Isn't this how the Planet of the Apes began?

Two people were seriously injured and two chimpanzees were shot dead today in Kern County after several chimps broke from their cages at an animal sanctuary and attacked workers.

. . .

Animal Haven employees shot and killed two of the escaped chimpanzees, but two other chimps remain on the loose. Officials say it is unclear how the animals escaped from their cages.

Those chimps could be anywhere by now. Especially if they hijack a car. Be careful out there, and don't trust them treacherous chimps. Frank J. is right. They'll kill you, first chance they get.

Update: We can all breathe easier, the fugitive simians have been recaptured.

Those apes are animals. Literally.

KGET-TV of Bakersfield said the man and woman were at the Animal Haven Ranch to celebrate the birthday of Moe, which was not involved in today's attack.

After the couple arrived with a cake, two other chimpanzees - named Buddy and Ollie - went for the visitors.

Dr Maureen Martin, of Kern Medical Centre, said the apes had chewed most of the man's face off and that he would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose.

LaDonna Davis suffered a bite wound to the hand.

Buddy and Ollie were shot and killed. Two other chimps which had also escaped were recaptured - one was cornered three kilometres from the sanctuary, 137kms north of downtown Los Angeles.

Update: i hadn't heard about the dude's nuts getting eaten, until OC Chuck and Papertiger's comments. Ouch. Since both of the above links seem to be broken, here's the ABC News story.

Posted by: annika at 11:30 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Audrey:

In the end those of us that walk away winning win more than just a loss.

You just lost babe. That made no sense whatsoever.

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i think i speak for all of us when i say i'm truly relieved it's finally over.

Still, you'd think someone would have stamped this shit out sooner.

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Am i the only one who was uncomfortable seeing a dancing midget onstage during the halftime show of the NBA All Star Game?

Wasn't that a bit insensitive, given that basketball is a sport that celebrates height more than any other human endeavor?

i mean, that was worse even than LeAnn Rimes' trashy outfit. What was up with that, anyway?

Update: Even though hardly anybody watched the game, and fewer still probably stuck around for the halftime show, i wasn't the only blogger who noticed the dancing midget.

Nasal Passages had this to say:

Ummmmmmmmmm, so at the half time of the NBA All-Star Game they have some "entertainment." LeeAnn Rimes was cute and her song, while very boring, wasn't bad. But right now there's this band on called "Big and Rich" and, well, they suck! What REALLY sucks about them is they have a little person on stage with them wearing a fuzzy orange hat and dancing with his two canes. Does a midget make for an entertaining half time show?? I think not. It's just all really disturbing....REALLY disturbing!!

But Marti was distinctly pro-midget. Or at least pro-Big & Rich:

They had a midget with a cane in each hand dancing backup.

I got you now.

A midget,

cane in each hand,

dancing backup.

That's just too funny to pass up.  . . . Apparently, this duo invites many colorful characters into their fantasyland, including Limo Larry, a formerly homeless drug addict who ferries off-duty strippers and inebriated musicians around Nashville every night. And Tim the Electrician, a guy with a big mustache and a beer-swigging red macaw named Santana who clings to his owner's shoulder while Tim practices the sport he's invented, championship chair riding. I'm curious to see the rulebook for this one.

My god, you can't make up stuff this funny.

Michael Lorenzo didn't like the music either:

I am appalled.

I just saw 3 country songs too many, a 6'5" rapping self-proclaimed black cowboy, a back up rapper dressed in a mad hatter costume, several small young white boys trying to pop and lock and a midget trying to imitate an animatronic bear.

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"It's me versus the world," he told Mr. Wead. "The good news is, the world is on my side. Or more than half of it."

Huh?

You know i love you George, but are you sure Doug was the only wead in the room when you said that?

Posted by: annika at 11:29 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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What the fuck?!
Today's Ground Hog day ain't it?
i totally forgot.
Happy Ground Hog Day everybody.
What are we supposed to do on Ground Hog Day?
Drink a beer i guess.
Whatever.
Late.

