June 24, 2004

Sports Headlines You'll Never See

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SCREWED BY UMPIRE, VENUS GAGS ON SPREM


Betcha no sportspage editor would have the guts to do it.

Posted by: annika at 04:19 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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June 15, 2004

Lakers Eulogy

If the Lakers lose tonight, it will be because they did not get the ball to Shaq on every posession. Larry Brown knows that Kobe will try to take the game on his shoulders, and like last Sunday, Kobe will be triple teamed. Get the ball in to Shaq and stay in the triangle offense.

But they won't do that. Because guys like George and Medvedenko think they are good, instead of hacks, which is what they really are. They will come downcourt and throw up jumpers with 15 on the shot clock, like they always do.

If Detroit wins, much as i love my Lakers, i will have to admit that the best team did win.

Posted by: annika at 04:31 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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May 16, 2004

Fantasy Team Update

My fantasy team is still mired in 7th place, despite my latest couple of genius moves. i picked up Joe Kennedy of Colorado (hopefully he won't crash and burn*); dumped Mike MacDougal who's never fully recovered from a stomach virus and was sent down last week; i replaced Marlon Anderson at 2nd base with Orlando Hudson of the BJ's (.296-5-21), i got a good feeling about him; and i dumped middle reliever Guillermo Mota for a true closer, Billy Koch of the White Sox, which will hopefully net me more saves.

But today, perhaps you heard, Milwaukee's Ben Sheets punched out 18 batters! Yah, i got 'im! Not only that, but the only run scored against him today was a 410 foot blast by Andruw Jones. Yah, i got 'im too!

What's really holding me back in the Yahoo! league is home runs and RBIs. Thank God for my twin belters: Beltre and Beltran, both of whom i got, and both of whom have 10 homers apiece. Still, i'm waiting for Bagwell and Jones to start hitting like i know they can.


* That was in poor taste, i know.

Posted by: annika at 07:41 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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May 13, 2004

Four Tenths Of A Second!

What is it about So Cal teams and the last minute, come from behind, miracle shot?

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Amazing!

Update: Read ESPN's Page 2 column: "Livin la vida Lakers."

Posted by: annika at 09:58 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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April 21, 2004

Fantasy Baseball Tip

If you see a rookie from Asia, by all means pick him up. He'll often be ranked low and overlooked by the other league members. And he might just kick ass his first year, since no one will have any experience with him. Think Nomo and Ichiro in their rookie seasons.

This year i picked up Hee Seop Choi and Kazuo Matsui under the radar. Choi is currently tied for fourth place in the NL with 5 home runs. And he's playing for the defending champs, so i expect him to improve as the season goes on. Matsui is hitting a respectable .302 right now, although i may dump him for José Valentín pretty soon.

Posted by: annika at 12:06 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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April 18, 2004

In Which annika Ponders The Question: "Should i Succumb To Peer Pressure And Root For The Home Team?"

The Dodgers have the best record in baseball. They just finished a sweep of the San Francisco Giants, their great rivals. i caught two of the three games on TV. Each game was a one run victory. i don't think i've ever seen the Dodgers sweep a series with San Francisco, although i'm told they did it when Pac Bell opened.

Now my best friend Betty, who grew up here, is needling me to be a Dodger fan. i'm also feeling the pressure from Scof, way over there in Texas. But you know the Dodger-Giants rivalry is bigger than you or me or anyone. It's been going on for 100 years! It just might be the most heated rivalry in all of sports. It's certainly up there with the Yankees-Red Sox, the Raiders-Broncos, or even the Celtic-Rangers rivalries for longevity.

Still, i've never really been a big Giants fan. i always followed them, but i grew up in Oakland and i'm really an Athletics fan, if you wanna know the truth. i still remember vivdly one of the greatest, and most disappointing, events in all of sports history: Kirk Gibson's two strike, two out, pinch-hit walk-off homer, bottom of the ninth inning, game one of the 1988 World Series, off ace reliever Dennis Eckersley, to spur the Dodgers on to upset my A's for the World Championship.

Can i forgive them? Well, they're in different leagues, so i can conceivably root for both my A's and the Dodgers. i do like a team with history, and the Dodgers have that. So, now that i am a resident of Los Angeles, i will give it a try. And it helps, too, that i have Odalis Perez, Guillermo Mota, and Adrian Beltré on my fantasy team. Go Dodgers!

