I fell for a new bum scam today, but it's a good one.

I pulled into a gas station and before I even shut off the engine there appeared next to me a rough looking biker dude on a beat up old v-twin. The engine was clearly smoking. He was unshaven and filthy. He's saying something, so I reluctantly shut off the radio and roll down the window partway. I'm thinking, maybe I should just leave, but I was running on fumes. Plus he'd probably follow me anyway. And damn if I wasn't the only person at the gas station too. Rotten luck.

So I see what he says. He's mumbling something about a gasket. Seems his engine is fucked up somehow and he wants like fifty bucks to go get a gasket. Keep in mind it's about 6:00 pm and all mechanics are closed.

So I give him my standard answer.

"Why don't you call a friend and ask him to come get you?"

That always throws a bum. Very few of them expect that question, this asshole included. But he countered by sticking to the script.

"I just need some help to get a $20 gasket."

Oh, now it's $20! Interesting. But the engine is obviously in trouble. Smoke is coming out from all over.

"I don't see why you don't call a friend or a family member. That's what I'd do," I say again.

"I just need a $20 gasket. I'll take whatever you can spare. C'mon help me out. I know a guy down the street who can put the gasket in for me."

"Dude, I ain't givin' you no fifty bucks. Just park the bike and call a family member to come pick you up."

Now, for just a split second, I sense annoyance flash across his face. Then it's gone, but not without leaving a profound effect on my strategy.

[Insert the part where I curse California and it's stupid CCW laws.]

He responds, "Nobody's gonna come all the way from Riverside to pick me up."

I'm wondering how he made it to Sacramento from Riverside on that smoking hulk, while I discreetly remove two dollars from my wallet.

"Here's two bucks. But I don't know how that's gonna get you anywhere."

Without a word of thanks, he takes the money from my outstretched arm and tears off down the road on the broken bike, which seems to accelerate just fine.

The moral of the story is this: You may catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but a menacing look can get you two bucks.

Posted by: annika at 06:29 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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