Did i or did i not predict that Brittany Spears would be in rehab by October of this year?

Answer: i did, sort of.

Allow me now to gloat and report to you that Brittany indeed will be undergoing eight to twelve weeks of rehab, starting six weeks from now.

Never doubt me again.

Posted by: annika at 02:41 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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It's always bugged me that proponents of gay marriage repeatedly cite the example of Brittany's 48 hour Vegas marriage in order to denigrate the heterosexual marriage norm. They argue that traditional marriage shouldn't be restricted to only heterosexuals, since people like Brittany have made a mockery of it.

To which, i respond: Didn't you see the MTV Awards? What makes you so sure Brittany's a heterosexual?

Link via Kevin's Wizbang via Rick's Quotes, Thoughts, and other Ramblings.

Posted by: annika at 09:44 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Meet my newest fan: the American Skankwoman.

Brittany knows what fash-ism is all about. That's why she sports an annika's journal Trucker Hat whenever she hits up the Circle-K for some after-romp Cheetos and a pack of smokes! Nothing says "i'm a foul-mouthed, chain-smoking blonde who loves junk food and sex" quite like an annie's j Trucker Hat!

Wanna be like Brit? Visit my cafepress.com shop. No, don't just visit - Buy something! Get a bunch of stuff for yourself and don't forget, annika's journal merch makes a great gift.

Father's Day is coming up and you know my blog is a big hit with dads. An annika's journal Mug or Trivet would make the perfect gift. It's the least you could do for the guy who paid for all the beer you drank in college. Even if he thought you were spending it on books.

Don't you have a dog? i bet Rover would love playing catch with an annika's journal Flat Round Thing That You Throw. It'll provide good exercise for your puppy - nobody likes a fat dog (except Brittany fans, of course).

Guys, have you run out of gift ideas for the girlfriend? No girl says no to a nulla puella negat Cami. She'll either slap you or kiss you - or possibly both.

Did you miss Mother's day? If you did, you'd better make it up to her right now with a vastly overpriced, but highly artistic Burghers of Calais Abstract Lunchbox. She'll love it so much, she might actually forgive you. Then again maybe not.

Posted by: annika at 12:01 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 Dod you photoshop in that shiner, or is that hers? Wow...she looks pretty cracked out in that photo, but it makes me want a trucker hat. Nice advertising dear!

Posted by: Courtney at May 13, 2004 08:24 AM (tyQ8y)

2 I was going to say that Brit looks like she has a black eye, but Courtney beat me to it!

Posted by: Lorie at May 13, 2004 08:45 AM (PPPwU)

3 Courtney, i resisted the temptation to do my usual fattening on Brittany's picture. The only photoshopping i did was on her hat. What a skank!

Posted by: annika! at May 13, 2004 11:03 AM (zAOEU)

4 I was going to say the same thing...I was wondering whether it is a black eye or smudged makeup left over from a hard night of partying. She is foul.

Posted by: ginger at May 13, 2004 01:57 PM (BgaW7)

5 Who knew a Trucker's cap could class someone up? Dang!

Posted by: Dawn Summers at May 13, 2004 02:49 PM (HLOeu)

6 Just can't quite get a handle on how that "No Girl Says No" camisole would look...methinks a modeling pic might be required! -Boston Rob (not the one from Survivor, although I am in favor of girls wearing "I LOVE ROB" T-shirts.

Posted by: Rob at May 13, 2004 03:19 PM (IelzJ)

7 U r SUCH a ho. Let me find my wallet.

Posted by: Casca at May 13, 2004 06:37 PM (q+PSF)

8 After revisiting the pic, I notice that SOMEONE has stolen her tits. What's with that?

Posted by: Casca at May 13, 2004 06:38 PM (q+PSF)

9 Annika does a tremendous service for poor Miss Spears by adding her to her blog. Clearly Britney is starving for the publicity.

Posted by: Mark at May 14, 2004 12:12 AM (3dndt)

10 "nulla puella negat"? No fat chicks?

Posted by: GE at May 21, 2004 10:28 AM (waQOJ)

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i've been away for so long it's hard to get back into the swing of blogging. Mainly, i've been preoccupied with planning for my move back north again. But if there's one subject that is always easy to blog about, it's the American Skankwoman.

Here are some recent news stories, which at first might seem unrelated, but nothing gets past my uncanny ability to analyze and dissect the news:

Brad Pitt quits smoking (i assume he means cigarettes).