That said, there's no way they deserved to win today. How the hell do you pitch to Bonds with first base open, when he's doubled and homered already against the same pitcher? What kind of Jim Tracy brain fart was that? i could see if Gagne were on the mound, but Jeff Weaver? Come on! The Dodgers were lucky to escape with a one run win today.

Posted by: annika at 06:50 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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"U need a good ********, I need a good **** and as well as your **** I would like to give u a good ******* as well."

Don't we all?

That's a text-sex quote from David Beckham, star of the kick-ball team Real Madrid. i'm not a big kick-ball fan, but i am curious as to how Beck can accomplish those things without using his hands.

Beck is a Sinatra fan too, i see. He also cracks on Singaporean men, how rude.

Alerted to this bit of naughtiness by Breanagh McTavish.

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April 13, 2004

Behold! For a Giant yet walks the earth

i thought tonight might be an appropriate night to re-post my one and only baseball related sonnet:



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Behold! For a Giant yet walks the earth.
With shoulders of rock, striding forth he wields
Thirty-two ounce, thirty-four inches girth
Maple Excalibur, from which he deals
Four hundred foot jacks, right side of the plate
Six-sixty-one homers, five hundred base steals;
Never swings early, nor ever swings late,
Inside the box hit, outside the box wait.
He cares not for me, and cares not for you
Cares not a whit for the bat when heÂ’s through,
And straightening up, and seeing the view
Watches the ball fly until itÂ’s a dot,
And then, only then, begins he his trot
Don’t say to him “bring it” – it will be brought!



More: The very prolific Scorebard says it in haiku.

Posted by: annika at 09:41 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Green Jacket Dinner

i was so happy to see Phil Mickelson finally win a major, and in such an exciting way last Sunday. His family had a tough time last year, but he never whined about it or used it as an excuse for not winning. He seems like a really great guy.

And his favorite dish happens to be lobster ravioli. i love lobster ravioli, too. i had a great one in San Francisco last weekend. Here's a recipe i googled, from Emeril. i may give it a try someday when i'm feeling ambitious. With lobster meat, not live lobster, of course. i'm too squeamish to kill the poor things myself.

Posted by: annika at 07:24 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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March 28, 2004

annika's Secret Fantasy Baseball Player Ranking System

i can't wait for baseball season to begin. One reason is my new, as yet untested, secret fantasy baseball player ranking system. After two sub-par finishes in Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball leagues, i have decided on a more scientific approach. Okay, quasi-scientific. i don't have enough free time to develop a really scientific system.

Because i love you, i'm going to let you in on it. The system is based on the fact that the Yahoo! public leagues rely on only five offensive* stats: batting average, runs, home runs, RBIs, and stolen bases. The fantasy baseball guides out there (i'm using Lindy's) have their own ranking systems that take into account additional stats that are irrelevant to the Yahoo! leagues. Therefore i didn't think the comprehensive rankings should be trusted to pick the most useful players according to the more limited Yahoo! categories.

Another important point, of which all fantasy baseball players are aware, is that you are forced to pick players from each position category. Catchers are, by nature of their position, going to produce lower stats in the five categories, than say outfielders. Unless you get someone like Pudge, but there's only one Pudge. Still, you are forced to fill one spot on your lineup with a catcher, and there are only a few quality catchers out there.

If there are 12 teams in the league, chances are i'm not going to get Pudge. Some other fool is going to try to draft him in the first round, so i'd never put him on my list. i need to figure out a way to pick the best player with regard to the five categories, but a player that the other league members might overlook.

For example, here's how the Lindy's guide ranks catchers:

  1. Mike Piazza

  2. Javy Lopez

  3. Jorge Posada

  4. Ivan Rodriguez

  5. Mike Lieberthal

  6. Jason Varitek

  7. A.J. Pierzynski

  8. Jason Kendall

  9. Ramon Hernandez

  10. Bengie Molina

  11. Paul Lo Duca

  12. Charles Johnson

  13. Benito Santiago

  14. Jason LaRue

  15. Toby Hall
According to my quasi-scientific system, here's how i would rank the catchers:
  1. Ivan Rodriguez

  2. Jason Varitek

  3. A.J. Pierzynski

  4. Javy Lopez

  5. Jorge Posada

  6. Mike Lieberthal

  7. Jason Kendall

  8. Ramon Hernandez

  9. Benito Santiago

  10. Bengie Molina

  11. Jason LaRue

  12. Paul Lo Duca

  13. Greg Myers

  14. Charles Johnson

  15. Mike Piazza
You can see that my system drops Piazza from first to fifteenth, which might seem incredible to you. First off, i've never been a big Piazza fan. As a baseball player, he's selfish, he's not a leader, and he seems aloof and disinterested most of the time, unless somone's chucking a bat at him. As far as stats go, he just didn't do it last year. Sure, i'll admit Mike was injured and missed three months. If he returns to form, he'll probably be a great fantasy pick. But my system has no sympathy for injuries; that's the "scientific" part of my quasi-scientific system. Anyways, let the crowd go after Pudge and Piazza, i'm looking for the dark horses.

