1 1. Vive le Dauphin! 2. "C'est assez!" dit la baleine. 3. Quick solution to the whale's problems: grenade in blowhole. 4. Quicker solution: Sinead in blowhole. 5. Headline: A Confused Sir Elton John Sighted in Thames 6. Headline: Giant Sperm Attempts to Impregnate London 7. Headline: Disoriented Whale Likely Irish 8. Headline: Whale's Triumphant Swim to London Trumps Its 2004 Scaling of Eiffel Tower 9. Headline: Muslim Whale Decries British Decadence 10. Headline: Whale Too Late to Watch David Blaine Stunt Subtitle: "Piss,Fuck, Diddle!" Says Whale. Kevin

2 Now that's good comedy!

3 Crap. Kevin beat me to the angle I was going to use, or at least half of it: "Londoners Mourn Death of Oprah in Freak Thames Drowning; Scotland Yard Suspects French Involvement." How about, "Autopsy: Thames Whale Had 0.3 BAC; Footie Yobs Sought in Investigation." Shit. Those suck. I'm no comedian.

4 Sperm whale impregnates London... Ya know, if you think of a side view diagram of the reproductive system, and imagine southeast England as a uterus, London as an ovary, and the Thames as a fallopian tube...

5 Such rancor.

6 An anagram engine tells us that the phrase "WHALE IN THAMES" yields a gazillion anagrams. Among them: SEW HIM THE ANAL WHEEL HIM, SANTA ELENA WHAM SHIT ENEMA WITH LASH MAN HEAL WHITES HATE HIS LAWMEN HI! HATE SLEW MAN! HE HAS LAME TWIN and every sperm bank's favorite: HAIL SEMEN THAW! Kevin

7 Shit, shoulda quit while you were ahead.

8 It's in London. They are British. So, they weren't lining up. They were "queuing" up. Sheesh, Annika. Don't be so culturally insensitive.

9 "And there's more where that came from!" shouted the asshole. Kevin hee hee

10 Not better, necessarily, just stupider. Here.

11 Great stuff Pachey. Blogrolled you.