as wide and much less confusing for the non-native driver. Good job.

So anyways, the one o'clock bargain matinee was still eight-fucking-fifty dollars at the Century City Theater, which makes me wonder what full price is. It was a full house. I'm pretty sure I was the only shikse in there too. And the youngest. It was a Woody Allen picture, after all.

I can't ruin the movie for you, because I want you to see it. The ending is really cool. I give it four stars: "liked it a lot." Woody can still make movies. I will say this: it's not about tennis. It's mainly a love triangle thing.

If you liked Closer, you'll like Match Point. The two movies are similar in many ways. Both have main characters who are feckless Brits, while Match Point has the added advantage of not having Natalie Portman in it.

Scarlett Johansson was awesome as expected. Her character is an unlikeable but sexy bitch. It's a nuanced performance. There are a lot of close-up shots, and you can't fake that kind of acting. The girl's got amazing talent.

The central theme of Match Point is the role of chance in life. Like how one little chance occurrence that you have no control over, and maybe don't even know about, can make a huge difference in your life. It made me think about how I might be married right now if a certain guy had been in the office instead of out when I called him three years ago. I'm glad he was out.

Another thing the movie reminded me about is how much I hate secret relationships. I've been in a few and they never ended well. Any time you have to keep a relationship secret, it's a sign that you probably shouldn't be in it. This includes work relationships, "his-mom-hates-you" relationships and of course cheating.

So there you go. I've started off the year with two pieces of good advice for you. Go see Match Point, and don't get into any secret relationships.

Posted by: annika at 11:34 PM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
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Dear Peter Jackson.

i love what you guys are doing with claymation these days, but three hours of watching a monkey grimace is a bit much, don't you think?

your fan,

annika

p.s. i mean, there's only so many ways an ape can make a sad face, you know what i mean? Geez, Roddy McDowell figured that out back in the seventies.

thanks again,

annie

p.p.s. The dino stampede was nice, but Spielberg already did one. Remember? Plus, i don't think a .45 caliber tommy gun is going to do much against a velociraptor, let alone a brontosaurus an apatosaurus, except make it madder.

luv ya,

a

p.p.p.s. Me again. Sorry, i just don't get the whole "girl loves monkey" thing. You know, Adrian Brody may not be the handsomest dude out there, but he does have a certain charm. At the very least, a cute blonde with a nice figure like Naomi Watts, shouldn't have to settle for a simian.

nika

p.p.p.p.s. i thought about my last p.s. and i should have added that i did find myself having feelings for the big furry primate by the end of the deal. Why'd you have to kill him?

byee

p.p.p.p.p.s. Who knew Jack Black could carry a whole picture? Oh, and if you wanted to cast Nicole Kidman, but she was unavailable, you couldn't have found a better facsimile than Naomi Watts. There were moments when i thought i was looking at Nicole for a second. Interesting that the two of them grew up in Australia and are actually close friends.

yours truly,

nika

p.p.p.p.p.p.s. The biplanes looked totally fake. It kind of ruined it for me. Biplanes move a lot slower in real life than you showed them. Maybe most people wouldn't notice that, but i'm kind of a biplane nut.

ceeya,

babs

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s. i swear this is the last one. i thought the original KK was overrated. i've actually heard it referred to as the "greatest American film" ever, which is ridiculous. Like nobody's made a better movie since 1933? Come on. Your remake certainly was better. And you outdid the De Laurentiis version too. (But then De Laurentiis's sucked.) In all honesty Peter, i think you are a modern day DeMille. Keep making epics, you're good at them. i'll keep seeing them.

This King Kong was like three movies in one. The first hour was a trip through depression era New York. Nicely done. i love imagining what different periods of history looked like, and you really brought it alive for me.

The second hour was an action thriller, with monsters and lots of creepy-crawlies. It was fun, although it almost succumbed to the "Temple Of Doom" syndrome (too much action) in places. Not to worry though, i figured i could afford to miss at least one perilous escape to go relieve my bladder, and i was right.

The third act was the tragedy. No surprises there, and it may have been the weakest part of the movie. Like i said, the whole gorilla - blonde love association thing is just not believable. They must have known they couldn't have a future together. i mean, how would they do it? It's a stretch.

But overall, i'd give your KK a 3 stars on the Netflix scale ("liked it"). Definitely worth seeing, although it's an hour too long.

luvs,

annie bananie

Posted by: annika at 08:11 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Not many people know that, for Catholics, some sort of penance is advised during the Advent season as well as during Lent. So this year i have decided that my Advent sacrifice should be to see ten movies in the next fourteen days.

i call it a sacrifice because the quality of Hollywood movies in recent years has not given me much hope that this will be an enjoyable experience. Plus, i intend to blog about each one, and lately, wringing a decent blog post out of my head has been a difficult task.

i am in Los Angeles until after the new year, so i will have the advantage of being able to see a lot of the limited release films that are already creating a buzz, such as Spielberg's Munich and Woody Allen's Match Point (a must see for me, since i love tennis.)

The boyfriend will be joining me next week, and he has indicated that he will help me cross the finish line on this goal, as long as "that cowboy movie" isn't one of the ten films.

i hope my Advent sacrifice, and the blog posts it generates, will be of some interest to you all. Besides, it's Christmas break, and what else have i got to do with my time? Otherwise i might spend it playing videogames with my bro, or eating and drinking way too much.

Posted by: annika at 02:03 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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i took a mid-week study break this afternoon and saw Aeon Flux. This is an interesting movie to review because audience expectations can be all over the map. The original MTV cartoon has a cult following, so i imagine those viewers would be the most discerning. i liked the original cartoon, without being obsessed by it. i wanted to see it because i like sci-fi post-apocalyptic shit, especially with a kick-ass heroine. My boyfriend, of course, went along with the hope of seeing some t&a.

i would give Aeon Flux a solid three stars (liked it) on the Netflix five star scale. i wasn't expecting greatness, only coolness, which it delivered.

