January 18, 2005
Useless Fortune Cookie Blogging, Again
Wisdom for the munchies:
Okay, good one to keep in mind.
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07:49 PM
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Yet More Useless Fortune Cookie Blogging Again
i guess i should be happy that they're reading me in Peking, but still...
How rude.
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07:45 PM
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Useless Fortune Cookie Blogging
An oldie but a goodie:
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07:42 PM
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Commercially Useless Fortune Cookie Blogging
i do have some good news...
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07:41 PM
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Useless Fortune Cookie Blogging, Gangsta Style
Heyo yeh!
A Snoop Dogg fan at the Peking Noodle Company?
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07:41 PM
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Useless February Second Fortune Cookie Blogging
Somebody
stop me...
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07:40 PM
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January 17, 2005
Tonight's Fortune Cookie
So i got that goin' for me...
...which is nice.
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08:12 PM
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1
Mmm Me think you might be in for a good time..;->)
Posted by: ikw3804 at January 17, 2005 08:56 PM (hGMOW)
2
What would public affairs in bed be, and how does one have bad luck in bed? Online gambling?
Posted by: Casca at January 17, 2005 09:19 PM (cdv3B)
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Although, 'affairs in bed' should never be followed up with the term 'peking noodle'.
Yikes.
Posted by: Robbie at January 18, 2005 06:01 AM (AAqv2)
4
So they're saving us all some time and just printing "in bed" on there now?
And another Caddyshack reference? You're killing me!
Posted by: Micah at January 18, 2005 06:38 AM (v/oTo)
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January 13, 2005
Random New Year's Resolution
via Ginger.
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07:32 PM
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January 04, 2005
Useless Halftime Show Blogging
The best part of the game so far has been listening to the crowd boo Ashley Simpson. That was fucking awesome!
Memo to Ashley: You make me wanna uh uh uh uh too. Then i flush the toilet.
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07:34 PM
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1
Well, I guess Ashlee has balls, as it were. Good to see the acid reflux didn't kick in. Only
Rita Moreno of Arte is less popular at the moment.
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at January 04, 2005 09:33 PM (k9zwi)
2
I wrote my 2 cents on this last night in a fit of inspiration...
Posted by: Scof at January 05, 2005 12:34 PM (oqUpG)
3
Who would have thought that O.J. would not have been the most offensive Simpson at the Orange Bowl last night?
Posted by: Robbie at January 05, 2005 01:49 PM (htx4h)
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January 03, 2005
More Useless Blogging
President Clinton looks like he's gained a little weight. Still gaunt though.
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08:01 AM
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1
Yeah, he looks like shit. Wouldn't it be ironic if he got a contaminated transfusion during his bypass? Who'd believe that?
Posted by: Casca at January 03, 2005 03:25 PM (cdv3B)
2
Gaunt but obese.
Generally not a good sign. (Is that a moth circling his head...?)
Posted by: Desert Cat at January 04, 2005 03:48 PM (0DDAz)
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January 02, 2005
Useless 24 Blogging
The following thought took place between 8:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m., while watching episode nine from my
24: Season One DVD set:
Why isn't Jack Bauer kicking somebody's ass? He needs to kick somebody's ass right now.
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08:58 PM
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1
Wow! What a groovy girl logo/pic at the top.
I once had a semi-similar thought while watching about the 20th person shoot bullets at Drew Barrymore's Charley's Angels:
"For God sakes-- Will someone give those Angels a gun?! Jeez."
Posted by: gcotharn at January 02, 2005 09:46 PM (ywZa8)
2
it is coming, don't worry it is coming.
He kicks you ass until it is dead, then he will cut off you head and use it to save the world.
Jack is one of the only men i have a man crush one
Posted by: cube at January 04, 2005 07:16 AM (nyNr0)
3
Stay away from him, cube. Jack's mine.
Posted by: annika at January 04, 2005 06:09 PM (1k2LW)
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December 30, 2004
Useless 70's Music Blogging
Why was the band on the run anyway?
Why indeed.
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09:25 AM
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Posted by: Casca at December 30, 2004 06:13 PM (cdv3B)
2
Ask Paul McCartney, it was his band.
Posted by: Keith at December 30, 2004 11:30 PM (lRq/d)
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That's SIR Paul to you, ya bloody commoner!
Perhaps they owed people money?