What i do first is determine the top ten players in each statistical category. i do it a little different than most statistical tables, so my list yields a few more players when there's a tie. Normally, the statistical tables will count each tied player towards the total ten in the top ten. So you'll might see numbering like: 1, 2, 3, 3, 3, 6, 7, 7, 7, 10. Since i don't care how many guys are on the list, as long as their stats are in the top ten, i won't skip over numbers like that. Thus, if there's any ties, my list would include guys who might be lower on another statistical list. Using the example above, my list might look like this: 1, 2, 3, 3, 3, 4, 5, 5, 5, 6, and so on. Using my system, the tenth player on ESPN's or Lindy's list would be the sixth player on my list in the above example.

i do this ranking for each offensive category that Yahoo! uses. This way, i can see if a player will help me in stolen bases for example, even if his sucky stats in other categories make him less desirable in non-Yahoo! leagues. i don't really care about a guy's on base percentage or his total hits, since Yahoo! doesn't use them.

Once i find the top ten stats for each category i assign a cutoff number, which is the tenth stat in the list. For instance, the tenth highest amount of runs by a catcher (using my top ten list) was 52, by Cincinatti's Jason LaRue. Then i go through the list of all players in a specific position and assign a point to any player who's stat for that category is in the top ten for other players within that position. (It does no good to rank, say catchers against outfielders on stolen bases; you'd never see a catcher in the top ten.) Therefore, i would give one point to all catchers with 52 or more runs.

Once i go through all five stats, on all players in a position, i get a number ranging from zero to five. Additionally, i'll give a break to guys who are close to the top ten in a certain category, or who did poorly due to injury, yet had a good 2002 season. Instead of a point for that particular stat, i'll give those guys a "+." If a player has a plus, he will automatically move to the top of the list for players with his 1-5 point total. For instance, Mike Piazza got only one point from my system (his batting average was in the top ten for catchers last year), but i gave him a "+" in three other categories because of his past performances. That put him at the top of all the other “one point” guys on my list.

Here's my catcher's list with my point system attached:

  1. Ivan Rodriguez (5)

  2. Jason Varitek (5)

  3. A.J. Pierzynski (4+)

  4. Javy Lopez (4)

  5. Jorge Posada (4)

  6. Mike Lieberthal (4)

  7. Jason Kendall (4)

  8. Ramon Hernandez (4)

  9. Benito Santiago (3+)

  10. Bengie Molina (3)

  11. Jason LaRue (3)

  12. Paul Lo Duca (2+)

  13. Greg Myers (2+)

  14. Charles Johnson (2)

  15. Mike Piazza (1+)
After assigning pluses, i rank guys with the same amount of annika points by their ranking according to Lindy's.

There's still some brainwork that needs to be done. That's the "quasi" part of the quasi-scientific system. For instance, what do i do with Atlanta's catchers, Eddie Perez and Johnny Estrada? Eddie is ranked higher than Johnny on my system, but Johnny is expected to be in the starting lineup this season. Obviously i'd want Johnny rather than Eddie, since he'll have more at bats. That's where my system needs some tinkering.

Another potential flaw is that my system relies on the previous year as a predictor of future performance perhaps too heavily. The sophmore slump isn’t taken into account, nor are potentially good rookies or veterans who are on the downhill side of their careers. i try to minimize this by adding or withholding a “+” when the opportunity exists.

But all in all, i think my secret system is good for identifying the dark horses among the rankings put out by the magazines and websites. It's time consuming to go through all the positions and assign points, then rank them. i've been doing it little by little for the past few weeks, during my breaks at work.

i think i'll put Jason Varitek or A.J. Pierzynski at the top of my draft list as catcher, since they seem to have been under-rated by both Lindy's and Yahoo!'s ranking systems. Actually, i had A.J. on my last two fantasy teams and he's always been good to me. Now that he's on the Giants, i have another reason to like him.