My first introduction to Charlize Theron was The Legend Of Bagger Vance, which i saw in a hotel room on free HBO. i still felt ripped off. She was horrible in that lemon of a movie. The second time i saw her she was partying with an apple, and the third time i saw her she was partying in orange.

But Charlize is a big star now, because she's won an Oscar. She deserves another nomination for having never blinked once during all 93 minutes of Aeon Flux. Nobody blinks in this movie, check it out, it's freaky.

The plot is this: Aeon Flux is a 25th century assassin, and part of a high-tech underground rebellion against a mildly oppressive government a la Logan's Run without the chanting crowds. She's sent on a mission to kill the head honcho, but once she gets there, she finds out that things are more complicated than they at first seemed. They never are in these types of movies. But thankfully the plot wasn't too convoluted for my finals-fatigued brain to follow.

There are at least two requisite bitch brawls, which aren't too bad, action wise. There's minimal reliance on sci-fi gadgetry, which i count as a good thing. The atmospherics can't quite match up to the original, but then the original is a cartoon. You have to inject some humanity into a live-action remake or it would be unwatchable. Still, i think this version captures enough of the original's dreamlike weirdness to satisfy most non-purists.

i wonder where the exteriors were shot. There's a nice balance between futuristic cold concrete and manicured gardens, so the background never looks too sterile. The climactic scene features gently falling cherry blossoms, which was a nice touch.

But my favorite part was the costumes. Chris didn't think there was enough skin, but i have only two words to say about the fashions: wedge heels. i think you know how i feel about this year's must-have boot. They're on my Xmas list. Charlize shows that you can run in them, snap a dude's neck like a twig in them, and still look good in a crouch. And she does do a lot of crouching, but why not, her ass was made to be in spandex.

Charlize spends most of the time in Aeon's signature black bodysuit, but her grand entrance is in a 25th century hooded leather suit that's too hot to describe, and the stills do not do it justice. She also wears a very svelte white number in one scene, that i like a lot. But above all else, it's the boots that make this movie, baby.

So, to sum up: i liked it. It's a little too short for me to recommend paying full price though. See it on matinee like i did, or wait for the DVD.

Posted by: annika at 10:24 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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One of the cool things about Netflix is a feature that lets you rate movies on a scale of one to five stars. Their computer makes recommendations for future rentals a member might like, based on the memberÂ’s ratings. i donÂ’t find the recommendations very helpful, but i do like rating things.

Five stars means “I loved it.” i reserve five stars for movies i love that are generally considered classics, or which deserve to be classics; also for movies that i don’t mind seeing again and again or from which i have memorized much of the dialogue.

A fine example of my thinking on five star movies is my list of such movies from A to C in alphabetical order. i just copied and pasted the list from my Netflix page, so you will notice that there are some TV shows in there, which are not technically movies, but otherwise fit my criteria.

12 Angry Men (1957)
24: Season 1 (2001)
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Airplane! (1980)
All About Eve (1950)
Annie Hall (1977)
The Apartment (1960)
Apollo 13 (1995)
Arthur (1981)
Austin Powers 1 (1997)
Austin Powers 2 (1999)
Back to the Future (1985)
Band of Brothers (2001)
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
Black Hawk Down (2001)
Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
Bullitt (196
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Caddyshack (1980)
Captain Blood (1935)
Casablanca (1942)
Charley Varrick (1973)
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
Cold Mountain (2003)
Cool Hand Luke (1967)

The Netflix rating thing is an ongoing project, so donÂ’t be surprised if there are some omissions from my list. It might mean that the movie didnÂ’t come up as i was going through the recommendations (which i often did when i was bored at work) and clicking on the star ratings.

Update: There's an interesting discussion going on in the comments about whether my 5 star list contains more guy movies or chick movies. First of all, let me admit that my tastes have always included guy things, from sports movies to war movies to historical movies and sci-fi. But i think it's a mistake to say that movies which are obviously marketed towards the male audience do not appeal to women just as much.

If i had to guess, i would say i know more chicks than guys who watch 24 religiously. And comedies like Airplane, and the Ace Ventura and Austin Powers movies can't be categorized. i think both sexes enjoy them equally.

Additionally, i would look askance at any guy who could not appreciate The Apartment or Breakfast At Tiffany's. And All About Eve is just so darn good that every male should be forced to watch it for his own cultural enrichment.

Posted by: annika at 01:58 PM | Comments (32) | Add Comment
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i didn't want to add to any of the Dukes Of Hazzard hype that's been going on, but i have to link to the San Francisco Chronicle's review. It may be the funniest review ever, certainly the most scathing movie review i've ever seen.

There are routine movies and others that blaze a trail. There are routine bad movies and others so horrendous that they redefine bad, that make us look up synonyms for agonizing and abysmal and then gnash our teeth because the language has not kept pace with the decline of film. There are even movies that are so blazingly rotten that they can redefine past experiences and make us look back on recent weak efforts like 'Stealth' or 'Fantastic Four' and think, 'Ooh, that was fascinating.'

'The Dukes of Hazzard' is hardly some routine bad movie. Rather, it's one of the elite, right up there with 'I Am Curious ... Yellow' (1967) and Bo Derek's 'Ghosts Can't Do It' (1990), in stiff competition for the lamest thing ever put on celluloid. Of course, that makes it, by default, the worst film so far of the 21st century, but to say that does little to acknowledge the ambition behind this project. Make no mistake, director Jay Chandrasekhar was swinging for the fences with this one. He was shooting for the millennium.

