Hey, i just heard that Bono is planning to have a big concert to end world poverty. i think that's a great idea. All these bands are going to participate. i hope they can do it, becuz poverty is a bad thing. Lots of money should do the trick. Yay Bono.

They're going to call it Live-8. It's kind of a reference to Live-Aid, which was the name of that concert that ended world hunger back in the eighties.

Anybody know when this big concert is going to happen? i don't want to miss it.

Posted by: annika at 09:41 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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i'd like to take this opportunity to thank Fox News for their 72 hour round-the-clock coverage of the Aruba and Montana abduction stories. i wonder when they will change their name to the "Freako Crime News Network?"

i don't know what is more scintillating television, the panel discussions where "journalists" psychoanalyze the freako perpetrators ad nauseam, or the remote updates from the van der Sloot compound every fifteen minutes.

It's not like there might be some other things going on in the world right now. i mean, come on. i had to watch CNN! i will watch CNN if i have to, but i never feel good about doing it.

MSNBC is out of the question. But Atlas is right. Fox News is becoming unwatchable.

Posted by: annika at 07:11 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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And i don't mean idiot in the sense of a person with whom i have a disagreement.

i mean literally, an idiot, a person of subnormal intelligence, slow-witted, an imbecile, a moron, a cretin, affected by a profound mental retardation.

Stupid.

i want to post in full this exchange between Nancy Pulaski and a reporter, reprinted by The Corner, so i can refer back to it whenever i need a good laugh.

Reporter: Later this morning, many Members of the House Republican leadership, along with John Cornyn from the Senate, are holding a news conference on eminent domain, the decision of the Supreme Court the other day, and they are going to offer legislation that would restrict it, prohibiting federal funds from being used in such a manner.

Two questions. What was your reaction to the Supreme Court decision on this topic, and what do you think about legislation to, in the minds of opponents at least, remedy or changing it?

Ms. Pelosi: As a Member of Congress, and actually all of us and anyone who holds a public office in our country, we take an oath of office to uphold the Constitution of the United States. Very central to that in that Constitution is the separation of powers. I believe that whatever you think about a particular decision of the Supreme Court, and I certainly have been in disagreement with them on many occasions, it is not appropriate for the Congress to say we're going to withhold funds for the Court because we don't like a decision.

Reporter: Not on the Court, withhold funds from the eminent domain purchases that wouldn't involve public use. I apologize if I framed the question poorly. It wouldn't be withholding federal funds from the Court, but withhold Federal funds from eminent domain type purchases that are not just involved in public good.

Ms. Pelosi: Again, without focusing on the actual decision, just to say that when you withhold funds from enforcing a decision of the Supreme Court you are, in fact, nullifying a decision of the Supreme Court. This is in violation of the respect for separation of church -- powers in our Constitution, church and state as well. Sometimes the Republicans have a problem with that as well. But forgive my digression.

So the answer to your question is, I would oppose any legislation that says we would withhold funds for the enforcement of any decision of the Supreme Court no matter how opposed I am to that decision. And I'm not saying that I'm opposed to this decision, I'm just saying in general.

Reporter: Could you talk about this decision? What you think of it?

Ms. Pelosi: It is a decision of the Supreme Court. If Congress wants to change it, it will require legislation of a level of a constitutional amendment. So this is almost as if God has spoken. It's an elementary discussion now. They have made the decision.

Reporter: Do you think it is appropriate for municipalities to be able to use eminent domain to take land for economic development?

Ms. Pelosi: The Supreme Court has decided, knowing the particulars of this case, that that was appropriate, and so I would support that.

If i wasn't so disgusted by Pelosi, and the fact that the House Democrats consider her fit to be their leader, i would almost feel sorry for her. She's so completely in over her head, it's a joke.

Posted by: annika at 06:50 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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The Maximum Leader has written off Scarborough Country for good, vowing never to watch the show again. That apparently leaves Joe Scarborough's mom as the only viewer left.