Posted by: Casca at December 31, 2004 07:18 AM (cdv3B)
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i heard that the county judge held a grudge.
Posted by: annika at December 31, 2004 08:41 AM (bpSIb)
5
They were on the run, and then two band members quit because they were on the run. The decimated trio went on the run to Lagos, where reportedly the bass player in the band was nearly killed.
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at December 31, 2004 11:09 PM (k9zwi)
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December 28, 2004
Useless Health Blogging
Can you get a stye in your lip?
Would that be called a slip?
Do squids have lips?
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09:50 PM
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1
thx for my x-mas prezz... heee... i just got it... that's how long it took me to open my msn...haa... sorry... have a wonderful day! ..
Posted by: maizzy at December 29, 2004 05:54 AM (NgODS)
2
With deepest apologies to Langston...
What happens to a scrote de-spermed?
Does it dry up
like the tits of an old nun?
Or groan like a whore--
and then run?
Does it stink like Britney's feet?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
Kevin
(beware the scrotumnal equinox)
Posted by: Kevin Kim at December 29, 2004 07:37 AM (4uHYC)
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Useless Ice Cream Blogging
Dreyer's now makes an excellent
spumoni flavor.
excellent spumoni flavor.
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09:09 PM
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1
Y'know, I've said "spumoni" to myself about half a dozen times now, and it still doesn't sound any more appetizing.
Posted by: Christopher Cross at December 28, 2004 11:14 PM (ruAMg)
2
Spumoni, bleeeeeeeeech! I'd rather lick the bottom of your mouse, or your bottom for that matter. Try the Safeway Select Butterfinger flavor. I could do the Howard Hughes thing, and live on it exclusively. BTW, does that fucking fruit gilbert grape do that part of the bio in the movie?
Posted by: Casca at December 29, 2004 03:36 PM (cdv3B)
3
Spaghetti ice cream, anyone?
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at December 31, 2004 11:10 PM (k9zwi)
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Useless Parental Blogging
To my dad, great comedy = Jeeves and Wooster.
To my mom, great comedy = Dumb and Dumber.
How they ever got together i'll never know.
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09:05 PM
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me= Meet Wally Sparks , wife= effminate english men gaffawing with peanut brittle dry senses of humor.
Posted by: joey the nose at December 29, 2004 07:28 AM (dO3Ek)
2
I've got Jeeves & Wooster on DVD. I KNEW I liked pops.
Posted by: Casca at December 29, 2004 03:38 PM (cdv3B)
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Useless TV Blogging
Tonight i happened to watch a replay of Kiki Kourik asking Hilery Clinton twenty questions on CNBC. i only saw about thirty seconds of that love fest but it was enough...
i think my brain has now been permanently fucking damaged.
Where's a gun?
i want you to kill me.
WHERE'S A FUCKING GUNNN?
Kill me...
KILLLL MEEEE!
kill me
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I've gotten to the point where I don't allow Hillary's name to be spoken in my house...I guess the fact that I just typed it doesn't count...
Posted by: spydrz at December 28, 2004 08:52 PM (Daf7X)
2
Does Dreyers have
Devil in a blue dress flavor?
Posted by: d-rod at December 28, 2004 10:37 PM (s/oh4)
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Useless Mouse Blogging
Of what substance is the crusty black shit that collects on a mousepad and on the bottom of a mouse made of? It's hella gross.
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12:41 PM
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1
Lint, bits of sandwiches, eye boogers, and assorted other gross shit.
Posted by: joey the nose at December 28, 2004 01:15 PM (dO3Ek)
2
And not just EYE boogers! Put an optical mouse on your wish list.
Posted by: Casca at December 28, 2004 04:37 PM (cdv3B)
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It's dirt. That's all, just dirt...mostly from your hands. An optical mouse will also get dirty at the teflon pads on the bottom.
Posted by: Victor at December 28, 2004 06:38 PM (etHvD)
4
I'm sticking with boogers, mwahahahaha! With the optical you won't notice.
Posted by: Casca at December 28, 2004 07:24 PM (cdv3B)
5
i use optical mouses exclusively. the gook collects on the four feet of the mouse anyway.
Posted by: annika at December 28, 2004 08:16 PM (46l3T)
6
Then refrain from nosepicking while blogging.
