Allright, i guess i've dragged out this suspense bullshit long enough. i told you i had decision-making issues.

The winner of the KISS haiku contest is a poem that, i think, most completely encapsulates the kick-ass, devil-may-care, throw-caution-to-the-wind, damn-the-torpedoes, rock-and-roll-all-nite attitude of that band we all know and love to hate. Or not.

Here's the scene:

It's 7:30 on a humid summer night at the Macon County fair in central Illinois. The livestock awards have been handed out. A small crowd fills the rodeo grandstand, waiting for KISS to arrive. Finally, a half hour late, Gene and the boys take the stage (fucked up already) and rip through a cover of the Pointer Sisters' "I'm So Excited," followed by a medley including "Rock and Roll All Nite," "Lick It Up," "Love Gun," and "Detroit Rock City," which they rename "Decatur Rock City," in honor of the occasion.

Somewhere out in the crowd is a young girl, stringy blonde hair, red gingham sundress, who catches Gene's fancy even though she doesn't appear to be singing along to "Shout It Out Loud" like her parents. He tries, but he can't seem to make eye contact with the girl, so he sends a roadie to invite her backstage after the big encore set, which tonight will include "God of Thunder," "Calling Dr. Love," and Queen's "We Are The Champions."

After the performance, Gene waits by the catering truck, but the girl doesn't show. Chagrined, he heads back to the bus, for the long ride to Sedalia. Hopefully they'll find a Hooters along the way. But then, as if out of a dream, he sees the object of his desire in the parking lot, about to open the rear door of her parents' F-150 crew-cab. He struts over to the truck as fast as his six inch platform shoes will allow and... Sticking out that long-ass tongue, Gene growls out the KISS mating call in his loudest rock-and-roll screech:

E-mail me to claim you prize, and congratulations, Cameron!

Posted by: annika at 12:33 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 356 words, total size 2 kb.

1 When Cameron was in Egypt land... Let my Cameron run! Congratulations, dammit. Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim at February 08, 2005 02:47 AM (5GgXN)

2 Well, I mean, that is to say: golly! In celebration of my triumph, please allow to post this link to a very appropriate picture over at Sobekpundit. In the meantime I'm feeling a definite urge to rock'n'roll at least until, say, 3:04 am California time, at which point I shall retire. But never fear! When I arise at noon it shall most certainly be to party for at least the remainder of the afternoon. Better send that e-mail off.

Posted by: ccwbass at February 08, 2005 02:54 AM (XuVH/)

3 Great choice Annie, but, can you share with us the secret? What's the prize?

Posted by: shelly at February 08, 2005 03:44 AM (6krEN)

4 Wild picture. Is this a new trend? KISS blogging? And the prize is a very cool item from my stash of annika's journal merch.

Posted by: annika at February 08, 2005 07:16 AM (nKuEn)

5 BOOO! EMILY WUZ ROBBED! ...I mean, congratulations, Cameron!

Posted by: Victor at February 08, 2005 07:19 AM (L3qPK)

6 Oh no, Victor. Cameron's haiku is the work of genius and far superior to my own. I would have been shamed by victory.

Posted by: Emily at February 08, 2005 08:39 AM (JmXeT)

7 Huzzah. Genius, maybe. The best of the bunch, definitely.

Posted by: Hugo at February 08, 2005 10:27 AM (q10C+)

8 "Huzzah. Genius, maybe. The best of the bunch, definitely." Looks like I find a new quote for the top o' the blog. Gracias, Amigo!

Posted by: ccwbass at February 08, 2005 11:43 AM (dYbjN)

9 That haiku desereves to be written on a velvet painting of Gene and hung under a black light in my basement. I bow.

Posted by: michele at February 08, 2005 01:52 PM (c9A+j)

10 Gosh! Praise from Da Queen. I'm flattered. Maybe I should specialize in tongue haikus. ... Nah. I'd just screw it up.

Posted by: ccwbass at February 08, 2005 02:46 PM (c4nfH)

11 Clearly, the fix is in.

Posted by: Casca at February 08, 2005 04:38 PM (cdv3B)

12 Yay!!!

Posted by: Ted at February 09, 2005 09:13 AM (blNMI)

13 Your story made me see that haiku in a whole new light. I think you made the right choice!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at February 10, 2005 06:47 PM (FVav8)

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