The reason cited by the Maximum Leader was an eyebrow raising statement by the former congressman, or mayor, or whatever, regarding the recent spate of shark attacks in Florida. He apparently implied that the source of these shark attacks was the difference between human and shark "cultures."

Perhaps he might consider interviewing Greg Norman for more insight into this theory, i don't know. Maybe Jerry Tarkanian is available for a remote, it's worth a try.

Freaking idiot.

Anyways, Maximum Leader had this to say in response:

Great jeezey chreezey. Somehow it is comforting to know that if only we would bother to translate the literature of the shark, we could avoid sharks attacking humans. We should feel guilty for not knowing the intricacies of shark interpretive dance. There would never be another shark on human attack if we could marvel at the splendor of the great underwater shark cities and grow to know their ancient history. Shark feeding frenzies off the beaches would be harmful only to baitfish if we could read the poetry of the shark Maya Angelou or ponder the profundity of the shark Plato.

Of course, it is partially the fault of the sharks. Have they bothered to understand our culture? Have they read Faulkner, Tolstoy, or Hardy? Do they know the tales of Hemmingway? (Okay, scratch Hemmingway...) Have they seen the pyramids?

. . .

Understand shark culture.... What a friggin' idiot.

[Oh btw, ML, i like how you've taken to using my subtle misspelling trick on Ernest Hemingway's name. Or perhaps you meant to type Herringway. ba-dum-bump.]

Posted by: annika at 06:49 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Mass murdering dictators can have good taste in snack items.

Who knew?

Unfortunately, any sympathy he might have gotten from me by sharing my favorite junk food obsession, he relinquished by calling Dan Rather "a good guy."

But also, Saddam apparently likes to relax in prison by writing poetry among other things. i'm terribly curious to read his poetry, but i imagine it will be a long time before i see any of it published.

So in the interim, i've written a haiku that, while it was not written by the Butcher of Baghdad, i could imagine him having written something very similar during a reflective moment behind bars.

homburg on my head
twelve gauge at my hip goes POW!
good times, bro, good times...

Posted by: annika at 12:01 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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...is to invent an outlandish freaky religion that will appeal to gullible mindless celebrities and wacky baby-boomers. Whatever i come up with can't possibly be more stupid than the bullshit Tom Cruise and the rest of his ilk believe in: dinosaurs from outer space or some such shit.

More later, after i've ruminated on the central tenets of my new religion. Any suggestions for a name will be considered, if they are accompanied by a substantial tithe and a pledge to secrecy.

(Secrecy will be a central tenet, i have decided.)

Update: Here are the central tenets of my new religion, which i have decided to call Practology.

1. i am the leader of this new religion. Not a god, but just the leader. Therefore, all donations should go to me. Great favor will be bestowed on anyone who donates to my new religion.

2. This religion takes no position on matters of morality. Basically that means you can do whatever the fuck you want, and it's cool. i discovered that this was one of the main attractions for adherents of the crazy yoga cult that my ex belonged to.

3. Chocolate will play some important role in this new religion, albeit vaguely.

4. The number eight will also have some vague significance.

5. In accordance with tenet four, all adherents to this new religion will be required to utilize the base eight counting system.

6. Also, all adherents to this new religion shall be required to say "utilize," when the verb "use" would do just as well.

7. Secrecy.

10. Singing songs will be encouraged, but only in private.

A word about the name. Practology comes from the Sanskrit root Pract-, which means "to bow down to," and -ology, which is an untranslatable Ojibway phrase meaning "great bird that shits while flying." Thus, Practology, which is distinguished from the unrelated medical specialty by pronounciation and capitalization.

One more thing. All adherents should ignore and deny the fact that i freely admit this is a made up religion. If it doesn't matter to Tom Cruise that his religion's creator was a science fiction writer, it shouldn't matter to anyone that i am sometimes being facetious.