The movie establishes, with startling economy, that it's about two imbeciles. In a sleepy rural county, a red car comes blazing down a country road, careening and swerving, while the two morons in the front seats yell 'Woo-ooo!' and 'Yee-haaa!' These are Bo (Seann William Scott) and Luke Duke (Johnny Knoxville), the loudest, laughingest, hell-raisingest pair of single- celled organisms ever to get a Georgia driver's license.

Posted by: annika at 08:23 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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American Beauty and The Ice Storm are essentially the same movie. Through the magic of the Netflix queue, i saw them both on subsequent nights.

Both are about dysfunctional families, mid-life crisis, sexual restlessness, infidelity, teen experimentation, and the secret underbelly of suburban life.

The difference is that one sucked and one was a pretty decent movie. Unfortunately, the Academy bestowed its Best Picture award on the one that sucked. Shows you that the Academy Awards are a joke.

A big reason for the difference was that one movie was about its subject matter, while the other was a thinly veiled political statement in which the subject matter was only a setup for the filmmaker's liberal punch-line.

Ang Lee treated his characters with gentle compassion. The other director had a huge chip on his shoulder against every character except one. American Beauty was the product of a bitter, angry, small mind. If you want my advice, pass it up and rent The Ice Storm.

Update: Perhaps i should be more specific about my objections, since it never occurred to me that anyone would disagree with my opinions on any subject [insert winking smilie here], especially someone whose opinions i respect as much as Professor Schwyzer.

It seems to me that the central villain of American Beauty is the one dimensional homophobe character, and i was a little taken aback by the over-the-top stereotype, which the writer employed to get his point across. The character of Colonel Frank Fitts, United States Marine Corps seems intended as an insult directed solely at conservatives. Here's a caricature with a crew-cut, who speaks with a southern accent, is obviously a Republican, a retired marine, an abusive husband, probably a batterer who beats up his drug dealer son and requires a monthly piss test from him. He's also a closet Nazi. But the big punch-line i alluded to — the "Crying Game moment" if you will — is when the villain, in a fit of emotion, kisses the Kevin Spacey character. The filmmaker's message to the audience is clear: all conservatives are homophobes and all homophobes are repressed homosexuals.

While i admit that some homophobes probably are repressed homosexuals (J. Edgar Hoover, and at least one of Matthew Shepard's killers for example), i have a hard time with a movie whose intent is so obviously to smear the military and conservatives the way American Beauty did. i'm very sensitive to political statements which are designed to insult not persuade, and which are disguised as art. Some have called me too sensitive, but it's no secret that liberal Hollywood filmmakers are often motivated by their hatred of Republicans. Witness this quote from an interview with Jay Chandrasekhar, who directed this year's remake movie, The Dukes of Hazzard:

You know, IÂ’m a very liberal-minded person and I like to tweak Republicans whenever possible.

Posted by: annika at 10:37 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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With 99 votes in, i'm calling round two of the Kick-Ass Movie Assassins Runoff for Beatrix Kiddo. As you recall, i asked you to vote on the following question:

If Lara Croft and Beatrix Kiddo were each given orders to kill each other, who would win?

The early voting was very close with Lara Croft and Beatrix running neck and neck until about fifty votes were in. Then Beatrix pulled away and kept a substantial lead until the end. As of this writing Lara Croft had 37% to Beatrix Kiddo's 63%.

For me, the choice was easy, and not just because Kill Bill vol. 2 is perhaps the best movie i've seen since L.A. Confidential. Beatrix Kiddo was totally fearless. She survived getting shot in the head and being buried alive. Only a couple months after waking up from a four year coma, she defeated the entire Crazy 88's bodyguard with just a samurai sword, then dispatched a well rested O-Ren Ishii. She may be the only person in the world who knows the secret five-point exploding heart technique.

By contrast, the only thing Lara Croft could make explode was a pair of nipples through a quarter inch of neoprene. There's a scene in The Cradle Of Life where she's pointing a big gun at the bad guy and her hand was shaking! Some bad-ass. Black Mamba wouldn't give her a second thought.

Next up, for Round Three i've chosen an obvious match-up: Maggie from Point Of No Return vs. Nikita from La Femme Nikita (The Luc Besson film, not the tv show). This should be a good fight. So scroll down and vote!

And while you're at it, do check out my friend Matt's Baddest-Ass Post-Apocalyptic Movie Hero Tournament. Round One is Max from the Mad Max series vs. Reese from The Terminator.

P.S. Click here to see my Round One results: Jason Bourne vs. Jack Bauer.

Posted by: annika at 11:29 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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A week or so ago, i asked this provocative question in my rotating poll: "If Jason Bourne and Jack Bauer were each given orders to kill each other, who would win?"

The results are in. You decided, with 76% of the vote, that Jason Bourne would kill Jack Bauer.

Much as i love Jack Bauer, i'd have to add my vote to the 76%. Jason Bourne kicks ass!

One thing about Jason Bourne, and i haven't read the Ludlum books so i'm only relying on the Matt Damon portrayal here, but he is freakin' deadly all by himself. Without the aid of a memory, or any organizational backup at all, he was able to alternately hide from, or escape from the clutches of, any government's intelligence or police apparatus, including about a half dozen of the world's best assassins sent to get him. Plus he's a hell of a nice guy.

