April 21, 2008
Roll your own bomber logo here.
h/t Beth!
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April 20, 2008
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April 19, 2008
It's a well known and scientifically accepted truth that we are all on the verge of a major environmental catastrophe, which can only be averted by the election of Bronco Bomber. Unfortunately, we can't count on the gun-toting, God-clinging, xenophobic racists who vote in this country to recognize the Obamessiah as the Planet's one and only salvation. It doesn't look good for the old Obameister right now, but don't despair. We can still do our part. Here are thirteen practical suggestions for making this year's Earth Day count:
- Refrain from swatting any flies. Flies are people too, and swatting is a violent act. Instead, try talking to the fly without preconditions.
- Don't needlessly waste electricity at night. Turn off all your lights and stop watching tv. Instead, read a book and use your cell phone as a reading light.
- Rather than waste water by going in your toilet, reuse old plastic grocery bags instead. Better yet, don't flush and plant a tree in the bowl. Presto, instant carbon offset!
- If you're already walking or biking to work, bravo for you. But remember that you exhale more CO2 when you exercise. Offset that contribution to greenhouse gasses by carrying a co-worker on your back.
- Did you know that leaving the tap running while you brush your teeth wastes about thirty gallons of water a day? Stop brushing your teeth.
- Don't buy any product that was ever manufactured, assembled, transported, marketed or sold by a large corporation. Instead, make all your own stuff. I know a guy named Fred who furnished his entire house using only natural materials he found locally or brought home from work.
- Watching tv is a huge waste of electricity, but if you must watch your favorite show, wait for the re-runs. It's a great way to recycle.
- Act. Be active. Activate. Actualize. Activist. Accentuate. Use these words in a sentence.
- Wear hemp jewelry. My boyfriend proposed by giving me a hemp ring he made himself out of some free twine he stole from IKEA.
- Browbeat your friends into becoming environmentally conscious. Guilt-trip them about eating meat. Set their pets free. Just be obnoxious in general.
- Paint your house green. Then tell everybody you live in a green house. They won't know.
- Practice Zero Population Growth responsibly. For instance, a hollowed out leek makes a great condom.
- Water plants with your own blood.
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April 18, 2008
Schroedinger, Erwin! Professor of physics!
Wrote daring equations! Confounded his critics!
(Not bad, eh? Don't worry. This part of the verse
Starts off pretty good, but it gets a lot worse.)
Win saw that the theory that Newton'd invented
By Einstein's discov'ries had been badly dented.
What now? wailed his colleagues. Said Erwin, "Don't panic,
No grease monkey I, but a quantum mechanic.
Consider electrons. Now, these teeny articles
Are sometimes like waves, and then sometimes like particles.
If that's not confusing, the nuclear dance
Of electrons and suchlike is governed by chance!
No sweat, though--my theory permits us to judge
Where some of 'em is and the rest of 'em was."
Not everyone bought this. It threatened to wreck
The comforting linkage of cause and effect.
E'en Einstein had doubts, and so Schroedinger tried
To tell him what quantum mechanics implied.
Said Win to Al, "Brother, suppose we've a cat,
And inside a tube we have put that cat at--
Along with a solitaire deck and some Fritos,
A bottle of Night Train, a couple mosquitoes
(Or something else rhyming) and, oh, if you got 'em,
One vial prussic acid, one decaying ottom
Or atom--whatever--but when it emits,
A trigger device blasts the vial into bits
Which snuffs our poor kitty. The odds of this crime
Are 50 to 50 per hour each time.
The cylinder's sealed. The hour's passed away. Is
Our pussy still purring--or pushing up daisies?
Now, you'd say the cat either lives or it don't
But quantum mechanics is stubborn and won't.
Statistically speaking, the cat (goes the joke),
Is half a cat breathing and half a cat croaked.
To some this may seem a ridiculous split,
But quantum mechanics must answer, "Tough @#&!
We may not know much, but one thing's fo' sho':
There's things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Shine light on electrons--you'll cause them to swerve.
The act of observing disturbs the observed--
Which ruins your test. But then if there's no testing
To see if a particle's moving or resting
Why try to conjecture? Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability--certainty, never.'
The effect of this notion? I very much fear
'Twill make doubtful all things that were formerly clear.
Till soon the cat doctors will say in reports,
"We've just flipped a coin and we've learned he's a corpse."'
So saith Herr Erwin. Quoth Albert, "You're nuts.
God doesn't play dice with the universe, putz.
I'll prove it!" he said, and the Lord knows he tried--
In vain--until fin'ly he more or less died.
Win spoke at the funeral: "Listen, dear friends,
Sweet Al was my buddy. I must make amends.
Though he doubted my theory, I'll say of this saint:
Ten-to-one he's in heaven--but five bucks says he ain't."
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April 17, 2008
...that these plain-wrap brand pickles would be so dang tasty.
I got them at Ralph's.