Posted by: annika at 03:13 PM | Comments (36) | Add Comment
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1 Whatever you come up with, try to keep it rational. No one coming back from the dead, no sexless births, and no eating your god once a week. Some things just won't fly.

Posted by: The Owner's Manual at June 15, 2005 04:35 PM (MBfp4)

2 Religious cults started by charismatic leaders all use sex as the glue that holds them together. There are no exceptions to this rule. Where do I sign up, Holy Goddess of the North?

Posted by: Jake at June 15, 2005 04:37 PM (r/5D/)

3 I could be wrong, but I think you may have started something you can't stop Annie.

Posted by: Pursuit at June 15, 2005 07:09 PM (VqIuy)

4 "Great favor will be bestowed on anyone who donates to my new religion" And I thought you were trying to save the world. My advice is to skinny your message down to what Reverend Ike preaches on the radio: "Send me money ($10 minimum please) and God will return to you ten times your gift. The more money you send me the more money God will give you." Of course, you can convince more people to send you money if you are a charismatic leader.

Posted by: Jake at June 15, 2005 07:47 PM (r/5D/)

5 Correction Jake: Religious cults started by charismatic leaders all utilize sex. This religion may face an early challenge by the fact that there is no 69 in base eight. In France this might become an huge problem. Could some other number system be utilized?

Posted by: d-rod at June 15, 2005 08:37 PM (t0sbc)

6 Yogi Berra was #8 - you should make provision for some to go into training to be Yogis(If they fail the training, they can be Boo-Boos). Leave the Yogi requirements vague, so only you can decide when a lucky learner/trainee has progressed to the exalted Yogi level. Maybe the training should involve raising oodles of money for you, as only a really enlightened Yogi can accomplish such a task. Also, as a Bible-Belt Christian with some deadly serious tent revivals notched on my belt, I'm taking the liberty of tweaking Jake's terminology just a smidge: "God will return financial blessings: worth ten/twenty/one hundred/two hundred times the amount donated, and/or 'beyond anything you have dreamed of'(b/c God dreams bigger for you than you dream for yourself)."

Posted by: gcotharn at June 15, 2005 08:43 PM (U/NfN)

7 Maybe the religion could extol the flexible possibilities of the numeral 88.

Posted by: gcotharn at June 15, 2005 08:47 PM (U/NfN)

8 Annika, Perhaps "practology" can incorporate some of the methods of prOctology?

Posted by: Mark Practologist at June 15, 2005 08:53 PM (9JCLk)

9 Sounds like you've been reading The 48 Laws of Power, A. Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim at June 15, 2005 11:10 PM (1PcL3)

10 I think your religion should also consider the DH to be the Antichrist. Or AntiAnnie. Howzabout AntiAmerican? (The DH is the Anti-something, for God's sake!) Making anyone who wears the number 88 (like, say, Eric Lindros) an Antichrist works for me.

Posted by: Victor and his seventeen pet rats at June 16, 2005 05:51 AM (L3qPK)

11 You forgot to say how much it costs. A good fake religion has to be high priced to convince the marks it has worth.

Posted by: Wolf at June 16, 2005 06:17 AM (vbP6L)

12 This may be apocryphal, but one is reminded that Scientology actually is supposed to have had its actual origins in a bet that L. Ron Hubbard had with Robert Heinlein, namely that he could get insanely rich by making up a new religion. He obviously won.

Posted by: Dave J at June 16, 2005 06:40 AM (WV4/D)

13 Dave, that's a new one on me. The Heinlein angle, that is. Where did you hear that?

Posted by: Victor at June 16, 2005 06:51 AM (L3qPK)

14 I think chocolate ought to be incorporated into the very heart of the faith, actually. All great religions have communal meals. Practologists ought to practice open table fellowship with Belgian chocolates. Perhaps even the initiation ritual could utilize chocolate effectively?