The trouble with Jack Bauer is that he is nothing without CTU. And CTU is unreliable at best. Look what happened last year. In twenty-four hours CTU managed to allow someone to take over all the U.S. nuclear power plants by remote control, resulting in a nuclear meltdown and thousands of deaths, someone then stole an F-117 stealth fighter and shot down Air Force One, probably killing the president.*

Poor Jack Bauer. Without his little palm pilot he's pretty much useless. Unfortunately, that palm pilot links him to CTU, which as Dawn Summers once pointed out, "has more leaks than the Nixon White House."

Jack has his strengths, to be sure. He doesn't quit, and he doesn't shy away from doing what has to be done. Like, for instance, shooting his boss in the leg or in the head, or killing his girlfriend's husband for "national security" reasons, wink-wink. Too bad Audrey Heller couldn't see that he is actually a pretty nice guy, too. Whatta picky bitch.

But the key reason i think Jason Bourne would win this round is that he's so damn fast. And when he fights, he attacks. It's like three punches and three guys go down in one second. i've never seen Jack fight like that, although maybe he hasn't had the opportunity. Next season, when Jack's flying solo, we might get to see what he can do without CTU, so i'm looking forward to that.

Next up: Beatrix Kiddo vs. Lara Croft (not technically an assassin but what the heck.) So go vote.
_______________

* i'm still not clear on that. Did the president die or not?

Posted by: annika at 08:13 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Sheila posted about The Big Sleep last month, and raved about it. i was always put off by the movie, although i love Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Raymond Chandler. It was the fact that i couldn't follow the plot that bugged me. But even the writers, including William Faulkner and Chandler himself, couldn't figure out what was going on.

So when it came on TCM yesterday afternoon, i gave myself permission to watch it without trying to understand the story and just enjoy the great film noir dialogue. Like this:

MARS
(threateningly)
Just a minute. The girl can go. I'd like to talk to you...

MARLOWE (Bogart)
Suppose I don't wanna talk to you.

MARS
I've got two boys outside in the car.

MARLOWE
Oh. It's like that, eh. Mm-hum. Run along, angel.

MARS
Your story didn't sound quite right.

MARLOWE
Oh, that's too bad. You've got a better one?

MARS
Maybe I can find one.
(looks under the rug.)
Blood. Quite a lot of blood.

MARLOWE
Is that so?

MARS
(pulls out a gun.)
You mind?

MARLOWE
No. I'm used to it.

. . .

MARS
Convenient. The door being open when you didn't have a key.

MARLOWE
Yeah. Wasn't it? By the way, how did you happen to have one?

MARS
Is that any of your business?

MARLOWE
I could make it my business.

MARS
And I could make your business mine.

MARLOWE
You wouldn't like it. The pay's too small.

MARS
I think you'd better get out here.

MARLOWE
Oh, by the way, how's Mrs. Mars these days?

MARS
You take chances, Marlowe.

MARLOWE
I get paid to.

MARLOWE
You alone, Joe?

BRODY
(pulls out a gun.)
Yeah. Except for this.

MARLOWE
My, my, my. Such a lot of guns around town, and so few brains. You know, you're the second guy I've met today who seems to think a gat in the hand means the world by the tail. Put it down, Joe.

When Bogey and Bacall were on screen together, in The Big Sleep, Key Largo, To Have and Have Not and Dark Passage they were doubly riveting. Everybody knows the "you know how to whistle" scene from To Have and Have Not (one of the greatest scenes in movie history), but this dialogue from The Big Sleep is just as electric:

VIVIAN (Bacall)
I'm very grateful to you, Mr. Marlowe. I'm very glad it's all over. Tell me, uh, what do you usually do when you're not working?

MARLOWE
Mm. Play the horses, fool around.

VIVIAN
No women?

MARLOWE
Well, I'm generally working on something most of the time.

VIVIAN
Would that be stressed to include me?

MARLOWE
I like you. I told you that before.

VIVIAN
I liked hearing you say it.

MARLOWE
Mm.

VIVIAN
But you didn't do much about it.

MARLOWE
Neither did you.

VIVIAN
Well, speaking of horses, I like to play them myself. But I'd like to see them work out a little first to see if they are front runners or come from behind, find out what the whole card is, what makes them run.

MARLOWE
Find out mine?

VIVIAN
I think so.

MARLOWE
Go ahead.

VIVIAN
I'd say you don't like to be rated. You'd like to get out in front, open up a lead, take a little breather in the backstretch and, and come home free.

MARLOWE
You don't like to be rated yourself.

VIVIAN
I haven't met anyone yet who could do it. Any suggestions?

MARLOWE
Well, I can't tell 'til I've seen you over distance of ground. You got a touch of class but... I don't know, how far you can go?

VIVIAN
That depends on who's on the saddle, Marlowe. I like the way you work. In case you don't know, you're doing all right.

MARLOWE
There's one thing I can't figure out.

VIVIAN
What makes me run?

MARLOWE
Uh huh.

VIVIAN
I'll give you a little hint. Sugar won't work. It's been tried.

Posted by: annika at 08:24 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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A pithy and/or lame movie review.

Okay, somebody wanna explain that shit to me?

So he went back in time? i don't get it. How did he go back in time?

This movie is a bizarre cross between The Shining, Ordinary People and Harvey. Plus, it's a comedy.

Set in the eighties, it features a really cool soundtrack. Tears for Fears, INXS, Duran Duran, Joy Division and Echo and the Bunnymen, who are especially appropriate, since the key figure in this movie is a guy in a grotesque bunny suit.

i think i have identified a new movie genre, the "nostalgic suburban period movie." Add this film to the list that includes The Virgin Suicides and Dazed and Confused.

i can't watch the mom without thinking "kickinggggg bird."

Set design was very good. All the details were there. My family had the same antique Sony Trinitron.

