Purses and bags: NO. Our tastes are way too specific and there's too many variables involved. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can figure them all out. Same goes for shoes.
Pajamagrams, Vermont Teddy Bears or anything else advertised on late night cable tv: NO. Don't announce to your honey that you put no thought into the gift and selected it while watching re-runs of the A-Team.
Jewelry: Depends on the counter. Generally, if you can find it under glass, it's a YES. If it's hanging on a rack, give at your own risk.
Chocolate: Godiva, Sees, Dove? YES. Whitman's, Hershey's, Nestle? There better be another gift behind that one.
Flowers: Always a YES, unless they're the sole gift.
Gift Certificates: Book, record or department store certificates, NO. Everything else a MAYBE, but extra points for something out-of-the-ordinary, like an extravagant spa, a helicopter flight, horseback riding or something like that.
Useful housewares: Like a toaster or a blender? These might get you HURT. But anybody who doesn't know that probably doesn't date much anyway.
Fancy housewares: Like a set of delicate wineglasses? I'll give that a NOD.
Lingerie: A possible YES. Here's the tip. Buy what she likes, not what looks good on Adriana. How do you know what she likes? Take a look in her drawer. If you don't see anything stringy, don't buy that three-pack of thongs. When in doubt, try boy-shorts. I don't know anyone who doesn't like boy-shorts.
Wine, beer or other intoxicants: If you have a nice evening planned, YES, by all means work this in. If you're thinking bubbly, I'd go with champagne over beer though.
1
Well, back around 1998, I made a gal very happy on V-day with a swell Kate Spade bag... but most straight dudes don't know who Kate Spade is, so the advice is solid overall.
I agree completely on the sex toys and the teddy bears.
Really elegant candles (with holders) are a go too, I've found.
Posted by: Hugo at February 12, 2006 06:46 PM (Yu24L)
2
I thought the best V-Day gift was a long, slow sensual massage ending in ferocious, take-no-prisoners cunnilingus, but that's just me.
Orgasms: for women, they're the gift that keeps... (uuunnnhhh) on... (oooooooh... fuuuuuck...)
GIVIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 12, 2006 07:12 PM (TDwc6)
3
I thought the subject of "sex toys" was taboo for conservatives. And, I'd be turned off if I saw a dildo in my gf's room.
Now if y'all excuse me, I have to hide my inflatable Mohammed before company arrives...
Posted by: reagan80 at February 12, 2006 08:52 PM (BfbMq)
4
Actually, chocolate is not universally appreciated. Some women would not be pleased to receive it.
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at February 12, 2006 09:05 PM (62+YC)
5
I disappointed. Godiva is crap. So, It's a no too.
Posted by: Pursuit at February 12, 2006 09:19 PM (n/TNS)
6
Jeez Kev, that's my formula at least once a week. I have an account at the essential oils shop, and there's a guy who comes around once a month to fill my 500 gl in-ground AstroGlide tank.
Posted by: Casca at February 12, 2006 10:28 PM (2gORp)
7
Tommorrow is the day, and I have nothing. Guess I will get her a card if I have time, and I remember.
If women get Valintines day, and mothers day, and children get Christmas and all the other holidays.
We guys need a special day. How about "Steak and blow job Day"?
Posted by: kyle8 at February 13, 2006 03:48 AM (BUWVn)
8
Kyle, in my world, that's every Thursday.
Posted by: Casca at February 13, 2006 06:10 AM (y9m6I)
Posted by: Rob at February 13, 2006 07:00 AM (9DumO)
10
Luckily for me,
she likes to get her own gifts.
Posted by: tesco at February 13, 2006 07:05 AM (c0E+O)
11
i loved that commercial a couple years ago where the woman is agonizing over the card for her boyfriend and spends a long time getting that special card. shift to the guy, who grabs a card from the counter in the fast food place while picking up a six pack of beer. when he gives her the card, the woman is just so excited and grateful that he picked such a personal card, and he just smiles...men are pigs sometimes!
Posted by: tim at February 13, 2006 07:57 AM (JSetw)
12
Actually, my sweetie has very particular tastes in jewelry, and demands that any prospective gift of the same be pre-approved. I'm not complaining, though; my bank account is healthier for it.