Posted by: Hugo at June 16, 2005 07:52 AM (2bqBq)

15 Victor, I don't know where I first heard it and, as I said, it may not be true, just one of those things that "they" say. A quick Googling of "Heinlein Hubbard bet scientology" brings up disputes over whether or not it's an urban legend, but if so it's still certainly a pretty believable one. Hugo, add Belgian beer to the Belgian chocolate and I'm ready to convert. ;-)

Posted by: Dave J at June 16, 2005 08:56 AM (WV4/D)

16 So when does Annikanetics come out? I can set up a book table in Times Square subway. And HELLLLLLOOOOOO people. We need a ribbon of some color here? Get with the program. Obviously your cult religion needs a marketing/pr person. I've been toying with the idea of stepping down from the my God role in the ten-year-old faith of Kenism, so I'd be willing to be your marketing director ... as long as I get first dibs on the 17-year-olds.

Posted by: ken at June 16, 2005 09:37 AM (xD5ND)

17 i think it better to use some variation of annika in the naming. sorry. i think it better to utilize some variation of annika in the naming. it is after all, all about you and your worship, after all. annikanetics is a good one. annieology would be good. annology would be good also. to use sex in some manner...... sorry. to utilize sex in some manner is a must. i would propose a total vow of celibacy for any and all members. you heard right. no boinking at all or in any manner. that way, when you are found out to be a nympho, and have had your way with any/all, the headlines you will get. oh, just think of the headlines. to use free publicity is a must. sorry. to utilize free publicity is a must. other than that........... don't go there. don't go there. i'm telling you....... don't go there.

Posted by: louielouie at June 16, 2005 10:23 AM (xKfMm)

18 May I make a motion that we annoint our divine leader a saint. Heck, the French made Joan of Arc a saint. I don't know if annology requires a miracle be performed prior to sainthood.

Posted by: d-rod at June 16, 2005 04:42 PM (CSRmO)

19 Something crucial is missing: You need a kick-ass religion creation/origination story, or no one will believe in your religion. Moses bringing down the tablets. Jesus rising from the dead. Muhammed communing with Allah. Brigham Young hanging with God in the desert. Maybe you went into a chocolate-induced ecstatic state, and saw a vision of pure light, and it spoke to you about the practical and ologically vague aspects of existence - such as every action being a moral action, but you can't say more b/c its a secret, natch. Maybe you almost went to the desert or the mountains for your ecstatic experience, but doing so was impractical(maybe you were lead by an unseen hand to stay in the city). Whatever your ecstatic experience was, give serious thought to how you will reveal it. A believable creation/origination story is crucial to Practology's success.

Posted by: gcotharn at June 16, 2005 10:11 PM (U/NfN)

20 of course, if this religion was Proctology, you could've just pulled it out of your ass.

Posted by: gcotharn at June 16, 2005 10:13 PM (U/NfN)

21 Given tenents #2 and #3, together with the suggestion that chocolate play some role in the initiation ceremony, I can think of a few creative uses for chocolate syrup for said ceremony... The suggestion about celibacy is a good one, at least for initiates. But sex must be a big part of the priesthood, and the higher one rises in the ranks, the more doors open to wild and uninhibited sexual expression. (Now THERE's an incentive!) Of course this must necessarily mean that only the innermost circle gets to boink Annika herself.

Posted by: Desert Cat at June 16, 2005 10:22 PM (xdX36)

22 "But sex must be a big part of the priesthood, and the higher one rises in the ranks, the more doors open to wild and uninhibited sexual expression." The higher one rises is always linked to better sex. Therefore initiation into the priesthood should involve some sort of casting couch, or at the least the mastering of some "8th way" position. But such a thing might involve incredible contortions, so perhaps we could just be encouraged to watch the Simpsons instead. After all, Homer, who I assume was a great influence on our leader, once said that a man must walk down 8 roads to become a man. 8 roads my friends. 8 roads. 8.