If you were to take a poll of bloggers, i imagine this movie would be most popular with self absorbed LiveJournal types. You know, the type of kids who dress in black and think they're artistic and unique because they write free verse poems about death that sound exactly the same as all the other free verse poems about death written by all the other kids who dress in black and think they're artistic and unique.

In other words, i would have loved this movie when i was in high school.

Stylish enough to earn three Netflix stars from me, but ultimately frustrating. i know i might understand it better if i watched it again, but i just didn't like it enough to go through the extra effort.

Posted by: annika at 09:04 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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A pithy and/or lame movie review.

Sucked.

Shockingly bad, on so many levels.

Earns the rarely given Netflix one star rating ("hated it.")

Self-satisfied, pretentious new age bull-shit.

Less fun than repeatedly hitting yourself in the nose with a large rubber ball.

A comedy that thinks it's about philosophy, or a philosophical movie that thinks it's a comedy. Whatever, it fails either way.

Not a single likeable character.

For a movie that's supposed to appeal to the narrow demographic of touchy-feely new-agey politically-correct elitist guru-gropin' dolly-llama-lovin' tree-huggin' liberal fuckturds, the main characters sure are an unpleasant passive-agressive lot with major anger management issues.

Far and away the worst entry in last year's Jude Law trifecta.

This shit-fest places its liberal point of view front-and-center. Yet the only persons of color are a tall skinny African, who has about five lines, and two black security guards. Can we say stereotype? How about racist?

Jason Schwartzman, already hideously ugly, refuses to wash his hair even once.

The obligatory anti-Christian jab, which has become de rigeur for American filmmakers these days, is extended to a full scene.

Features an ass-fucking in the mud scene.

'nuff said.

Full disclosure: i once went out with one of those new-age freakos, and i still have unresolved issues about that whole thing.

Posted by: annika at 11:04 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
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1 don't sugar coat it, annika. tell us what you really think.

Posted by: louielouie at May 28, 2005 09:49 AM (i7mWl)

2 Thanks for saving me from seeing this piece of junk.

Posted by: gcotharn at May 28, 2005 10:12 AM (OxYc+)

3 If anything, it was WAY worse even than that.

Posted by: Dave J at May 28, 2005 12:20 PM (kLLbt)

4 Features an ass-fucking in the mud scene. Is that an ass-fuck in regular mud, or the mud that results from ass-fucking?

Posted by: Radical Redneck at May 28, 2005 02:38 PM (emZL6)

5 Issues? What issues? I reviewed my copy of "Cobb" several times in the past week, and as you know, "A man's friends never care what he says or does".

Posted by: Casca at May 28, 2005 03:12 PM (qBTBH)

6 Wow, RR, you resisted the temptation to link that Ted Rall picture. i'm so proud of you! ;-)

Posted by: annika at May 28, 2005 03:29 PM (QqdEX)

7 worst film of year for Jude? I've not yet seen it. Were there any likable characters in Closer? You know, in the play, Natalie Portman's character is heartbroken and kills herself at the end. Why'd they change it and make her a player?

Posted by: lighterate at May 28, 2005 03:57 PM (DiCb8)

8 likeable characters in Closer? Not really, but i still liked that movie a lot. And of course there's Alfie, where the plan was for Alfie to be really likeable (instead he got really annoying by the middle of the movie) and that didn't save the movie. by the way, anyone who hasn't seen the original Michael Caine version of Alfie needs to head straight to Blockbuster tonight... go now. i mean it.

Posted by: annika at May 28, 2005 04:02 PM (QqdEX)

9 Annie: Have you ever considered that it is hard to take an imperative issued in lower case without capitals and exclamation marks seriously? I hope that when you are submitting briefs to the Court that you may reconsider your stylish ways. Sometimes the message gets lost between the messenger and the intended recipient. That having been said, you are right, right, right! So, GO NOW! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200!

Posted by: shelly at May 29, 2005 03:07 AM (pO1tP)

10 everybody's a critic. ;-)

Posted by: annika at May 29, 2005 09:46 AM (pFLNc)

11 Annika, do u remember what was said in that "anti-Christian" jab? Yes, Hollywood is indeed one "tolerant" place.

Posted by: Mark at May 29, 2005 06:55 PM (Vg0tt)

12 Oh thank you Annie, my roommate and I watched that movie I while ago, and I seriously considered throwing the TV out the window and never watching movies again, it was that bad. My favorite thing about it is reading the forums on imdb.com, where everyone loves it and says basically if you don't you are too stupid to "get it". Huckabees takes a place next to "Natural Born Killers" as two movies that showcase the absolute worst self-indulgent tripe that can be made. Rob

Posted by: Rob at May 30, 2005 09:19 AM (TEoqH)

13 Yes, Rob. From the first minute, the movie was intended as an inside joke for people who "get it." It really makes no attempt to appeal to non-meditators, who aren't into yoga and karma and all that shit. But the joke is on them, because i did get it, having done my time with one of those new agey dudes, who dragged me to all his meetings and tried to get me into that crap. So i was familiar with the message of the movie, and i'm not stupid and it still sucked.

Posted by: annika at May 30, 2005 10:33 AM (rrZ84)

14 Could not have said it better. That movie suck-diddly-ucked.

Posted by: Dawn Summers at May 31, 2005 11:55 AM (ZyabD)

15 TOTALLY sucked! Awesome review, tho. Couldn't have said it better myself. I actually saw this junk in the movie theater -- biggest waste of $5.50 ever (thankfully I saw a matinee and didn't waste a whole $8.00 on that garbage).