Posted by: Casca at December 28, 2004 08:30 PM (cdv3B)
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Useless Sandwich Blogging
i honestly don't see how Subway can stay in business with Quizno's out there.
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12:38 PM
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1
On nutrition: comparatively, the Quizno's sandwiches are way fattier and loaded with nutritional nasties.
That's the only reason why, because Quizno's is so much better.
Posted by: candy girl at December 28, 2004 12:41 PM (AIQSK)
Posted by: annika at December 28, 2004 12:43 PM (zAOEU)
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Quizno's is way better. Subway leaves a lot to be desired.
I've noticed Subways are beginning to install toasters in their shops. Most likely in response to Quizno's.
Posted by: Jonathan at December 28, 2004 01:22 PM (iIEgQ)
4
I have to drive by the Subway World Headquarters on the way to and from work every day. I think really bad driving is a job requirement. I don't go there because if they can't manage to navigate the turn into the driveway how can the possible make a decent sandwich.
Posted by: Stephen Macklin at December 28, 2004 07:53 PM (U3CvV)
5
Quiznos loses the essential advertising battle with their lame and obnoxious commercials. I think they hired the Burger King agency.
Posted by: Ted at December 29, 2004 06:18 AM (blNMI)
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Apparently, Burger King was hoping to attract the customers who would enjoy an oddly costumed stranger showing up in bed.
Posted by: Jonathan at December 29, 2004 03:32 PM (iIEgQ)
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Real simple how Subways stays in business. They are Open. I will never enter another Quiznos after the one and only time I tried to order a sub. I entered the store at 8:15PM on a Friday night, looked at the menu for a few minutes. I waited another few minutes before I was told that the store was closed. It wasn't even 8:30...and the door was still open and unlocked. When I drove by a half hour later (after stopping at a Subways) the Quiznos still appeared to be open. Never again. (And this story gets told EVERY time some ones asks me about Quiznos.)
Posted by: Aldo at December 30, 2004 11:39 PM (I/h9q)
8
Women, you tell me - does Jared have magnetic sex appeal?
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at December 31, 2004 11:12 PM (k9zwi)
Posted by: annika at January 07, 2005 07:52 AM (AQeNA)
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December 21, 2004
Has Anyone Seen Chuck Hagel Lately?
Really, where has he been? i haven't seen Specter either. Where can they be?
. . .
Oh never mind, i found 'em.
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1
Was that really called for? Shouldn't this picture at least include anal violation?
Posted by: Kin at December 21, 2004 07:39 AM (L0Jaw)
2
Yah, yah, yah...
As I often have to remind my more conservative friends, take away Specter, Hegel, Olympia Snow, Susan Collins, Lincoln Chaffee and John McCain, and what do you have? Harry Reid as Majority Leader, and every single Standing Committee and Subcommittee gavel goes to the D's.
Let's see, that means: Byrd chairs Appropriations; Levin, Armed Services; Biden, Foreign Relations; Leahy, (my favorite) Judiciary; etc.
I rest my case.
Posted by: shelly at December 21, 2004 07:51 AM (ywZa8)
3
Maybe they're partying with Terry McAuliffe??
Posted by: spydrz at December 21, 2004 11:08 AM (IDZWi)
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Laura Ingraham does a great bit on "McHagar". As for the tyranny of the minority, it's time for a little blood in the streets. Shelly, they're on the wrong side of the demographics. No pain, no gain.
Posted by: Casca at December 21, 2004 09:36 PM (cdv3B)
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Look, Casca:
I've been in the majority and I've been in the minority; I like the gavel better than the stick up my ass.
When Newt Gingrish pulled off the "Contract with America", life changed on the Hill.
As the Chair of the US Senator's Committee on the Selection of US District Court Judges in my district, for me,life suddenly went from begger to to Prince. It later went back to begger. I've lived with Orren Hatch as Chair of Judiciary, and I've lived with Leahy.
I would support the Devil himself, if he had a "R." after his name and it was the 51st vote. Everything changes; the gavels, the offices, the parking places, the numbers in the committees, the staff, and the power.
Do not be deluded; power is not the only thing, it is EVERYTHING. A lttle stint under Leahy would make you a believer, but I hope to Hell it never happens.
Meanwhile, like I said, I'd support the Devil himself, if he had a "R." after his name.
RINO? I love 'em. I sent checks this year to Arlen, Olympia, and to several others. Thune was my main man, but he is mainstream R. and we'll all be happy with him. I hope he is on Judicary.
