just trying to eat my waffles

October 25, 2006

Wednesday is Bad Poetry Day: NASCAR Poetry

In case regular readers of Annika's Journal haven't noticed, she has left Poetry Day in my hands. Since I can do whatever I like with Poetry Day, I've declared the last Wednesday of the month will be dedicated to Bad Poetry. This week: NASCAR Poetry.

A few weeks ago, I had some fun at NASCAR's expense, asking, "Notice there's no real good NASCAR poetry out there?" Believe me, there's not (I looked. Lord, how I looked!) and I doubt there ever will be.

I state this because NASCAR isn't a sport that lends itself to poetry. I realize there is strategy and drama and winners and losers, but the sport in and of itself isn't poetic. In fact, NASCAR and poetry are so far apart, the thought of combining the two was turned into a joke at The Specious Report. Take a look at NASCAR haiku, as printed in that article:

Pit crew watches, waits;
Tire tread and ashpalt embrace
Sweet sigh of relief.

NASCAR will never produce a Casey at the Bat. Name a situation in NASCAR with the drama of being down by one or two in the bottom of the ninth, where one swing of the bat leaves you the hero or (in Casey's case) the goat. Not to say there's no drama in NASCAR, but sneaking up on someone on the last lap just isn't the same.

Kids can't really "play" NASCAR, while lots of kids play football, baseball, basketball...you get the idea. NASCAR will never inspire anything like How To Play Night Baseball.

But still, some try. I suspect T. is a very nice person--the kind of person who'll give you the shirt off her back, invite you to her house & feed you until you can't move, and make you feel like a friend you've known since the day you were born. I kind of feel bad about making fun of her poetry.

I mean, she has a poem to her pets on her page! Anyone with pets is OK in my book. But take a look at this:

A Prayer For The Drivers
This is a prayer to say before every race begins
To keep all the drivers safe and God bless whoever wins
So bow your heads with me, and together we will ask
That God protect every driver for each and every lap...
"Dear God in heaven we ask you to watch over this track
and keep these drivers safe and sound for every single lap
watch them and protect them with your caring watchful eye
and bless them each and every time a green flag lap goes by
we pray there are no cautions because of a crash
and let them continue to race this race until the very last
so which ever driver makes his way to Victory Lane
we, the fans, know you heard our prayer
and blessed us all the same...
Amen"

Umm...OK. This is a nice sentiment (although every time I read God bless whoever wins I want to continue The rest of you LOSERS can go to hell! ) but the meter is generic (when it's not blown completely), the rhyming is forced at times, and it almost sounds as if it was produced by the head of the Prom comittee who's about to blow her own deadline or something...I dunno. Bad poetry leads to bad analogies.

Posted by: Victor at 05:05 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 576 words, total size 3 kb.

1 One might think that I'd relish the weekly opportunity to bitchslap this nitwit. Alas, it's reached the level of beating an idiot child, and this I can not do. One holds that he MUST be one of God's creatures, although one found on the more extreme end of the spectrum of stupidity. I shall avert my gaze.

Posted by: Casca at October 25, 2006 06:18 AM (Y7t14)

2 haha, bad poetry leads to bad analogies, lol speaking of racing poetry, one lyric immediately jumped in my mind: "Reluctantly crouched at the starting line, Engines pumping and thumping in time. The green light flashes, the flags goes up, Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup." Sounds familiar? i love that song, remember the video here. there's no cars in it, but the lyrics are definitely about some type of car race.

Posted by: annika at October 25, 2006 07:51 AM (qQD4Q)

3 BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Strawman gets PWN3D!

Posted by: Radical Redneck at October 25, 2006 09:47 AM (IsmEM)

4 Hello Victor, What a great theme. I actually grew up around a place that sponsered a stock car. I could hear the races at night and I lived like 5 miles from the track. The only other thing I had to add is that there is a very cool murder mystery series by Janet Evonovich (or something like that) one of which is called Metro Girl. Drake Steel

Posted by: Drake Steel at October 29, 2006 10:31 AM (vrCzD)

5 Funny that you didn't come across my blog during your search: http://nascarpoetry.blogspot.com/ It's mostly lyrics to popular songs altered into NASCAR race reviews, but the site started out with a handful of poems about NASCAR. I admit that none of my work is T.S. Eliot, but for the benefit of your argument, I suggest you take a gander.