November 27, 2005

A Weird Dream i Had

Remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry wrote down a joke he dreamed up in the middle of the night? Then he couldn't read what he had written and when he finally figured it out, it wasn't funny at all. That happens to me too.

cruisedream.jpgLike last night, for instance. i had this dream about a new Tom Cruise movie called The Last Chiropractor. The promo was something like:

[cue announcer's voice]

Years of sleeping on Japanese bamboo mats have led Tom Cruise to his greatest role as...

...The Last Chiropractor!

[cue Tom Cruise's voice]

"You don't know the history of myofascial release therapy, I DO!"

[cue announcer's voice]

In the face of musculoligamentous sprain/strain...

In the sacroiliac of One Man...

Lies the Soul of a Warrior.

Once he risked his life for honor and country, but now his world has changed. Subluxation has replaced full cervical range of motion, and in the place of freedom and valor, he only finds chronic radiating pain, especially at levels C5-6 and L5-S1.

Thrust now into harsh and unfamiliar territory, with his life and perhaps more important, his spine, in the balance, the troubled American soldier finds himself at the center of a violent and epic struggle between the soft tissues of his neck and back, with only his sense of honor and a thorough knowledge of flexion/distraction technique to guide him.

Tom Cruise is...

...The Last Chiropractor!

Crazy huh? i'm telling you, i really did have a dream about that shit.

Posted by: annika at 10:45 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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November 18, 2005

Happy Birthday Harriet (The Interview)

You may have read about this. Harriet the turtle, the world's oldest living animal, turned 175 on Tuesday.

What an incredible accomplishment, when you think about it. Harriet must have an amazing perspective on the world and history, because she's seen it all.

Harriet watched the industrial revolution happen, the rise of nationalism and the Revolutions of 1848. She must have followed the American Civil War with interest. Was she worried when she heard about the Russian Revolution? Did she think Hitler might really take over the world? Imagine her relief when Imperial Japan was turned away from Australian shores, or when the Cold War ended.

What would Harriet say about global warming? Were there any el ninos when she was a little girl on Galapagos? What was Charles Darwin like? Was he a talkative man? Did he believe in God? What are her opinions on the art movements she's seen come and go: romanticism, impressionism, expressionism, dadaism, surrealism, cubism, modernism, post-modernism and even post-post-modernism?

Does Harriet have any plans for the next 175 years? i hear she's in good health. Is she optimistic about her future, or ours? Is Steve Irwin a goofball all the time, or is that just an act?

There's so many questions i could ask Harriet, i decided to see if i could track her down via the magic of the internet. What follows is the exclusive annika's journal interview i tried to conduct with Harriet in a Yahoo! chatroom. Unfortunately i wasn't able to keep her online very long, but you know how it is in chatrooms. more...

Posted by: annika at 04:36 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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November 05, 2005

Dateline NBC

i hope you saw Dateline NBC last night. If the subject matter wasn't so disturbing and serious, i'd say it was one of the funniest hours of television ever.

Basically, NBC's Chris Hansen did an elaborate sting operation to catch child predators, who try to hook up with kids over the internet. They arranged for the predators to meet the "kids" at a house, then they filmed Hansen confronting the sickos.

Freakin funnier than shit.

One of the dudes was a doctor, and another was a rabbi who worked with kids! The rabbi at least dressed up for his date, but one dude showed up naked. That was the funniest scene. The creep was waiting butt naked on a stool in the kitchen, thinking a 13 year old boy was about to come downstairs. Then Chris Hansen walks out and he's all "'sup freak, here's a towel." And the dude's like "whaaaaa?" It was great.

It got better. 12 hours after that perv was totally humiliated on camera, he was back on the internet, and got stung again. He went to meet another fake kid at a McDonald's the very next day and there was Hansen, shaking his head. The guy was like, "dude, i was just getting something to eat." Then later he's all "Yeah, I got a problem. I'm seeing a shrink."

By the time they were done, Dateline caught 19 perverts in this sting operation, and the DA is looking into it. Hopefully they'll all land in jail. Too bad they didn't catch them in Vegas though, because i think the mayor there would have some ideas on an appropriate punishment. Have you heard what he wants to do to taggers?

Posted by: annika at 12:04 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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