N.B. This post should in no way be construed as having been inspired by, or being in any way related to the previous post.
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So now I'm a microfiber girl. Not only is Calvin Klein's 365 Microfiber Stretch Bikini the most awesome underwear ever, I have discovered that its male counterpart is gauranteed to drive me nutty whenever my man wears 'em. Touchably soft, hehe.
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March 01, 2008
I want to get in the act, because I care too. So here it is, save the earth, the Annika's Journal way. The more you click, the more you help save the earth.
Thanks for helping to save the earth. If we all work together, we can do it. For instance if ten thousand people clicked on that button this month it could actually help save the earth something like ten thousand times faster than normal earth saving methods would. If ten billion people clicked on that button, we might have so much earth savingness, that we could build another earth or planet or whatever. Which is pretty amazing if you think about it, and makes me feel real good about myself and how I'm doing my part and all.
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February 27, 2008
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February 05, 2008
For president:
Republicans - Mitt Romney.
Democrats - Barak Obama.
Proposition 91: Gas tax earmarks. Vote YES. Requires that gas taxes go to pay only for trasportation stuff, instead of into the general fund. Anything that makes it harder for the spendthrifts in Sacramento to throw money away, I'm in favor of.
Proposition 92: Community college funding mandate. Vote NO. This idiocy requires community colleges to spend more while reducing fees. Obviously its authors failed math when they went to college.
Proposition 93: Term limit reform. A tough call, but vote YES because it will ultimately reduce the term limit from 14 to 12 years, while allowing lawmakers to stay in one house instead of having to switch halfway through their terms.
Proposition 94 to 97: Vote NO on the Indian gaming initiatives. Don't turn California into another Nevada. California lawmakers need to learn how to run a state without relying on sin taxes to fund their never-ending spending spree.
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January 31, 2008
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January 30, 2008
P.S. I will be giving my first opening statement in about one hour. I'm ready. If you happen to be on my jury, vote for me (but don't tell anyone I told you to.)
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January 24, 2008
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January 17, 2008
It's a long day living in Reseda,Um no, that's inaccurate. There's no freeway in Reseda. Check Google maps; the closest freeway is US 101, which goes through Tarzana, but not Reseda.
There's a freeway runnin through the yard.
Next I'll take on geographical inaccuracies in the screenplay for The Karate Kid.
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January 14, 2008
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January 10, 2008
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January 08, 2008
Keep in mind that I don't even want Obama to win, but I hate Hillary. I didn't realize that I hated her until tonight. Before I just disliked her and didn't want her to be president. Now I want to stick a knitting needle in her eye.
(If I were to stick a knitting needle in her eye, here's what I think it would sound like: "pffft..." "AAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!" etc.)
Anyways. Tell me this. Nobody—but nobody—predicted anything less than a five point Obama victory as late as yesterday. I'm talkin' Zogby, Rassmussen, CNN, CBS, etc. I know pre-election polls are often wrong, but the exit polling today also predicted a solid Obama victory.
Add to that, Clinton herself acted like a defeated woman for the past few days. She knew she was going to lose New Hampshire, because she was going to lose! Her crocodile tears, her meltdown at Saturday's debate, and Bill's tirade against the vast media conspiracy, all show a campaign that saw the writing on the wall.
Plus, I don't know anybody that thought Clinton's behavior since Iowa has helped her in any way. Everybody I talked to thought she was hurting herself badly every time she opened her mouth.
And all the coverage of the campaigning in NH since Thursday was all about how Clinton wasn't drawing crowds and Obama rallies were huge and energized.
All that stuff tells me that she cheated. Come on, it's the fucking CLINTONS, for pete's sake. They fucking cheated and you know it. These people don't care how they win; lying, cheating and stealing mean nothing to them. They're as Macchiavelian as anyone in modern politics. What did Bill say when Ken Starr had him by the balls? We'll just have to win then.
The Clinton machine was in a desperate spot today. They knew they had to win, but they also knew they couldn't turn things around that quickly. Electorates don't change their minds that fast. The only way they could do it was to cheat. But we'll sooner find out how Hillary made all that money in cattle futures than find out how she cheated on this election. I guarantee nobody will look into it. The media loves a horse race and they got one now.
Historians will write about how President Hillary saved herself with the spectacular New Hampshire comeback. But I'm telling you, this was the 2008 version of Daley delivering Chicago or Joe Kennedy buying West Virginia. Its the only possible explanation and it sucks.
Not that I want Obama to win. I admire him greatly, sure, but I disagree with him on almost every issue. I just want him to win the nomination. I used to think he couldn't win it, but now I think he can. I've never seen a guy generate that much passion and excitement as a politician. I want him to win because it will kill the baby boomer sixties counter-culture stranglehold on the Democratic party, hopefully for good. Then I want to see the Republicans nominate a guy who can beat him. Against Obama, at least it would be a fair fight.
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