Posted by: scof at June 17, 2005 01:48 AM (x8hF4)

23 Dave, to me it's unbelievable for one reason: Heinlein had a well-documented intolerance for fools and Hubbard was a fool of the highest order. The more widely accepted story is Hubbard said/wrote it at one time then decided to put it into practice, and that makes more sense to me. No need for a bet (especially since Heinlein probably agreed with the statement, if not the author), and something so simple (and evidently true) has been said by others. George Orwell wrote the same thing at one time--it's well-documented as a preserved personal letter from Orwell. Heinlein, as well, had a pretty well-documented personal distaste for organized religion and I believe he discussed the religion/money making angle in Stranger in a Strange Land (I concede that book was written well after Dianetics but any coincidence should be taken as such--coincidence. No one has claimed the Steve Martin movie Leap of Faith was based on Hubbard's quote, and it definitely involves religion as a money-making scheme). I suspect the Heinlein/Hubbard bet is an urban legend, and I'm disinclined to believe it. If you think about it, it has all the hallmarks of an urban legend: Take a fact, exagerate it slightly, optionally throw a celebrity into the mix for good measure. For an example, see the urban legend about Hanoi Jane turning POW notes over to the VC. Sorry, annie, didn't mean to go all OT on you. Heinlein is one of my hot buttons.

Posted by: Victor at June 17, 2005 07:14 AM (L3qPK)

24 I did my part to promote Practology. Heck, I just want to get in on the ground floor of this new religion/Ponzi scheme.

Posted by: Micah at June 17, 2005 07:44 AM (v/oTo)

25 You guys have all gone fucking nuts. Annie, what have you done? I'm pretty sure that law school hasa permantly altered your mind.

Posted by: shelly at June 18, 2005 04:01 AM (pO1tP)

26 So is the sacred book is the Annikible, Annikorah, or Annikoran?

Posted by: MarkD at June 18, 2005 06:29 AM (nQAo8)

27 lol. the sacred book is called "annika's journal!"

Posted by: annie at June 18, 2005 09:51 AM (fpito)

28 You guys have all gone fucking nuts. gone??????? what do you mean by that?

Posted by: louielouie at June 18, 2005 10:27 AM (xKfMm)

29 And bored me to tears. Well, OK, gas pains.

Posted by: Casca at June 18, 2005 12:58 PM (qBTBH)

30 O.K. ARE fucking nuts. Get a life.

Posted by: shelly at June 18, 2005 01:06 PM (pO1tP)

31 Shelly is an unbeliever! So what's the penalty for unbelieving? Their IP gets banned?

Posted by: Victor at June 18, 2005 01:52 PM (gCsDB)

32 Purgatory! A life without chocolate OR sex!

Posted by: Desert Cat at June 18, 2005 11:15 PM (xdX36)

33 Desert Cat: Your post is oxymoronic, which is further proof of my previous post. Life without sex or chocolate? hell, I'm already there. On the other hand, Purgatory is just a temporary state; see below: Definition: Purgatory According to Roman Catholic doctrine, purgatory is a place or condition of temporary punishment meant to cleanse those destined for heaven but not quite ready for it. According to this doctrine, faith in Christ and acceptance of his saving grace gains one forgiveness for their sins, but not release from the punishment due for them. Thus in purgatory one is purged of their imperfections, much as silver in the fire sheds its impurities.

Posted by: shelly at June 19, 2005 02:55 AM (pO1tP)

34 I believe the Annikible would suggest that Shelly, who is a man, may possibly be released from purgatory by asking forgiveness and accepting grace and nector from the divine one. I'm not sure I'm close enough to the inner circle though to be delivering reliable information on the sacred text so maybe hookers are allowed.

Posted by: d-rod at June 19, 2005 07:01 AM (cfe8u)

35 On the other hand, Purgatory is just a temporary state; see below: Nothing says a change of heart can't rectify the situation. Truly though, your state is a pitiable one, as you are living your hell as we speak. Repent! and be baptized in the font of chocolate syrup, after which the tongues of a thousand angels will lick you clean, and you shall be whiter than snow!