Posted by: annika at 07:26 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Whoever says the Iraqi Security forces aren't very good is an ass.

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From Magicvalley.com:

Fidgety Behavior Is Linked to Lean Physique

The difference between being obese or lean may be due to how much a person is apt to stand, pace, wriggle and shift about over the course of a day, a team of scientists reported in an intensive study of the consequences of fidgeting.

. . .

The extra energy burned by the fidgety lean group was about 350 calories a day -- well within the reach of most people. The extra calorie burn amounts to at least 10 pounds a year.

The most interesting lines from the article were these, i thought:

Each participant wore a special, high-tech set of underwear, which were rigged with sensors and data loggers originally designed to monitor jet fighter motion. The underwear could track most body movements.

Fresh undergarments were supplied each day. Data from the used underwear were downloaded each day to a computer.

Posted by: annika at 11:57 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Happy January 24th!

Misery is expected to peak on Monday, as 24 January has been pinpointed as the worst day of the year.

January has been long regarded as the darkest of months, but a formula from a part-time tutor at Cardiff University shows it gets even worse this Monday.

Foul weather, debt, fading Christmas memories, failed resolutions and a lack of motivation conspire to depress, Cliff Arnalls found.

. . .

The formula for the day of misery reads 1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA.

Where W is weather, D is debt - minus the money (d) due on January's pay day - and T is the time since Christmas.

Q is the period since the failure to quit a bad habit, M stands for general motivational levels and NA is the need to take action and do something about it.

Dr Arnalls calculated the effects of cold, wet and dark January weather after the cosiness of Christmas coupled with extra spending in the sales.

He found 24 January was especially dangerous, coming a whole month after Christmas festivities.

Any energy from the holiday had worn off by the third week of January, he said.

By Monday, most people will have fallen off the wagon or abandoned the nicotine patches as they fail to keep New Year's resolutions.

That compounds a sense of failure and knocks confidence needed to get through January.

The fact that the most depressing day fell on a Monday was not planned but a coincidence, he said.

Posted by: annika at 07:48 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(Stupider even than allowing Ashley Simpson to sing live on television again.)

Renaming the Los Angeles California Anaheim Angels the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Not only does it sound stupid, but it alienates their fan base. People in OC hate LA, they get pissed if you say they're from LA and they never go to LA unless it's absolutely unavoidable.

As usual, Humbug is the place to go for the latest baseball news, in meter.

Posted by: annika at 11:52 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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As my holiday gift to all of my visitors, i'm going to let you in on a secret i discovered. Overstock.com is selling Season One of 24 (the TV show) for only $14.99. That DVD set retails normally for 70 bucks! If you're interested, go to the site and search for "24: Season One." But for pete's sakes keep this quiet. i'm pretty sure Overstock.com fucked up and meant to price it at $41.99. We don't want them to realize their mistake. Don't worry, i completed the transaction, and indeed i was only charged $14.99! Shhhh!

Posted by: annika at 10:27 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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WTF is the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl? Are there goldfish in it?

Oh well, the BCS sucks, but at least Cal will have the consolation of playing in "America's Most Exciting Bowl Game."

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Channel surfing this morning i saw Trapper John, M.D., arguing about investments on a Fox News stock market show. i thought i was watching a Saturday Night Live skit, but apparently, CPT McIntyre has built a pretty successful investing business since the end of the Korean conflict.

Interesting. He likes eBay, by the way.

Posted by: annika at 08:57 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Can you spot the irony in this holiday stamp webpage from the United States Postal Service's site?

i'll tell you. The word Christmas appears nowhere on either of the two pages from which you can order holiday stamps. Even though four of the eight selections on the first page are clearly and specifically Christmas stamps.

i can understand the view that the US government should not appear to endorse any particular religion by actually uttering the word "Christmas." i don't agree with that line of thinking, but i see how the argument can be made.

The problem with the USPS site is that their omission of the word Christmas, to describe stamps with Santa Claus, reindeer and even an image of the baby Jesus, cannot be based on any desire to adhere to the First Amendment.