Posted by: Matt at February 13, 2006 08:19 AM (10G2T)
13
I don't have to get anyone anything this year. I'll let that console me while the rest of you break out the astro-glide.
Posted by: Scof at February 13, 2006 12:16 PM (a3fqn)
14
I was originally going to post this:
Mmmmmmm champagne and chocolates and lacey boy shorts...
But now that I've read the comments I'm posting this instead:
Kevin, would you be my boyfriend?
Posted by: The Law Fairy at February 13, 2006 11:26 PM (954g7)
15
It's a shame my tongue doesn't stretch from Seoul to Los Angeles, Law Fairy.
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 14, 2006 01:36 AM (TDwc6)
16
You'd be sadly disappointed Kev. Law Fairy purports to be a chick.
Posted by: Casca at February 14, 2006 07:16 AM (y9m6I)
Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 14, 2006 08:56 AM (1PcL3)
18
Actually, I thought Law Fairy was a man myself.
Don't ask.
Posted by: reagan80 at February 14, 2006 09:27 AM (K9tdw)
19
Greetings Annie,
After enjoying reading this article and running it by my wife (of 30 years) I thundered out and bought the last thing that was available at the store, some godiva and a valentine's butterfinger thing. I was quite proud of myself and was told that this is like the 3rd or 4th time in the 30 years that I remembered. Sometime later my wife asked if the blog that reminded me of this said that the price tags should be taken off. I told her, "no, it didn't."
Posted by: Drake Steel at February 14, 2006 10:14 AM (jh4mE)
20
correction made Drake. Thanks.
Posted by: annika at February 14, 2006 10:40 AM (zAOEU)
21
Buying things on an artificial holiday because you're compelled to by a woman is not exactly the acme of romance. Especially when the woman is only satisfied by great expense, as if the dollar amount measures your love and personal commitment.
Posted by: Christopher Taylor at February 14, 2006 11:00 AM (1Vbso)
22
"as if the dollar amount measures your love and personal commitment."
You say that like it's not true, Chris.
; )
Posted by: annika at February 14, 2006 12:45 PM (APvel)
23
Wow. Strange how many people think I'm a man from my fake internet name. I could comment on the social implications of this tendency... but that's probably more appropriate for my blog (where, by the way, my avatar is a very feminine-looking girl with wings) than annika's
Posted by: The Law Fairy at February 14, 2006 12:59 PM (XUsiG)
24
It's worse than that LF, not just a guy, but a goat-blower.
Posted by: Casca at February 14, 2006 03:32 PM (2gORp)
25
I'm not sure I even "get" that one...
Posted by: The Law Fairy at February 14, 2006 04:30 PM (XUsiG)
26
Neither did I the first time I heard the 1st Sgt say it. In fact he had to repeat himself three times, and finally in frustration reverted to a few more common, yet not necessarily descriptive colloquialisms. "Fairy" would have been a mild one of those.
Posted by: Casca at February 15, 2006 06:40 AM (y9m6I)
27
St. Valentines Day is no big deal. My dear wife of almost 17 years gets the same thing every year.
Two boxes of Elmer's Chocolates (sold at Walmart, its her favorite).
A potted plant (tulips, or some other bulb that she can eventually transplant into the garden.
A funny card. She claims my sense of humor is what attracted me to her originally so I try and go with what got me here. I usually try and write something mushy in it.
Lunch together. This is a small town with limited restaurants that are way to crowded on special nights.
I get the lunch, candy and a card.
We prefer to spend St. Valentines Day ruining each other's diets. Telling her I love her is what the other 364 days of the year are for. But I usually sneak one in sometimes during the day anyway.
Posted by: David at February 15, 2006 10:55 PM (auHyx)
28
Annika,
I wished my mate read your column prior to
V-Day, as he showed up with GODIVA choclotaes, knowing that I am dairy intolerate, no flowers, no card, a bag of chips, and a cheap bottle of wine. I had all these presents, plans of sexual excitement, a special card and made the dinner reservations. Needless to say the party was
over so no blow job or sex. Prior years were thong underwear and a funny card, next was flowers only. Get a clue guys! I agree with you Kevin, but we need to hear I LOVE YOU TOO!
Posted by: shelly at February 16, 2006 09:30 AM (0nDEs)
29
All that, and a bag of chips too?
Posted by: annika at February 16, 2006 08:24 PM (fxTDF)
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