October 17, 2005

The Colbert Report

First episode: strong.

Second episode: inspired.

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Monster Name


Abhorrent Nun-Nabbing Investigator-Kidnapping Abomination

Via Bobo Blogger

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October 14, 2005

Second Term Stumbling Block

Clinton had Monica, Reagan had Iran-Contra, Nixon had Watergate. Eisenhower had, uh i don't know, golf i guess. Second terms always contain a stumbling block, either real or imagined. When the history books are written, what will they say about Bush's second term?






Free polls from Pollhost.com
When the history books are written, what will be the stumbling block in Bush's second term?

Sheehan

Katrina

Plamegate (Rove)

The fake press conference

Miers

Other

Something that hasn't happened yet

None of the above, the history books will say the second term went perfectly




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October 13, 2005

Pinter Gets The Nobel

Playwright Harold Pinter has won the Nobel Prize for literature. i saw a production of his most famous play The Birthday Party years ago. It was as advertised: tense, absurdist, deeply psychological and disturbing. i recommend it. i have also seen The Caretaker, which i didn't like as much.

But Pinter is as anti-American as they come, which says something about the Nobel committee, since i don't think Pinter's done anything noteworthy since he wrote The French Lieutenant's Woman.

Here's a sampling of his poetry:


Democracy

There's no escape.
The big pricks are out.
They'll fuck everything in sight.
Watch your back.


That's not even good poetry. Its more like a piece of dialogue at some snooty Brit cocktail party where every one wears black sportcoats over black turtlenecks. Its easy to sneer at Democracy when your life is spent hobnobbing with celebs in Mayfair and the Upper East Side and you never have to deal with real people.

God Bless America

Here they go again,
The Yanks in their armoured parade
Chanting their ballads of joy
As they gallop across the big world
Praising America's God.

The gutters are clogged with the dead
The ones who couldn't join in
The others refusing to sing
The ones who are losing their voice
The ones who've forgotten the tune.

The riders have whips which cut.
Your head rolls onto the sand
Your head is a pool in the dirt
Your head is a stain in the dust
Your eyes have gone out and your nose
Sniffs only the pong of the dead
And all the dead air is alive
With the smell of America's God.


Nice. Sounds like he has a problem with religion too. It would be a shock if even one of these celebrity anti-war libs ever strayed from that template.

Update: More at The New Criterion. Hat tip to K-Lo at The Corner.

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October 12, 2005

President To Replace Miers

This just in. Bowing to criticism, it seems that President Bush will replace Miers with another woman whose credentials, some might argue, are similarly noteworthy.

i'm talking about Brittany, of course.

President Bush said that Spears, who is an expert in rhythmic 'dancercise' and has achieved notable success marketing recorded entertainment to the under-14 WASP demographic, will make 'a real good judge'. While the choice of Washington outsider Britney Spears is clearly intended to help deflect growing accusations of cronyism and insideropeia within the Bush administration, pundits on both sides of the isle nevertheless predict an uphill confirmation climb for the youthful entertainer.

Britney Spears, who joined the nomination announcement via video uplink, said she was 'totally excited' about the opportunity. 'This is like so cool,' said Ms. Spears. 'I mean, like, the Superior Court and everything. It's like a dream come true. I mean for somebody, I guess.'

As for me, i'm disappointed. i'm sure Brittany might make a fine justice, but i'd much rather have someone with "Meals On Wheels" experience.

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Subconscious IM Conversations

id: i want to begin drinking beer as soon as i get home.
superego: i don't want to begin drinking beer as soon as i get home.

. . .

id: i want to throttle that idiot in front of the line who can't decide which scratcher to buy.
superego: i want to wait patiently like a good person.
id: i want to smash a 2 liter bottle of cola on that idiot's head while he cashes in his $2 scratcher so he can play again while i'm waiting.
superego: i am a good person.

. . .

id: i need new boots.
superego: i need to pay rent.

. . .

id: Martha's show is a must see on Wednesday nights.
superego: i have homework.
id: You are weak. Embrace your weakness.
superego: i am a responsible person.
id: Fuck you. You're weak and you know it.

. . .

id: Light beer is for sissies. It tastes bad.
superego: i can always do an extra set of stairmaster tomorrow.
id: That's my girl.

. . .

id: Leftover pizza tastes great with a beer.
superego: i believe it does. But still.

. . .

ego: Can't we all just get along? i suggest a compromise. i was good, and didn't smash a 2 liter bottle of cola on that idiot's head, therefore i deserve to reward myself by drinking a beer and watching Martha.
id: What about the pizza?

