If the mere existence of a sport can be viewed as evidence of American superiority over the rest of the world, it is soccer.

There's real football, and there's futbol. They can't even fucking spell it right.

We suck at soccer because we don't care about it. We don't care about it because it is a stupid game.

You will never ever hear me say, "It's amazing, even though the score was 0-0, I really enjoyed watching that game."

Soccer is fun to play because all you do is run around and kick a ball. Soccer is boring to watch because all they do is run around and kick a ball.

When the foreign announcers say "gooooooooooooool!!!!" we laugh. But we're not laughing with them.

Beckham is eurotrash.

When Sylvester Stallone made that movie about soccer, he had to mix in a subplot about escaping from prison or some shit like that just to make it interesting, and it still sucked. The only movie about real football that had a prison subplot is The Longest Yard. It's now considered a classic, and they didn't even escape!

Soccer is like a slow, boring version of hockey, but without the fighting, or skating, or sticks, or guys getting slammed into a wall, or any action whatsoever.

Soccer is slower and more boring than golf, only there's more scoring in golf even though golfers are all trying not to score!

Soccer is basically like watching a high school football practice. A bunch of guys running back and forth across a field for three hours. Except the guys at my high school were cuter.

I root against the U.S. because the sooner we get knocked out, the sooner I get to stop hearing idiots complain that Americans don't like soccer.

If I have to, I root for Brazil because they come closest to making the game entertaining.

Feel free to add your own.

Posted by: annika at 08:43 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Mary Katharine Ham has a great background post about two of my favorite boxers, Wladimir and Vitali Klitschko. They're much more interesting than your average boxers.

Both brothers stand over 6'6", speak four languages, and have Ph.Ds. They served in the Ukrainian army, hold helicopter pilots' licenses, and excel at chess. They are described as intelligent, charming, and well-mannered in a sport that hasn't recently put a high premium on those qualities. They sometimes catch flak for it from opponents and critics who say they're too soft for boxing-- they lack the killer instinct.

Nonetheless, the two have both been heavyweight champions--Wladimir most recently beat Chris Byrd for the title in a bout that avenged his big brother's loss of the title to the southpaw American 6 months earlier. Inside the ring, the brothers combine for a record of 70-2 with 66 KOs. (Not positive that's a current stat, so don't quote me on it; I read several different stats on that, but that's the ballpark.)

Posted by: annika at 09:47 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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