Don't be a doctrinaire idiot; keep the power.
Posted by: shelly at December 21, 2004 11:18 PM (+7VNs)
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What Shelly said. I couldn't add a single thing more.
Posted by: Dave J at December 22, 2004 07:23 AM (CYpG7)
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Look, Shelly:
I am neither doctrinaire, or an idiot. However, had the forces of politicl nature been allowed to run their course unimpeded Specter would be saying his goodbyes, and someone akin to Santorum would be hiring staff.
As hard as it is to believe, you're not the only one who has participated in the political process in the last half century. Shit, of the two of us, I'd wager that I'm the one who has been publicly elected to office, been a legislative candidate, and run a couple of campaigns.
That Susan Collins should be battling Barbie Boxer for "Dumbest Bitch of the Senate", and forging national security policy is an abomination.
Political Science has laws that mirror the physical sciences, and for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Ronald Reagan would never have been elected without the nightmare of Jimmy Carter. RINO's simply hand one's thunder to the opposition, and lookout when the D's figure out how to run from the right ala Clinton.
Posted by: Casca at December 22, 2004 08:11 AM (cdv3B)
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Um yeah, we still hold the majority of state governorships. Have fun grasping at straws.......Um kay
Posted by: reagan80 at December 22, 2004 08:17 AM (1UJfi)
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Casca:
Actually, although appointed (by RWR) I have held an elective office (Judge) and have won two contested elections, one for President of the largest voluntary bar in the United States, and one to the Board of Governors of my state bar association, which is a mandatory integrated bar which now has 198,000+ members.
I still know how to count, and despite the fact that doctrinaire appeals to some, it does not appeal to all. Me, I'll take smart every time, and I agree that Susan and Barbara are hard put for the title. But only because that nut case from Illinois got offed.
All that being said, I'll still vote for and support R's. If we ever get to sixty, I think you may join my thought process...even though it sets up other leverages for those weak in the knees. I just don't want another Jumpin' Jim to take us down.
Posted by: shelly at December 22, 2004 12:42 PM (fLlQ8)
10
Shelly,
The only thing I need from those aforementioned RINO's is their vote for majority leader. Otherwise they are pretty useless. I understand that some of them come from more liberal states, i.e Chaffee, Snowe, and Collins, but that doesn't explain McCain & Hagel. Both of them hail from very conservative states Arizona and Nebraska. McCain is making rumblings about running for President again. He better check himself because the GOP primary voters will swat him down again if he tries. He needs to learn how to be a team player.
Posted by: Allan Bartlett at December 22, 2004 04:55 PM (QUrzL)
11
"The only thing I need from those aforementioned RINO's is their vote for majority leader"
Outside of that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
Posted by: shelly at December 23, 2004 08:37 AM (fLlQ8)
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December 14, 2004
If Gershwin Blogged...
Cas-a-cading style sheets,
You've got me on the go!
Cas-a-cading style sheets,
i'm all a-quiver.
When a mess iÂ’m writing!
The neighbors want to know
Why i'm always typing
Sounds like a flivver.
Each morning i get up with the sun -
Start a-blogging,
Never stopping -
To find at night no work has been done.
i know that
Once it didn't matter -
But now iÂ’m doing wrong;
When i start to patter
i'm so unhappy.
Can't i take a day off?
Decide to run along
Somewhere far away off -
And make it snappy!
Oh, how i long to be the gyrl i used to be!
Cas-a-cading style sheets,
On won't you stop picking on me?
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08:52 PM
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1
leave the style sheets alone!
Posted by: Scof at December 15, 2004 08:36 AM (oqUpG)
2
I know people are to extremes now to avoid linking "Casca" and "ding" in the same sentence, but this takes the cake.
Posted by: d-rod at December 15, 2004 12:01 PM (CSRmO)
3
Fascinating Rhythm!! ba da da de de dum.
Though I liked Concerto in F better.
Posted by: Tom at December 15, 2004 12:06 PM (D7UYv)
4
Oh, that's sublime, dear Annie. Sublime.
Posted by: Hugo at December 15, 2004 01:07 PM (a64wL)
Posted by: Casca at December 15, 2004 05:59 PM (cdv3B)
Posted by: d-rod at December 16, 2004 03:30 PM (CSRmO)
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