last September? i don't know if that boondoggle can be topped, but i'd like to give it a try.
i think KISS is funny, but it doesn't matter if you despise them, or if you're a lifelong member of of the KISS Army. Hell, half the contestants in the Joe Don Baker contest never even heard of the man. All entries are welcome, and will be judged strictly according to my own secretive and arbitrary criteria.
Please feel free to post your entries here by 10:00 p.m. Pacific Standard Time on Thursday, February 3, 2005. i will then select a winner, who will receive a very nice mystery prize. The rest of you i will see in the boardroom, where somebody will be fired.
1
Make-up like blind girls
evidently undead can still tour—
screeching like caught mice.
Posted by: shane at January 31, 2005 09:28 PM (WhRP6)
2
I call this one "Nightmare: My Mind Freezes As In A Blizzard As I Ponder the Thing That Is Gene Simmons Talking To A Groupie":
One in my tight pants.
One in my make-up caked mouth.
Which lizard, baby?
[shudders]
Posted by: ccwbass at January 31, 2005 09:31 PM (7sER+)
Posted by: annika at January 31, 2005 10:11 PM (6PfcS)
4
Wanna rock and roll!
All night? Well, not anymore.
It's these damn goiters . . .
Posted by: ccwbass at February 01, 2005 12:25 AM (I7IC5)
5
Small hands and small feet.
Get a load of that long tongue,
but he can't use it!
Posted by: Victor at February 01, 2005 07:15 AM (L3qPK)
6
Gene Simmons reflects
On the autumn of his years.
You know that's a wig.
"Kiss sucks!" we shouted,
in my youth, back in high school.
Kiss still sucks these days.
Posted by: Victor at February 01, 2005 07:26 AM (L3qPK)
7
Detroit Rock City
Lack of music skills hid by
Tammy Faye makeup
Posted by: Tony at February 01, 2005 09:25 AM (tjFjH)
8
KISS on the jukebox
Take it off, give it to me
Be my valentine
Posted by: d-rod at February 01, 2005 10:48 AM (CSRmO)
9
Gene, stick that frickin' tongue of yours
back in your mouth you filthy
damn pig
Posted by: Emily at February 01, 2005 10:55 AM (JmXeT)
10
Kiss were once revealed.
Ears discovered, sales suffered.
Make-up re-applied.
Posted by: peteb at February 01, 2005 11:08 AM (yZE+K)
11
You know, even tho Emily's doesn't fit the 5-7-5 definition of a haiku, it's the best one so far.
Posted by: Victor at February 01, 2005 11:13 AM (L3qPK)
12
My wife saw you play
you spit on her with fake blood
I hope it was fake
Posted by: Tom at February 01, 2005 11:15 AM (3aIPU)
13
The day's almost here
When the make-up's always on,
Lest our age be seen.
Sure, we gad about
Like plucky demons on stage,
Rockin' and rollin'
Better to fade out,
Decrepit in our aged rut,
Than to brightly shine
For one great moment
And quit before we're the joke.
We believed that, right?
We can't remember;
Must be our medication.
What was the question?
(Naked fingers point
Against white skies - leaves long gone
Dogs piss on the trunk)
[kinda had to put the last one in so that I entered at least one actual haiku. -CW]
Posted by: ccwbass at February 01, 2005 12:07 PM (9l6fF)
14
just for kicks, let me get in here:
MJ fixed his nose
after Gene fixed his tongue, but
whose face is whiter?
Posted by: annika at February 01, 2005 01:05 PM (zAOEU)
15
I think you should score yourself an extra point for finding a way to get Frankenstein's monster in there.
Posted by: ccwbass at February 01, 2005 01:36 PM (9l6fF)
16
Victor wakes: cold sweats
same dark nightmare haunts his dreams
Joe Don and Gene: one
Posted by: Ted at February 01, 2005 01:41 PM (ZjSa7)
17
Annika's contest
Is totally invalid
It's not Wednesday
"What else do I have to know? It's illegal."
(Rep.Sonny Bono, Dec.)
Posted by: shelly at February 01, 2005 01:45 PM (fLlQ8)
18
'midst Simon, Paula,
Randy: Gene judged the idols
and found them wanting
Posted by: annika at February 01, 2005 03:21 PM (zAOEU)
19
Oh, that's good, Annie...
"Rock and roll all night"
tiresome melody of youth
I grieve my own taste
Posted by: Hugo at February 01, 2005 03:48 PM (/on80)
20
And where is my interview?