. . .

id: i need new boots.
superego: mmm boots.

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The Next George Lazenby?

The rumor now is that Daniel Craig may be the next James Bond. i thought Pierce Brosnan had a few more movies left in him, but what do i know. Daniel Craig is not someone whose name i recognize and in this article he appears blonde. IMDb says he played Ted Hughes in Sylvia, that depressing Sylvia Plath biography with Gwynneth Paltrow. i thought he was good in that role, and Hughes being such a controversial figure he must have had to walk a fine line. Craig was also in the first Tomb Raider, but i can't remember his character.

i say again, what was wrong with Pierce Brosnan?

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Wednesday Is Poetry Day

Poetry Wednesday is like Desmond's crappy 80's Apple II on Lost. What would happen if i didn't enter the code and push the button every week?

Update: i chickened out.


October

by Robert Frost

O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
To-morrowÂ’s wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
To-morrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow,
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know;
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away;
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapesÂ’ sake, if they were all,
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost—
For the grapesÂ’ sake along the wall.



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October 10, 2005

MNF Pick, Week 5

i'm late, but you'll just have to trust me. i got SD to win minus 3 points.

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October 09, 2005

Sweet...

LaFawnduh
You are LaFawnduh. Why are you so sweaty?


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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October 08, 2005

Breaking News

siren.gif

BRITTANY PULLS BRA

It was broken anyways.

Scroll down for Brittany's personal message to her fans.

i'm very confused by this auction. The item description is full of contradictory statements. Is the item for sale or isn't it? Do proceeds go to Hurricane Relief or to Brittany's foundation?

Developing...


[Hat tip to Steve at Poker for the Masses, who asks the following questions about playing in a charity poker game at the Playboy Mansion:

1) should i bring a towel?
2) how should I play 99? (strong is the correct answer)
3) should i tell my wife where the charity event is?
4) if yes, should i tell her before?
i got a chuckle out of that.]

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October 06, 2005

Quick Note On The Speech

Bravo, at long last, thank you.

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The Becker Stance

Wherein i toot my own horn and pretend like i'm an expert, just a little.

progress report

i'm ready to say it now. After only eight week's experience shooting pistols, i'm pretty confident that i can take down any assailant at 25 yards, given a quality firearm, and assuming i don't freak out when the time comes.

i was uncomfortable making that boast before now, because i'm basically a self-taught shooter. But everytime i go to the range i'm amazed at how much other people suck at pistols. i look around at the other targets and the holes are shotgunned all over the place. Many of these guys are law enforcement types, too. i consistently outshoot my boyfriend, who learned how to shoot in the military. At the ranges i go to, i've noticed most guys like to shoot at 7 yards predominately. i've gotten to the point where 7 yards is no challenge for me anymore, and i shoot that range with my prescription glasses off.

Am i that good or are other people just that bad? i have no idea. i'm not going to go tap a stranger on the shoulder and say "hey, why do you suck so bad?" Especially if that other guy is armed. So i'm left only with my theories.

My first theory is that people look at aiming and pulling the trigger as two separate and sequential actions. i think that's my boyfriend's problem. He takes aim, then he pulls the trigger. In my humble novice's opinion, i think you have to concentrate on aiming the whole time, and the trigger pull should be slow and almost unconscious.

i read somewhere that you should be surprised when the gun fires. i also harken back to a book i read long ago, called Zen in the Art of Archery. In that book the Zen master constantly harped on letting the arrow go only as a natural unconscious act. Like snow falling from a bamboo leaf, the arrow should fly when it's ready, no sooner and no later.

i think the same philosophy can be applied to trigger pulls. So i take aim and concentrate on lining up the sights properly, keeping the gun as steady as i can. As i'm doing this, i begin pulling back on the trigger. Once i begin that action i try not to think about it anymore. i especially try not to anticipate the shot. i keep my mind focused on the sight picture and when the shot happens, it happens. That's one reason why i hated the Glock. i need a heavier trigger pull because my squeeze is so slow.

Another theory is my stance. i've done some research about the Weaver stance, but i never really felt comfortable using it. i think it allows for too much movement in the elbows, especially since it requires the muscles of both arms to be working against each other. Here's a good site that describes the various stances.

My stance is more like the modified Weaver described as the Chapman in that website. First i take a 45° stance with my left foot forward (i'm right handed.) i lock the elbow of my gun arm and point the elbow down. Using my left hand, i then pull the gun arm toward my body until it lines up on the target. i also pull my right shoulder blade rearward until it stops.