Brittany hires a hypnotist, says she wants to quit smoking too.

Brad openly questions monogamy, amidst rumors of trouble in his storybook marriage.

More rumors circulate about Brad and a famously tattooed actress named Angelina.

Brittany decides to get some new tattoos, but the job is hilariously botched.

Suddenly Brad declares that he wouldn't mind a "romp with Brittany."

Around about that time, Brittany exclaims her belief in the power of God! ("Yes! Oh God! Yes!")

Brad takes up cigarettes again.

Hmmmm, interesting. You do the math.

Posted by: annika at 11:10 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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i'm simply embarrassed for him.

Inspired by the Alliance's Filthy Lie Assignment.

Posted by: annika at 11:28 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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i just can't stop updating you on Brittany's antics. She's such an easy target, and there's no shortage of material out there, since her every waking moment is chronicled for all to see. (That is, assuming the level of brainwave activity inside her head ever qualifies as a "waking moment.")

Here's a picture i found, showing what the American Skankwoman likes to read while she's laying out by the pool and sucking down Marlboro Lights.

It's a book called Wheels of a Soul: Reincarnation - Your Life Today and Tomorrow, by Kabbalist Rabbi Philip Berg. It was no doubt recommended by her personal Kabbalah tutor, that very classy Madona lady.

i guess Brittany's born again experience didn't take. Between smooches, Madona probably informed her that Christianity wasn't cool these days.

Fictional dialogue goes as follows:

"Baby, you gotta dump that whole Mel Gibson shit if you wanna be like me. Don't you want to be like me?"

"Of course I do. You know I do. Please help me be more like you."

"Alrighty then. But first let's see if we can't make you a little more like Janet."

Whispering and giggling ensues. Justin's name is mentioned. Some more whispering and giggling.

"Okay Madona, I'll do it! You're so smart."

Then we have this story.

P.S. By the way, it's just my opinion, but i think reincarnation is complete bullshit.

Posted by: annika at 03:33 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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As i gaze into my crystal ball i can almost see it . . .

If the American Skankwoman continues to balloon at her current rate, and her career continues to nose dive at it's current rate, i see only one path for her.

No, not Vegas . . . think Bayreuth!

Yes, i see Brittany expanding her . . . er . . . repertoire to encompass the grand Ring Cycle!

Brittany as Brünnhilde! It's perfect! Of course she'd need to lip synch it, but that's nothing new for her.

Hojotoho! Hojotoho! Heiaha! Heiaha!

Hojotoho! Hojotoho! Heiaha! Heiaha! Heiaha!

"Oh annika, why are you so obsessed?" Cuz it's funny that's why.

Posted by: annika at 07:35 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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It's been a while since i posted about Brittany. i recently saw some new concert pictures and the first words that popped into my head were: Hello, welcome to the thunderthighdome, skank.

Here's what she told her promoters about her condition:

I look like a blimp, so do something about it. I need to look perfect -- better than perfect.

Update: Puleeez! Have these people never heard of Beyonce, Carmen, Halle or Angelina?

Posted by: annika at 04:14 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Please don't think that i'm turning this into a Brittany Spears bashing site. (It's just that she's such an easy target.) i promise i'll take a break from mentioning her for a while, but i can't not mention this inspired poem by the Big Hominid, about the American Skankwoman.

Posted by: annika at 09:23 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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This appears to be the week for me to blog about nipples, seen or unseen.

Kevin's Wizbang is the place to go for pictures of Janet Jackson's boob and what i now know is a "nipple shield," not a pastie or a piece of tape as some have suggested. That's fucking sick. And i say that as someone with a pierced tongue. Anybody who thought that Janet might be the only normal one in that family . . . think again.

Oh, by the way, i was named Wizbang's Blog of the Day. Thanks Kevin! (Let me know if that PayPal bribe didn't go through.)

And, in reference to my previous nipple related post, where Brant commented that he thought Brittany's nips were lower than normal due to a botched implant job, lookie here. Kin, posting at Jen's has the photographic proof, not only of the American Skankwoman's augmentation, but also of the below the equator orientation of her little nippies. Good work Kin!

Update: Ginger opines on Nip Slippage.

Posted by: annika at 11:37 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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1 I, ummm, don't feel comfortable hammering on other peoples' piercable bits. Some would say that my piercing is pretty icky, too.