Note that there are also stamps clearly identified with the names of two other religious celebrations: Hanukkah and Eid. (From what i understand, Kwanzaa and the Lunar New Year are cultural, not religious celebrations.)

As far as i'm concerned, the only way this PC bullshit can be interpreted is that the USPS thinks some people might be offended by looking at the word Christmas while shopping for stamps.* Either that, or the Postal Service marketing department has been taken over by anti-Christian wackos. (Not anti-religious wackos, mind you, just anti-Christian.)

i don't think anyone, even the most rabid anti-religious zealot, could possibly be offended by merely looking at the word Christmas. Those kind of people just do not exist. Oh i'm certain that there are some people who claim offense in order to advance a political agenda. But anyone who would be truly offended by the word Christmas simply could not function in society.

i think it's great that the USPS is commemorating Hanukkah and Eid-ul-Fitr with stamps. But how is calling a Christmas stamp a Christmas stamp somehow improper?

Maybe they should change their acronym to the USPCS.
_______________

* By the way, the function of the First Amendment's Establishment Clause is not, and has never been, to prevent people from being offended.

Posted by: annika at 10:11 AM | Comments (24) | Add Comment
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Who the hell voted for Bit-O-Honey? Wassup with that?

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Then there's this:

'My friends always said I had an incredibly long tongue - I could make lots of money with it one day,' said Annika.

'I'm just proud that now people everywhere can read about me and my tongue,' she said.

'On my first day at school I had to stick my tongue out for everyone.'

Just so you know, different Annika . . .

Via You're Ugly.

Posted by: annika at 02:22 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Red Sox owner John Henry . . .

. . . and Odo from Deep Space Nine.

It's eerie.

Update: i'm not the only one who's quick with the Sox-Sci-Fi gag.

Posted by: annika at 06:45 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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These two quotes from John Kerry at last night's debate are so beautiful, all i can do is sit back and admire them.

Quote 1:

He's trying to attack me. He wants you to believe that I can't be president. And he's trying to make you believe it because he wants you to think I change my mind. Well, let me tell you straight up: I've never changed my mind about Iraq. I do believe Saddam Hussein was a threat. I always believed he was a threat. Believed it in 1998 when Clinton was president. I wanted to give Clinton the power to use force if necessary.

I don't think you can just rely on U.N. sanctions [to contain Iran], Randee. But you're absolutely correct, it is a threat, it's a huge threat. And what's interesting is, it's a threat that has grown while the president has been preoccupied with Iraq, where there wasn't a threat.

Via Paul at Wizbang.

Posted by: annika at 06:14 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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What do herpes, hurricanes**, crabgrass, Carrot Top, and commenter Robert McLelland have in common?

Nobody wants them, nobody likes them, they keep coming back, and they just . . . won't . . . fucking . . . go . . . away.

Usually i either delete McLelland's shit, or i fuck with it by translating it into French, then into German, then back into English and leave it there. Strangely, i find his comments make more sense after the Google translator has shredded them.

But Little Mac's latest comment, under my Fat Ollie Willis post, is going to stay right where it is, unaltered, (except for his link, which i deleted).

The comment is so deliciously ironic, i want everyone to see how Bush haters think:

Reich Whingers will do anything to get Dear Leader facsist re-selected to office for four more wars. . . .

ps. Don't think because I'm Canadian that I won't influence this election. I have absentee ballots from New York, Michigan and Florida from three different identities. On each I will loudly vote for John Fitzgerald Kerry (unless I decide to write in Osama). [emphasis mine]

i think this little anecdote is a perfect illustration of the message behind Professor Hugh Hewitt's excellent book: If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat: Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends on It

_______________

* No, i don't plan to make this a regular blog feature.
** of both the meteorological and football variety.

Posted by: annika at 06:33 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Fat-lard-ass Ollie Willis* comes up with some doozies, but yesterday he farted out a real howler of a line:

John Kerry is a better leader, a better man, a better patriot than George Bush and everyone else on the left (and a few honest folks on the right) knows it.

* For whom no amount of money would induce me to give a link.

Posted by: annika at 04:23 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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