Posted by: ginger at May 31, 2005 06:47 PM (jK/kA)

16 This is late in coming, but thanks for saving me $9. Burn Hollywood Burn.

Posted by: Mark at May 31, 2005 08:50 PM (QO8Wc)

17 When Schwartzman reads the poem in the very beginning, I just got a whiff of Max Fischer bringing a slight smile to my face. I only made it to the dinner scene with Jean Smart as the African dude's adoptive mother, then I got the f*** out of Dodge. What a waste of time. Ever seen the bathos that oozes at "Inside the Actors Studio?" That's what's f***ing wrong with Hollywood. Imagine John Ford or Sergio Leone or Peckinpah or James Stewart or McQueen or John Wayne sitting with James Lipton?? I can't either.

Posted by: Jason O. at June 01, 2005 06:52 AM (2CAKL)

18 Or John Huston, or Clark Gable or Henry Fonda. McQueen i could see. He was pretty full of himself at times.

Posted by: annie at June 01, 2005 04:26 PM (zAOEU)

19 Spot on review. I saw this movie at the dollar theater a few months ago. Not good. Although, I do like the music and I thought Marky Mark did a decent job. It's a real shame, too, because the writer/director made one of my favorite movies, "Flirting With Disaster."

Posted by: Micah at June 02, 2005 07:47 PM (v/oTo)

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Fifty-six votes on my semi-scientific Jim Carrey poll and i'm ready to call it. the question was this: "The best Jim Carrey film was..." And the results, in order of the vote totals was:

The Truman Show 25%
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 18%
Dumb & Dumber 14%
Bruce Almighty 11%
The Mask 7%
Me, Myself & Irene 7%
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 5%
Liar Liar 5%
The Cable Guy 4%
The Dead Pool 4%

First of all, it was kind of a trick question. Or at least a question subject to dual interpretations. What was the best "Jim Carrey movie" or what was the best "movie in which Jim Carrey appeared." If you ask me, each interpretation of the question should get a different answer.

If you're talking about "best movie in which Jim Carrey appeared," in my opinion that's clearly Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is one of the best movies to come out in recent years. But it's not a typical Jim Carrey movie. Sure, his performance was great, and there were flashes of the madcap, but Carrey wasn't the star. The script was the star and i was more blown away by Kate Winslet's complex performance.

The fact that 25% voted for The Truman Show is interesting. That's the movie that broke the Carrey typecast mold. Not a great film. Interesting enough to chat about for fifteen or twenty minutes during the obligatory post-movie Panda Express run, but no more than that. Still, without The Truman Show, we would have seen Nick Cage in the lead role of Eternal Sunshine. And what a mistake that would have been. i like Nick, but he couldn't have pulled off the baby under the table scene.

Funniest "Jim Carrey" Jim Carrey movie? i'm appalled that the comedy classic Ace Ventura: Pet Detective was so low on the list. Too many lines from that movie are worth memorizing and sprinkling into everyday conversation. It's also the only comedy movie i can think of with an offbeat hero, where the hero is not a bumbler of some kind. Think of the Pink Panther movies (also classics), when you have a wacky lead, he usually succeeds despite himself. In Ace Ventura, the lead is not a stereotypical lovable loser, instead he's the only one smart enough to crack the case.

Dumb and Dumber is hilarious, but except for the scene where the two of them are squirting ketchup and mustard into their mouths, i don't laugh as hard throughout as i did when i first saw it.

The Mask was just bad, never funny, and too reliant on special effects. Bruce Almighty is a one punch line movie, and i think it came in fourth on the strength of Jennifer Aniston's titties. Finally, by all rights The Dead Pool should have scored higher than The Cable Guy. Jim Carrey was great in that final installment to the Dirty Harry franchise. He played a strung out Axl Rose type rock star named Johnny Squares. This was a couple of years before In Living Color.

i was interested in that poll question not because i'm a huge Jim Carrey fan, because i'm not. i like him well enough, but what fascinates me is how a guy who everyone was so hot on in the nineties suddenly lost favor when everybody realized that he only had one act, and it got old rather quickly. He career kind of mirrored the dot-com boom/bust cycle of the nineties. Suddenly Hollywood realized he was obscenely overvalued and his career went through a "market correction." Carrey has dramatic talent and it's been interesting watching him try to re-invent himself for his last few movies.

Posted by: annika at 11:58 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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1 I'm pretty much alone in this opinion, but I think The Cable Guy was Jim Carrey's best work. It was both dark and funny. Didn't know whether to laugh or be creeped out.

Posted by: Ron at May 23, 2005 01:32 PM (N2E4z)

2 Why does every comic actor feel the need to do at least one "seemingly innocent guy who's really a creepy axe murderer" movie? For instance: Robin Williams in that one hour photo movie, Michael Keaton in Pacific Heights. i'm sure there are more examples.

Posted by: annika at May 23, 2005 02:38 PM (zAOEU)

3 Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is a guilty pleasure along with Dumb and Dumber. But I have an elegant persona to maintain so I will not admit I like those movies.

Posted by: Jake at May 23, 2005 04:58 PM (r/5D/)

4 Sorry, I didn't vote in your pool, and truthfully, I don't know how I would have answered. I probably would have had to vote twice: Once for Dumb and Dumber, because that is my all time favorite stupid comedy -- Jim Carrey at his finest being typical Jim Carrey. Another vote would have gone to Eternal Sunshine, because his performance in that is just heartbreaking -- one of my favorite performances, by anyone, in any movie, ever.

Posted by: ginger at May 23, 2005 05:42 PM (jK/kA)

5 WTFO! 1. Dumb & Dumber 2. Ace Ventura 3. The Mask (which really was good no matter what some skinny-assed blond thinks) 4. and all the rest which are unremarkable.