Posted by: zombyboy at February 02, 2004 12:00 AM (X7Bhq)

2 Have you seen the site that traces Britney's evolution from A-cup to C (and maybe D) cup - and back again? Her boobies vary over time. Maybe the girls got inflatable implants...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at February 02, 2004 06:06 AM (jtW2s)

3 So Annika, in honor of your nipple-blogging week, what are the odds of you posting a topless pic. You know not that I'm asking for gratuitous nudity or anything. I'm just thinking theme here, and what better way to get it going.. Just a suggestion.. I'm thinking logos, promotion, corporate sponsors.. 'Annika's boob week'. I could be huge.. I'm gonna get banned now, huh?

Posted by: Rob at February 02, 2004 08:00 AM (QDVwP)

4 So Annika, in honor of your nipple-blogging week, what are the odds of you posting a topless pic. You know not that I'm asking for gratuitous nudity or anything. I'm just thinking theme here, and what better way to get it going.. Just a suggestion.. I'm thinking logos, promotion, corporate sponsors.. 'Annika's boob week'. It could be huge.. I'm gonna get banned now, huh?

Posted by: Rob at February 02, 2004 08:01 AM (QDVwP)

5 A stupid comment, and it double posted. I suck.

Posted by: rob at February 02, 2004 08:02 AM (QDVwP)

6 In the immortal words of Patsy on AbFab... "Accident, sweetie".

Posted by: d-rod at February 02, 2004 10:40 AM (CSRmO)

7 Three times is the charm?

Posted by: annika at February 02, 2004 11:04 AM (zAOEU)

8 Annie- just curious, if you really get down to it, just how is it that a nipple shield is that much different than a spike through your tongue? i asked my little sister why she got her tongue pierced and she said to me, "there is only ONE reason to do it, and if you don't know what that is, i'm not gonna tell ya" body modification is a very personal thing, and many people do many seemingly odd things for reasons only known to them. does that really make them sick or perverted? i'm not so sure. i'd never judge you for that sort of thing (hell, i think it's sexy) but i think you might be exhibiting a bit of intolerance on this one. i do still luv ya though arf coyote arf coyote

Posted by: coyote at February 02, 2004 11:09 AM (cfoFZ)

9 "body modification is a very personal thing, and many people do many seemingly odd things for reasons only known to them. does that really make them sick or perverted?" Not necessarily, but in the case any member of the Jacko family, the answer is yes. Seriously 'Yote, i do have my preferences where body art is concerned. i pierced my tongue, my nose and my navel. But i wouldn't pierce my nips, too sensitive. i dated a couple of guys with pierced nips and i did find that a bit sexy. i dated guys with pierced tongues too. That was, um, different. About half of my friends have pierced tongues, too. What you see as intolerance is just a matter of aesthetic taste for me. A guy with a little ring on his nip is sexy, if he has the attitude to match, but i don't think lip rings are attractive in any circumstance. i'm ambivalent about eyebrow piercing on either sex. What's the point of that? i like tattoos, but i think a big hunkin sun tat on the tummy is ugly. i have no prob with nip piercing, per se, but attaching a shield is overdoing it, in my opinion. It makes me cringe to think what would happen if that material had gotten caught on one of the spikes when Justin pulled it off. Yeeoow.

Posted by: annika at February 02, 2004 03:35 PM (zAOEU)

10 ok Annie- i must have just misread "That's fucking sick" and "Anyone who thought that Janet might the only normal one in that family... think again." my bad. ;-) coyote

Posted by: coyote at February 02, 2004 04:10 PM (cfoFZ)

11 Annika: Did I call that or what? Poor woman. You have to pity someone who spends all that money on a boob job and then her nips point not only down, but in different directions.

Posted by: Brant at February 02, 2004 05:31 PM (WfQGW)

12 I think I'm gonna follow Rob's lead and make this into a world wide effort. Think of it as Girls Gone Wild:Spring Blog '04 Show your tits!

Posted by: Kin at February 04, 2004 11:22 AM (IDa3v)

13 Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction, annika?

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Is it me or is something missing on the skankwoman in this pic? i mean, maybe she doesn't have any, you know what i mean? Which would support my theory that she's really a robot. A dim-witted, bubble headed robot who can't sing.

Posted by: annika at 07:29 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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