On the other hand, Varitek is a solid player on an American League team that will be a contender again next year. His power numbers are better than A.J.'s but his batting average is not as good. They each crossed the plate 63 times. Tough choice; i can't decide yet. Tune in later if you're curious. i'll post a link to my team on the sidebar, like i did last year.


* i haven't used my system for pitchers, but the same concept should probably work on them, with a few adjustments to distinguish the value of relievers as opposed to starters.

Posted by: annika at 10:43 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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March 26, 2004

Maybe It's Not Right To Laugh, But...

What makes Anna grimace?

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Besides the fact that she couldn't hack it as a pro, now there's this.

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March 20, 2004

Ha Ha Ha Roll Tide!

Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Bye bye Stanford, you were so overrated!

i love it. Oh baby, ain't second round upsets a bitch?!

Now that the season's over for him, maybe Josh Childress is free to go make the next House Party movie.

Woooo hoooo!

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February 19, 2004

The Best Sports News In Years

AstroTurf maker Southwest Recreational Industries is going out of business. Professional athletes and their knees have every right to be happy about this. As a sports purist, i believe football and baseball should be played on grass, not carpet, and i hope that no other companies sprout up to replace SRI.

Posted by: annika at 01:53 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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February 17, 2004

Sports Analogy

Howard Dean is the Dan Jansen of American politics. Remember Dan Jansen, the speed skater? He was supposed to win every race, but he kept falling down. He wouldn't quit, though.

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February 01, 2004

Did You Ever Doubt Me?

New England 32, Carolina 29. The Pats win by one field goal. i said they'd win by two. The Pats didn't cover the spread. i said they wouldn't. i told you to take the Panthers plus 7 points. i hope you did. Did you take the over? i should have told you about that too.

i am awesome!

It was actually a pretty good game, too. Good defensive play in the first half, big offensive plays in the second. i was cheering for both offenses in the fourth quarter, because i wanted my predictions to come true. My friends were looking at me funny.

When New England made that 2 point conversion, i thought i would have a push, but then Carolina tied it up and i knew i was golden. Didn't i point out that Vinatieri was going to be key? Yes, i did.

i am so awesome!

P.S. i missed the whole halftime tittie fest, since i was out on a beer run. i can't stand Janet anyway and Justin bugs me. Apparently, Zomby wasn't impressed. And Shae's blog has good coverage of the er, uncoverage.

i did catch the National Anthem and was gratified to see Beyonce sing it with grace and dignity, unlike her ass-shaking spectacular from last Fourth of July in front of General Grant's tomb.

Link thanks to Michele.

Posted by: annika at 07:39 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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My [Most Excellent] Bowl Prediction

Many people have wondered why i haven't posted my prediction for today's [Most Excellent] Bowl game. (Okay, one person wondered.) So here it is.

Carolina Panthers vs. New England Patriots. Funny, neither team represents an actual state, just a large region. New England is favored by 7 points. The field is neutral of course, since the game is being played at Reliant Stadium in Houston. But i heard somewhere that Carolina has never practiced on artificial turf until this week. That sounds funny, but if it's true could it factor in somehow?

Friday, Rush Limbaugh said the game will be close. He picked the Patriots, but didn't think they'd cover the spread. That makes it very tempting for me to predict that the Patsies will cover.

It's really not that hard of a game to handicap, though. Tom Brady, besides being just about as adorable as any football player i've ever seen, can also show flashes of greatness on the field when it counts. And don't forget that NE has Vinatieri and [Most Excellent] Bowl experience on their side.

So, i say Carolina won't roll over, but New England will pull it out by six. Therefore, take the Panthers and the 7 points, if you get the chance.

Posted by: annika at 12:29 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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January 27, 2004

Francken Chop Blocks A Heckler

Comic, and big fat idiot, Al Francken took down a heckler at a Dean rally yesterday.

'I got down low and took his legs out,' said Franken afterwards.
What's the penalty for that, fifteen yards?
Wise-cracking funnyman Al Franken yesterday body-slammed a demonstrator to the ground after the man tried to shout down Gov. Howard Dean.
Francken says he did it because he believes in free speech.
'I'm neutral in this race but I'm for freedom of speech, which means people should be able to assemble and speak without being shouted down.'
Am i the only one who sees the irony in this? Al wants to protect freedom of speech by tackling someone who tries to exercise it.

Posted by: annika at 09:22 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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