Posted by: Casca at May 23, 2005 05:52 PM (qBTBH)

6 Oh yeah, "Laces OUT!!!"

Posted by: Casca at May 23, 2005 05:53 PM (qBTBH)

7 Well, I liked Liar, Liar! Secretary: Joe Shmoe is on line 1. He just robbed another liquor store and needs your legal advice. Carrey (into the phone at arms length): STOP BREAKIN' THE LAW, ASSHOLE!!!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at May 23, 2005 07:11 PM (hKkrR)

8 Casca, my brother loves The Mask too. No surprise, you're both freaks.

Posted by: annika at May 23, 2005 07:24 PM (YiEf8)

9 Excuse me, but The Mask is augmented with effects like Cameron Diaz when she still looked good.

Posted by: Casca at May 23, 2005 08:26 PM (qBTBH)

10 eternal sunshine was the best, but nothing beats the scene at Medieval Times in cable guy. i start to cry when i watch that...

Posted by: scof at May 23, 2005 11:32 PM (x8hF4)

11 Nobody mentioned The Majestic, which is admittedly overwrought and painfully sentimental, but I still liked most of it.

Posted by: DBrooks at May 24, 2005 08:20 AM (w6ScD)

12 Scof - "Down, down, down! Red knight is goin' down!" That just happens to be one of my fave scenes from that movie too. I loved Eternal Sunshine, but I have to say my all-time fave would be Dumb & Dumber. It's guaranteed when I need to put something on that will make me laugh.

Posted by: Amy Bo Bamy at May 24, 2005 09:55 AM (kxatG)

13 i've been trying to get "the most annoying sound in the world" to use as my ringtone, no luck so far. nothing like a bunch of good laughs, and carrey is always reliable for that.

Posted by: scof at May 24, 2005 10:23 AM (7z8ua)

14 Who was the better idiot? Jim Carrey or Jerry Lewis? Hmmm. Wait. Better review some Three Stooges, Buster Keaton and . . . wait . . . this IS a trick question. THERE ARE NO GOOD JIM CARREY MOVIES!!! You almost had me for a minute there. :-)

Posted by: Hawkeye at May 30, 2005 09:45 AM (Hn+2k)

15 I am shocked, shocked [!] that Man on the Moon did not get any votes. Carrey channeled Andy Kaufman and was jobbed when he didn't get an Oscar nomination. (The biggest travesty since the Academy ignored Val Kilmer's performance as Doc Holliday in Tombstone.)

Posted by: Ralph Kostant at June 01, 2005 09:20 PM (lDA9f)

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This weekend, i re-rented The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, the cheesy 1981 BBC version that i used to rave about. i won't be doing that anymore. It does not hold up to a second viewing.

The fact is, i only saw it once before, many years ago, when a friend let me borrow the videotape. i was really blazed at the time. i seemed to remember thinking the low budget special effects (none) were much funnier than they actually are.

The BBC version, in fact, is pretty sucky. Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect seem gay. The chick who plays Trillian is simply annoying and unpleasant to watch, as is Zaphod Beeblebrox, who can't decide what accent to use. i wanted to strangle Marvin the depressed robot by the end of the three hours.

Zaphod Beeblebrox's extra head is comical. It moves on its own, but it looks worse than a papier mache replica. It's really bad.

i did like the little interludes when the narrator read from the Guide. These are illustrated with typical 80's videogame style graphics that seem to still work for me. The narrator delivers the funny lines with perfect deadpan timing. All the scenes on the Vogon spaceship were well done and funny too. The Vogon captain's poetry was classic.

i also detected a slight British high-brow anti-Americanism, which i hadn't noticed the first time i saw it. i'm more sensisitive to these things now. For instance, a couple of the characters spoke in caricatures of American dialects. Some guards talked like they were from Brooklyn, and Trillian sounded like a gum chewing waitress. And when Ford and Zaphod sing a death song in one of the later episodes, the melody is the Star Spangled Banner. Why is it that the Brits all know our national anthem?

That's something that has always bothered me about the British intelligentsia. They love us, yet they hate us. They act superior, yet we give them an inferiority complex. They're obsessed with us. It's kind of pathetic.

Anyways, i don't recommend the old BBC version, except to Dr. Who fans, who are all desensitized to bad sci-fi effects already.

i'm a big fan of the book, and i do plan on seeing the newest feature version. i think Douglas Adams is a modern day Swift.

Posted by: annika at 10:41 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1. Men bad. Women good.

2. Marriage bad. Career good.

3. The fifties bad. Today good.

4. Rules and standards bad. Bad bad bad.

5. Promiscuity is a virtue.

6. Marriage equals failure. Women should avoid it at all costs.

7. Unless you are chubby, then let nothing stand in the way of getting a husband.

8. If you absolutely must get married, remember that having a career at the same time is easy.

9. Have pity on those poor girls who grew up in the fifties. Chicks have it so much easier today.

10. Wellesley girls are snobby.*
_______________

* Okay, that last one wasnÂ’t sarcastic.

Posted by: annika at 08:55 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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From Coming Soon.net:

George Lucas . . . says the third and final prequel [in the Star Wars series] will not likely receive the PG rating the previous five films have received.

'I don't think I would take a five- or a six-year-old to this,' says Lucas, 'It's way too strong.'

Lucas is referring to violent scenes in the film and also to Anakin Skywalker's journey to the dark side in the climax of the 30-year-old series. 'We're going to watch him make a pact with the devil,' Lucas tells the program.

He says Skywalker will be descending into Lucas' frightening vision of Hell, a mythical planet composed entirely of erupting volcanos. 'Yes...the lava at the end...it ends in hell.'

The series went to hell when Lucas released that train wreck called Episode One.