Posted by: Desert Cat at June 19, 2005 10:45 PM (xdX36)

36 The color of any ribbon should be puce. How can chocolate ever have only a "vague" role in anything? And re Heinlein/Hubbard: It wasn't a bet. Heinlein used to, at roughly ten year intervals, collect a set of his past writings and commentaries, assemble them into one volume, and publish them with additional, updated commentary. In one of those he recounts discussing organized religion with Hubbard, and saying that an organized religion was the closest thing to a perfect racket: People give you money, and the government can't touch you. Hubbard, reportedly, went, "Hmm." In later years, Hubbard wrote "Dianetics" and Heinlein wrote "Stranger in a Strange Land." For myself, I prefer the later. (And no, I can't cite the source 'cuz all my books -- Heinlein included -- are in storage. Some day....)

Posted by: bob at June 20, 2005 08:07 PM (CzckL)

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There's a lot we don't know about that runaway bride from Atlanta. More will come out in the next few weeks, and i'll bet you, say $80,000, that her little trip involved a dude in a black Trans-Am. The clue is right there in the song:

The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana.
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes.

She was westbound and down. Seriously, i'm tellin' you there was a dude involved that we haven't heard about yet.

More: "US, Italy Disagree On Runaway Bride"

Update: i was right.

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Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set "M." Set "C," the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit is $60?

[Hard Law Firms, Soft Law Schools, 83 N.C. L. Rev. 667, fn. 12]

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Apparently, journalism schools are now teaching their students that when they don't know something, just make shit up.

Listening to KCRA Channel 3's morning newscast in Sacramento, i was appalled to hear the news bimbo say that the Pope was given his "ring and woman's shawl" at this morning's installment ceremony.

It's called a stole, you idiot! Not common knowledge certainly, but a few seconds of research would have helped you avoid sounding like a complete ass.

"Woman's shawl?" Why not just say "shawl" if you didn't know what it was? If you're gonna make shit up, why not just say they gave him a ceremonial cigar too? Or that they passed around the ceremonial beer at mass?

i tell ya. It's near impossible to watch the news anymore.

Update: Okay, maybe i mis-heard it. She might have said "woolen" shawl. But still. How about a little enunciation?

Update 2: A little more than a few seconds of research revealed that i was wrong too. The stole is more properly called a Pallium, and Benedict spoke about its significance in this morning's homily.

The first symbol is the Pallium, woven in pure wool, which will be placed on my shoulders. This ancient sign, which the Bishops of Rome have worn since the fourth century, may be considered an image of the yoke of Christ, which the Bishop of this City, the Servant of the Servants of God, takes upon his shoulders. Gods yoke is Gods will, which we accept. And this will does not weigh down on us, oppressing us and taking away our freedom. To know what God wants, to know where the path of life is found this was Israel's joy, this was her great privilege. It is also our joy: Gods will does not alienate us, it purifies us even if this can be painful and so it leads us to ourselves. In this way, we serve not only him, but the salvation of the whole world, of all history.

The symbolism of the Pallium is even more concrete: the lambs wool is meant to represent the lost, sick or weak sheep which the shepherd places on his shoulders and carries to the waters of life. For the Fathers of the Church, the parable of the lost sheep, which the shepherd seeks in the desert, was an image of the mystery of Christ and the Church. The human race every one of us is the sheep lost in the desert which no longer knows the way. The Son of God will not let this happen; he cannot abandon humanity in so wretched a condition. He leaps to his feet and abandons the glory of heaven, in order to go in search of the sheep and pursue it, all the way to the Cross. He takes it upon his shoulders and carries our humanity; he carries us all he is the good shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep. What the Pallium indicates first and foremost is that we are all carried by Christ. But at the same time it invites us to carry one another. Hence the Pallium becomes a symbol of the shepherds mission, of which the Second Reading and the Gospel speak.

. . .