Posted by: Hugo at February 01, 2005 03:48 PM (/on80)
21
Fuck this lame contest
I'm going to the bathroom
with Anni's Journal
Posted by: Casca at February 01, 2005 06:40 PM (cdv3B)
22
Sid Vicious shoots smack
Elvis dies on the toilet
KISS still rules the world
Kabuki makeup
Amps stacked up to the rafters
Can't wait for the show
Ted Nugent opened
KISS then took the stage and then
Blew the damn roof off
Thirty six years old
You'd think my tastes might change but
you would be quite wrong
Simple loud cock-rock
Cartoon show for teenage boys
Just embrace your youth
Posted by: El Capitan at February 01, 2005 08:50 PM (dk53C)
23
Ha, this is so fun. i feel like paula abdul.
Here's another one (Don't worry, i won't pick my own haiku):
He who studies hard
while KISS music is playing
will ace test freely.
Posted by: annika at February 01, 2005 09:11 PM (l32RT)
24
Look at the first post
it is not a Haku Poem
to many phrases
Posted by: Tom at February 02, 2005 06:59 AM (3aIPU)
25
Rock and roll all night;
Party ev'ry day - sounds like
Law school's Free Beer Day.
-----
(my law school, anyway)
Posted by: Tony at February 02, 2005 08:50 AM (tjFjH)
26
with all that makeup
I can get kind of confused
where's the clown posse?
Posted by: Derek at February 02, 2005 10:26 AM (wEVXE)
27
if my dick can talk
and my balls have psychic gifts,
it's all thanks to KISS
KISS can kiss my ass
Gene Simmons once raped my cat
with that goddamn tongue
I'd do
Shannon Tweed
but I fear she doesn't like
men who dress like men
it's on video
I saw Annie blow a KISS
hope you've got Quicktime
what if Gene Simmons
had to fight Joe Don Baker?
scrote-shriveling thought!
ass of Gene Simmons
rudely penetrated by
tongue of Gene Simmons
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 02, 2005 11:40 AM (5GgXN)
28
Never listened much
Not because I hated them
Just after my time.
Posted by: wheels at February 02, 2005 12:45 PM (WUs5a)
29
Lol, keep em coming!
Combine cat-blogging
with a haiku about KISS:
Peter Criss's face.
Selleck's best movie
wasn't
Quigley Down Under
it was
Runaway.
KISS plays Santa Cruz--
college mascot goes missing!
Think Simmons ate it?
Posted by: annika at February 02, 2005 01:14 PM (zAOEU)
30
You got me real hot
Red light, green light, don't say "No"
Just make love all night
Posted by: d-rod at February 02, 2005 04:43 PM (CSRmO)
31
Gene, Paul, Ace and Pete
fall apart, then reunite!
Wasn't once enough?
Play the old records.
Listen with a teenage heart.
Rock n Roll all nite!
What were Kiss doing?
What were they all pursuing?
Just Plaster Casters.
Posted by: Tuning Spork at February 02, 2005 08:24 PM (q9wEr)
32
Love Gun was a blast.
Psycho Circus made me mad.
Stickin' with the past.
Posted by: Tuning Spork at February 02, 2005 08:44 PM (q9wEr)
33
Paul and Gene in charge;
Ace and Peter hit the road.
Crowds were not as large.
Hey, I'm just trying to inject meter and rhyme into Haiku.
KISS had just one goal:
Be the band you want to see.
Then we'll rock n roll!
Posted by: Tuning Spork at February 02, 2005 08:57 PM (q9wEr)
34
Haiku is so fun.
Sentence fragments tightly formed!
Please hand me a gun...
Posted by: Tuning Spork at February 02, 2005 09:07 PM (q9wEr)
35
They were a fresh band,
but the Geritol kicked in.
Give it a rest, guys.
Posted by: physics geek at February 03, 2005 08:20 AM (Xvrs7)
36
Hot sweet and sticky
God created rock and roll
Like candied ginger
Posted by: d-rod at February 03, 2005 10:23 AM (CSRmO)
37
Gene thinks he is hot
Long, gross tongue, hideous face
please leave now, old man
Posted by: Pursuit at February 03, 2005 12:37 PM (VqIuy)
38
The Commando Trilogy:
KISS on a mission
strike-and-fade inside Baghdad
lick the terrorists
Zarqawi strapped down
Gene Simmons stands over him:
"Will this hurt? Ooooooooh, yes."
Zarqawi in tears
"Please-- no more," he gasps to Gene
...then Joe Don walks in
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 03, 2005 06:50 PM (5GgXN)
39
Time's up. Nice job everybody!
Posted by: annika at February 03, 2005 10:00 PM (oFfm4)
40
Kiss Rules-Fuck you and your site!! BIATCH!!!
Posted by: Iggy at March 10, 2005 11:47 AM (bwUbW)
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haiku contest. Like last time, there will be a prize for the winner. Unlike last time, i will pick a time limit and stick to it.