Posted by: annika at 04:12 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Here's some movie swear word trivia.

1. Of this year's Oscar nominees for Best Picture, which one has the most swear words?


2. Which Best Picture nominee contains the fewest swear words?


3. Which Best Picture nominee contains the most f-words?


4. What movie holds the record for the most swear words of any previous Best Picture winner? Hint: It won in 1987.

Posted by: annika at 01:26 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Which animated feature should the b/f take me to see this weekend?

Posted by: annika at 07:24 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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i think i'll watch a classic movie later tonight. High Noon, starring Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly.

: )

The IMDb plot summary says: "A sheriff, personally compelled to face a returning deadly enemy, finds that his own town refuses to help him." Sounds like a metaphor for George W. Bush and the Democrats.

Sorry, i couldn't resist the political jab.

Posted by: annika at 06:31 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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This weekend, i finally saw two movies i've been anxious to see for a while. One was awesome, and the other was interesting, but flawed.

The Bourne Identity was the awesome one. i had to pick up the DVD at Best Buy, so that i will be ready to see The Bourne Supremacy next. i'm detemined not to make the same mistake i made with the Lethal Weapon series, when i failed to see number 2 before seeing number three. Seriously, you can't see those movies out of sequence because the existence of Joe Pesci and Chris Rock are not explained and do not make sense in the third one. i was totally confused throughout.

Anyways, i liked The Bourne Supremacy very much. Lots of action, well edited and shot, and Matt Damon is such a cutie. He's so much better than Ben Afflack as an actor. i don't know how they're going to sustain the first movie's interest in the sequel, because a lot of what made Identity good is that the audience knew more than the hero. We knew Bourne's identity, and it was fun to watch him trying to figure it out. Now that he knows it too, i wonder whether Supremacy will be as interesting.

i've heard that the sequel will be about Bourne's getting even. Another revenge movie, like that hasn't been done to death. Now the second movie i saw this weekend, in an actual theater no less, was The Village, by M. Night Shyamalan (or as i like to say: M. Knight Shamalamadingdong). i'd been avoiding all conversation about this movie for some time because i didn't want anyone to spoil it for me. If you haven't seen it, don't read any further because i intend to talk about the secret.

As i watched the Village, i kept wondering what the allegory was. i was totally taken in by the fairy tale quality of the story. Then they had to go and ruin it by injecting reality at the end. They turned a quite charming story into a one punch-line joke. To no good effect, i thought.

In Shyamalan's earlier movie, which i liked a lot better, the one about the kid that sees dead people, he also strung the audience along for the whole movie only to spring the joke on them at the very end. However, in that case, the joke was totally unexpected and caused me to re-think the whole plot for hours after it was over. After seeing The Village, all i did was criticize how it didn't make sense. Plus, i kind of guessed that the village was some sort of "Colonial House," so i wasn't really surprised by the twist.

Posted by: annika at 08:21 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 I won't go into details since you ahven't seen it yet, but I didn't think Supremacy was nearly as good. It just doesn't hold together as well.

Posted by: Dave J at August 09, 2004 12:34 PM (VThvo)

2 I agree w/ Dave. I really wanted to like this movie. Lots of reviewers give it a thumbs-up, and it could have been, but the director killed this movie. Hope you like Cinema Verite. Fight scenes filmed three feet away from the actors with a handheld camera. It's nauseating. Picture the scene being filmed inside an airplane bathroom and you'll have an idea of what I'm talking about. Damon was good, though a bit stiff. This may well have been intentional. The best (and by that I mean the most accurate and honest) review was found here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A7648-2004Jul22.html Unfortunately I didn't see the review until after the movie. Wait for the DVD.

Posted by: Andy at August 10, 2004 07:15 AM (bpH79)

3 Saw it a couple of weeks ago with my wife. We were well-entertained. The above-referenced "cinema verite" was not overdone, IMNSHO. Whatever you do, be sure to read the original books by Ludlum. The movies stand well by themselves, despite some really significant departures from their sources, but the novels are engrossing reads. Just what you need as a 1L ;-)

Posted by: John Lanius at August 10, 2004 08:33 AM (Hs4rn)

4 I liked Supremacy a lot, and I didn't see the first one. But I also liked the Village, mostly because I didn't have much in the way of nightmares, like I usually do. the dead people movie had me crying to sleep in fear for something like three days. not so great.

Posted by: candace at August 10, 2004 10:51 AM (ysNel)

5 You are too funny. My boyfriend also says "Shamylamadingdong."

Posted by: Amy at August 10, 2004 11:40 AM (RpVKX)

6 It's tangential but I find it amusing, so speaking of Ludlum, I couldn't help but remember the following quote from this piece in the Weekly Standard by Christopher Hitchens: I used to play two subliterary games with Salman Rushdie. The first, not that you asked, was to re-title Shakespeare plays as if they had been written by Robert Ludlum. (Rushdie, who invented the game, came up with The Elsinore Vacillation, The Dunsinane Reforestation, The Kerchief Implication, and The Rialto Sanction.)

Posted by: Dave J at August 10, 2004 02:18 PM (VThvo)

7 Hey, I call him Shamylammadingdong, too! (And I'm not Amy's boyfriend.) I didn't mind the reality intruding on the end. But I minded that he's made the "trick ending" such a device of his that you end up focusing on it. I had it figured out before the movie, then I thought, "nahhhh, it can't be that easy," then I was really getting into the movie itself, but every once in a while, I'd be like 'naaaaaahhhh, it can't be that easy." Then it was. Then I threw down my popcorn and said, "Damn you, Shamydong. Damn you to hell!"

Posted by: ken at August 10, 2004 08:32 PM (TbHM4)

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