One of the basic characteristics of a shepherd must be to love the people entrusted to him, even as he loves Christ whom he serves. 'Feed my sheep,' says Christ to Peter, and now, at this moment, he says it to me as well. Feeding means loving, and loving also means being ready to suffer. Loving means giving the sheep what is truly good, the nourishment of Gods truth, of Gods word, the nourishment of his presence, which he gives us in the Blessed Sacrament. My dear friends at this moment I can only say: pray for me, that I may learn to love the Lord more and more. Pray for me, that I may learn to love his flock more and more in other words, you, the holy Church, each one of you and all of you together. Pray for me, that I may not flee for fear of the wolves. Let us pray for one another, that the Lord will carry us and that we will learn to carry one another.

I greet with great joy and gratitude all of you gathered here. . . . With great affection I also greet all those who have been reborn in the sacrament of Baptism but are not yet in full communion with us; and you, my brothers and sisters of the Jewish people, to whom we are joined by a great shared spiritual heritage, one rooted in God's irrevocable promises. Finally, like a wave gathering force, my thoughts go out to all men and women of today, to believers and nonbelievers alike.

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How is it that Ryan Seacrest got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and Joe Don Baker hasn't yet?

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*click*

Bimbo Interview Chick: "Kay you guys, so who do you think is like your greatest musical influence?"

Teenage Hipster Band Member: "I guess Led Zeppelin." (Pointing to the Led Zeppelin t-shirt he is wearing.) "Yeah, Led Zeppelin."

Bimbo Interview Chick: "Kay, Led Zeppelin. And why do you think he is such a big influence on you?"

*click*

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For some odd reason, i'm getting IMs and comments from people who think i am Lindsay Lohan. It's all due to that humorous piece i did a few weeks back. My guess is that it's attracting google hits and of course Lindsay Lohan fans are not the swiftest bananas in the bunch. i got this french guy sending me IMs in french every day. i have no idea what he's saying but tonight he says, in English: "you are Lindsay Lohan."

Well, i'm not, but i'm willing to pretend if it will fuck with a Frenchie's head for shits and giggles. Ha-ha.

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Speaking of time travellers, this story via Reuters:

A Czech tractor driver died under eight tons of manure in a bizarre accident that has baffled his employers, local media reported.

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Well, this story leaves out the most important detail.

Any ideas?

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ABC News continues to outrage me. They're vying for the bottom of the journalistic heap in my book, apparently jealous of CNN and CBS.

Today's misleading web headline disgusted me:

Schindlers, Kevorkian Discuss Schiavo Case

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Pollhost censored my poll again. i admit that the Modesto poll was lame, but come on. The only objectionable word in it was meth. It's not like i was encouraging drug use by making fun of Modesto as the meth capital of the San Joaquin Valley. i'm going to have to get used to Pollhost's new zero tolerance approach to anything that in any way might possibly cause someone to raise the slightest objection.

Fuck.

Okay so i got a new poll, go vote in it.

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Petula Clark once sang:

Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'.

Don't stand in the pouring rain.

Don't eat in Cheyenne, Wyoming.

Spit that out in the dentist's drain.

Posted by: annika at 01:54 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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By juxtaposing these two photographs, i intend to make no commentary except to point out an uncanny resemblance.

What's up with that?

As they say on Cops, all parties are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

Posted by: annika at 09:17 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.

LaDonna Davis: "...and then he chomped off my thumb..."

Charlie Gibson: "...you knew right away he was attacking..."

Me: "...Duuuh..."

LaDonna Davis: "...we tried to reason with them..."

Me: "...Duuuh..."

LaDonna Davis: "...I don't know where his thoughts were coming from..."

Me: "...Duuuh..."

LaDonna Davis: "...Everybody's an individual, you have to look for the good. Every being, every animal's an individual..."

Me: "...it's a fucking chimp, dude..."

Posted by: annika at 07:41 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 87 words, total size 1 kb.

Always pushing the envelope of efficiency.

Posted by: annika at 12:33 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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