The main difference in my stance is that i place my left hand under the grip, palm up. The fingers of my left hand go around the outside of my right hand, instead of covering the fingers of my gun hand. i think this allows my left hand to support the weight of the gun better, and also makes it easier to pull my right arm against my body.

Another advantage to my hold is that it gets my left thumb out of the way. Using the conventional hold, i once noticed a temptation to use my left thumb to assist my trigger finger as i got tired. My new method eliminated that temptation.

So does it work? i'll let you be the judge. Last weekend, i shot the target on the right using a Sig Sauer P226 in .40 S&W. The cartridges were Magtech 180 gr. FMC, which have a muzzle velocity of 990 feet per second. As you can see, i was least accurate at 25 yards, aiming at the head. Actually, i'm better with the HK at that range. i like to leave a target like that out there for a while so the other suckers at my range can see it and be properly impressed, before i swagger out of there.

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October 05, 2005

Lying Is A Nasty Habit

One of the central characteristics of the left is the ease with which they lie. A website whose purpose is to direct trolls to right wing blogs had this to say about me:

Annika’s Journal - This lovely lady says Al Gore is “fat” and “tacky” Possibly her body is thin, but her brain spews nothing but vile bile. I’m confident that she is as tacky as it gets.
i once called Gore a "fashion disaster," but i never called him tacky. If you do a search using the search function at the bottom of my sidebar, you will easily find that the word "tacky" has never appeared on this blog before today.

Why lie, when the truth is so easy to find out? Because lefties know that most people won't go to the trouble to research things. This "tacky" lie is just a small example, but if you've been listening to the news lately you'll find many more examples of lefty lies that are much more disturbing.

It's also funny that my blog has been pigeonholed as a "right wing" blog. Sure i'm proudly conservative, but i don't blog about politics exclusively. Lately, i don't even think politics makes up half of what i write about. And how many right wing bloggers can say that they have turned over their blogs to left wing guest bloggers for a whole week, as i have. Twice.

You may also notice that it takes a heck of a lot for me to ban any troll, or to interfere in the comments section at all. Sometimes i think i should be more strict, but i truly believe in Ronald Reagan's precious ideal, "the marketplace of ideas." It's ironic that the one website which exhorts lefty trolls to go forth and comment, does not itself allow comments.

i like to think i do things differently here, but you wouldn't know it by reading what that lefty troll clearing-house blog says about me.

Hat tip to Six Meat Buffet.

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The End Of An Era

It saddens me to report the end of the "All the way with Tim Rattay" era for the San Francisco 49ers.

Okay, i'm not really sad.

On a related sports note, has anyone noticed that ESPN.com has basically become a pay site this year. Useless for anything but statistics, and maddeningly slow to load too.

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Hello Love...

mmmmm wow.

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It Was Bound To Happen...

Brittany Sex Tape release feared.

My prediction: she still has no talent.

Update: Her lawyers concur.

A copy of the original tape viewed by the couple's lawyers elicited laughter and disgust.
That's harsh, dudes.

Update 2: My sources in the media have obtained for me a copy of the tape. It's dark and filmed in night vision green, but i was able to transcribe some of the audio for you.

Brittany: "is that better hun?"

Kevin: "uh-uh"

Brittany: "here let me..."

Kevin: "I don't..."

Brittany: "it's not..."

Kevin: "just..."

Brittany: "uhhh..."

Kevin: "maybe if you just..."

Brittany: "huh?"

Kevin: "ow"

Brittany: "sorry, I..."

Kevin: "no keep going..."

Brittany: "I'm..."

Kevin: "there... no... "

Brittany: "ow"

Kevin: "what?"

Brittany: "let's try it this, uh..."

Kevin: "wait..."

Brittany: "how about now?"

Kevin: "it's gone..."

Brittany: "what?"

Kevin: "it's no good..."

Brittany: "huh?"

Kevin: "sorry I'm just..."

Brittany: "huh?"

Kevin: "you're..."

Brittany: "i can't..."

Kevin: "ow"

It goes on like that for several minutes. Quite boring, actually.

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Wednesday Is Poetry Day: More O'Hara

Typically Frank O'Hara. The setting for this poem starts out in bed and ends up in the street.


Poem

That's not a cross look it's a sign of life
but I'm glad you care how I look at you
this morning (after I got up) I was thinking
of President Warren G. Harding and Horace S.
Warren, father of the little blonde girl
across the street and another blonde Agnes
Hedlund (this was in the 6th grade!)        what


now the day has begun in a soft grey way
with elephantine traffic trudging along Fifth
and two packages of Camels in my pocket
I can't think of one interesting thing Warren
G. Harding did, I guess I was passing notes
to Sally and Agnes at the time he came up
in our elephantine history course everything


seems slow suddenly and boring except
for my insatiable thinking towards you
as you lie asleep completely plotzed and
gracious as a hillock in the mist from one
small window, sunless and only slightly open
as is your mouth and presently your quiet eyes
your breathing is like that history lesson



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October 04, 2005

Just A Little Pet Peeve

i was listening to Hugh Hewitt's show on the way home tonight and i heard a conservative caller from San Francisco say something that really bothered me. The caller paraphrased Bush the Elder's response to criticism that he had flip-flopped on his famous "voodoo economics" quote after Reagan selected him for VP. Supposedly, G.H.W. Bush said something to the effect that "Before Reagan picked me I owed him my discretion, afterwards I owed him my loyalty." The gist of the caller's analogy was that we conservatives owe the president our loyalty, i.e. our trust.

We owe him no such thing. i voted for president Bush twice. He serves at my pleasure and at the pleasure of the American voter. i don't owe him or any other politician my loyalty. On the contrary, they owe me. That is our system of government. i just want this to be clear, because i think most Americans suffer from a fundamental misunderstanding of the most basic philosophy by which our nation was founded. It's not just a cute little theory that some old guys in powdered wigs made up. I believe it is Truth.

Do these words sound familiar?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. [emphasis added]
In other words, they work for us. If any loyalty is owed, it is owed by the government, including the executive, to the people. We hold all the cards because we have rights, which come from God Almighty. The government has no rights, only powers, which come from us.

So anyone who says i owe my loyalty, or my trust to any government official, evan a president whom i like a lot, is simply mistaken and needs to take a refresher course in American History, preferably by a professor who knows what he's talking about.

Now i'm just taking the long way around, to make a minor semantic point. But these things do piss me off because i often wonder how people can be so dense.

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October 03, 2005

Supreme Court Pick

i know everybody's been patiently waiting for my opinion on this chick Bush picked for Supreme Court. i wanted to read a little bit about her and listen to some other opinions before i weighed in.

i am a little disappointed that Bush did not take my advice. i have a pretty good idea that he or one of his aides reads this blog. My advice was to pick an in-your-face conservative. My personal choice would have been either Mike McConnell or Janice Rogers Brown. i like McConnell because he's a historian, and i like Brown because she's a Californian.

Of course, if i had my way, and i could give the Supreme Court an extreme makeover, things would be way different. i imagine there would be a huge exodus of liberals from this country, and that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Except for Canada and France, that is.

If i had my way, Roe would be overturned. Kelo would be gone. The Lemon test: gone. Oregon v. Smith: gone. Fifty years of establishment clause jurisprudence: gone. i wouldn't stop there either. The exclusionary rule? History. Miranda? Toast. 1A protection for Child Porn? Dead. The Second Amendment? Reborn. Federalism? Hell yah.

Regarding Miers, i'm adopting the wait and see approach. Maybe she'll be okay. Maybe not. The whole idea about wanting a known conservative is so that members of the Republican base, like me, won't have to worry. Now we have reason to worry. Two reasons, if you count Roberts.

Another disappointment is the likelihood that we won't get rid of that stupid filibuster rule now. i wanted a fight, because i wanted the nuclear option. But it's easy to forget that Bush is at heart a conciliatory kind of guy. All this talk about him being an evil warmonger has obscured that fact. It really should be no surprise that if Bush sees a way to do something without a fight, he'll do it. Again, if it were up to me, i'd have liked to see the Senate Democrats get straight-armed on this nominee, and losing the filibuster would have been gravy.

i'm not as worried as some people are about Miers having been a Democrat. Reagan was a Democrat once too. So was my dad. Still, neither of them would have ever given money to a freak like Gore. But the real problem is that Miers is not an idealogue. And the Court can change a person; i believe that. Unless a justice has a strong belief system, i'm afraid the pressure to get along can lead to a leftward drift over time.

So, should we trust Bush's judgment on this one as Professor Hewitt counsels us to do? Well, what choice do i have? Miers will probably be confirmed easily and i will have to hope for the best. But i can't help thinking this was a wasted opportunity.

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